Today, the girl that I have been trying to get with for over a year told me she was drunk and just gave her first blowjob to some guy. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML
Today, I thought the girl I was seeing was going to tell me that she loved me. Instead, she told me how she sucked some other guy's dick. FML
Today, I went to a party, and the girl I really like started telling me how much she likes me and how she thought we would be good together. I was so drunk I threw up on her. FML
Today, I got the chance to hook up with the girl of my dreams, but I had whiskey d*ck and couldn't perform. I'm so embarrassed and now she's not messaging back. FML
Today, for the first time in two years, I met my ex-girlfriend. I was drunk. FML
Today, after the girl I fell head over heels for asked me out last night, it turns out she was so drunk at the time, she doesn't remember and doesn't want to date me at all. I'm beginning to feel like my life is some shitty movie. FML
Today, I went out drinking with a friend I've been crushing on for a while now. After we'd been talking and had a few, she said, "Man, I haven't gotten laid in months! Do you mind?" Surprised but hopeful, I nodded. She leaned over, hugged me, and went to hit on a guy by the bar. FML
Today, my girlfriend of two years called me, drunk, telling me how much anal sex hurts with some other guy. FML
Today, my girlfriend openly admitted to me that she wouldn't have gone out with me if she hadn't been drunk. FML
Today, I was at this awesome party and I was dancing with this really attractive girl who started making out with me all of a sudden. Five minutes later, my friend told me that the girl had just given him a blowjob. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
maphineRAWRS 10
ydi it for trying to "get with" her.. unless you ment in a nice way cause you like her, then you've just been planning to use her for a year so hahaha at her getting with someone else :)
alexFYL 11
dude, I've been trying to get with Brad Pitt since i was like 11 years old, he keeps going out with other girls. I know how you feel.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (105)
zombiedroogie138 0
tell her to hook it up!
CallMeHush 1
You didn't miss much, she was a little sloppy and needs some gag reflex practice but she swallows.
KVloveBC 0
lmfao!!
zombiedroogie138 0
I just realized u live in jersey, was it snooky???
rockhound 0
no; OP said "first" *******
KingDingALing 9
Hahahahahaha! That's a good one! Lol
MisherzzSquisher 0
lmao nice try!
zombiedroogie138 0
24, I forgot about that word! that changes everything huh? haha. well i tried! ;)
Ryeno 0
I'm with 10
sexovic 0
damn, dude. I'm sure she'll brush her teeth before next date with u. lol
teggman93 0
not he doesn't grow some balls and ask her out
DRock525 0
lol as far as 1said, no it does Not suck for him.
fwongraven 10
Maybe she's just not into you. Seriously.
mouxouxou 11
And u seriously spent a whole year to date a girl who gives random ******** whenever she is drunk?I suppose u where enchanted by her intresting personality.....
Pilkie01 5
Whenever she is drunk? she said it was her first one
mouxouxou 11
You think though that would be her last one?Cause i think that being drunk reveals your true self not a fake one.Telling that ''you know i was drunk I DIDN'T know what i was doing' is the biggest lie ever.
sarah48_fml 0
have you ever been drunk??
mouxouxou 11
65 yes i have been drunk,several times actually not saying this proudly,but of course i have.It seems to me that u have a lifetime excuse for what u have been doing when u are drunk.... ;) I am not judging anything,u can do whatever u want, drunk or sober,just admit the truth.Don't use alcohol as an excuse.
babez11 0
just lift up her dress and jam ur dick in then be like "yeah girl suck on this dick!!!"
angel55033 12
she's not worth it than she's Gona be if not already a *****, either make your move or move on
teggman93 0
yep