Today, after spending five years regaining contact with my estranged father, I finally met him. I tearfully dropped my luggage and ran to hug him. He belched and told me to get in the car, because he had diarrhea. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad came to visit me. By visit I mean he arrived, took a huge smelly dump and left. This is the first time I've seen my dad in months. FML
Today, the guy I've had the biggest crush on came to my house to pick me up for our first date. As we were leaving, my father screams out "Do you still have diarrhea?" I don't have diarrhea. My dad thinks he's so funny. FML
Today, I met my biological father for the first time. He seemed to be slightly intoxicated from the outset, and less than half an hour later, he had tried to intimidate me into "loaning" him several hundred euros for reasons he wouldn't tell me. So long, "dad". FML
Today, my father had a dream that he'd lost me forever, and the pain was so unbearable, it woke him up. Turns out, the pain he was experiencing was just his bowels and he really needed to take a shit. This is the most affection I've ever received from my father. FML
Today, I hugged a man I thought was my dad at the airport. It wasn't my dad. The man’s actual family stood nearby, watching me cling to their father for a solid 5 seconds. FML
Today, I saw my dad for the first time in almost five years, at his funeral. FML
Today, I arrived home after leaving for college in August. My dad figured that the most appropriate way to welcome me back was a loud, piercing fart right when I walked through the front door. FML
Today, I heard my dad screaming in the hallway. Thinking he was having a heart attack I ran to the hall without looking where I was going. I slipped and slid towards my dad in what turned out to be a mass quantity of diarrhea from one of my two dogs. He was screaming because he stepped in it. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML
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Top comments
gabrayal 10
When you gotta go, you gotta go.
OhDearBetrayal 25
He sounds like a lovely father.
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Comments (79)
icetea4life 5
no need to make a drama outta it could be bcuz he was nervous and excited so stop ur whining
AbstraktThoughts 13
And Father of the Year goes to...
MsCowsiecow 6
True. He could have just been nervous or excited, but the belch kind of makes it seem like he wasn't exactly thrilled.
OhDearBetrayal 25
He sounds like a lovely father.
HappyPanda2016 14
He isn't a bad father for getting sick. /: At least he cared enough to go get her.
OhDearBetrayal 25
If he's been estranged for more than five years, it isn't exactly a warm way to greet your kid. Seems to me the reunion didn't mean a whole lot to him. I can't imagine how disappointed OP must have been.
Roevera 14
It's not that big of a deal, the fml is most likely not about the fact that her father wasn't happy to see her but that the 'moment' was lost because of her fathers decision to eat jalapeño burritos the night before.
baconftw 9
When you have the *****, you will understand OP.
AnagenisisZagus 13
35- He's there now, isn't he? Roevra, I want to be just like you when I grow up.
winnie_moline 6
Don't take it too hard. Maybe if he didn't have to take a dump he would've been nicer. Anyways he won't have diarrhea forever wait an see
twisted_cherub 14
49- I got in touch with my biological sperm donor after 13 yrs. I made the trip to meet and later moved closer so we could get to know each other. When I moved away I called to keep in touch. I arranged time off work for visits. I was doing it all. I stopped calling. It was over 2 years before I heard from him. Even then it was only because he was selling a house through my mom's brother and asked how I was. The point: Just because OP's father showed up at the airport doesn't mean he's putting effort into being a dad. I've seen similar stories play out with other people. In my experience, absentee fathers chose that for a reason--they don't want to be dads. He won't tell OP that or refuse to see her because that would make him a bad person. But he might (consciously or not) make her not want to be around him.
gabrayal 10
When you gotta go, you gotta go.
HowAreYouToday 34
That's the excuse he gave OP's mother.
Sandsh8rk 36
Sounds like a...wait for it...shitty situation. :D
EmberEyes 16
That's not punny!
swankmrpancake 8
I guess things just didn't Flow the way you wanted!!
s0m3guy2010 21
I'm pretty sure that's the same thing as "I love you" in Dad language. Just be glad he wasn't too busy watching the sports channel.
samreimer 7
"sounds like a shitty situation." Hello fml users. My name is Sam. If the above comment sounds like something you might say, then please restrain yourself from doing so (by any means necessary). I know I don't just speak for myself. Thanks a bunch! ~Sam
AnonymousChik 5
Well you can just go shove it Sam.
samreimer 7
If you really feel like you need to do it, then do it. See how many downvotes you get:)
lalatookasheema 8
7- When you saw the opportunity to comment about the "shitty situation," we all know you got excited. Then you read Sam's comment and your hopes were destroyed. No need to get hostile. It needed to be said.
lalatookasheema 8
The comment I tried to reply to got moderated. Disregard what you read above. Or just bury it.
LilliPage 17
He can't control when he gets diarrhea or how bad it will be. If you had diarrhea would you wanna be sitting around in an airport waiting for someone? Although, the belching is a little more controllable and was just a little rude of him. Did he at least hug back?
onlychildFTW 34
The belching was hell rude. One of the ruder things someone can do I think personally. If its in their face. But the diarrhea he can't control, so that's more understandable. I hope it worked out better after you guys got home OP.
AClassActx3 7
When men are older i think belching is less controllable. My gpa is like that.. Although he covers his mouth
corinna12124 0
Well he can't help it think he can't be that young just saying so when they get older it's harder to control and yea I agree with the person who said something bout atleast he didnt make someone else pick OP up he did his self :)
jaime411 11
It could have ben a lot worse
zandalee 20
...So he drove all the way to get you even though he was full of wind and diarrhea and you are complaining because?
ellytoad 13
If he hadn't, it would mean getting an even worse reputation. Lesser of two evils, my friend.
AnonymousChik 5
Maybe he was just excited to see you...
kimmi41509 10
Doesn't sound like a nice greeting after all that time but I'm sure he'll make it up to you with father-daughter bonding activities. Have fun!