Today, once again, I explained that yes, I'm Russian. No, I'm not a communist. No, I don't pray to a picture of Putin riding a bear. And no, I don't have any vodka on me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a Russian guy came up to me on the train and informed me that I look exactly like a typical Russian woman. He then went on to explain that I even had enough fat to survive their cold winters. FML
Today, several Ukrainians didn't believe me when I said I was American. Apparently I'm not fat enough. FML
Today, I had to explain to a coworker that even though, yes, I’m Polish and, yes, my family’s from Poland, that, no, we’re not from The North Pole. We’re not from Antarctica either. FML
Today, I learned that the guy I was dating got with me under the impression that I was Asian. I have Asian features but I’m from Kazakhstan, which is a former Soviet country part of Asia. When I told him I spoke Russian, he called me a “communist Putin puppet” and to “stop making up fake countries.” FML
Today, my now-former friend explained in extreme hyperbole that the only reason Russia invaded Ukraine is because Zelensky is a zionist agent meant to make Putin and Trump look bad. He stopped taking my calls after I asked him to explain this. FML
Today, we had to sit our friend down and explain that President Zelensky is not a Mossad agent/US puppet who forced Putin to invade Ukraine. He responded by talking about Hunter Biden for an hour. FML
Today, I had to do community service work, so I helped out at a senior center. One of the confused elderly patients, who believed the Cold War was still on, thought I was a Soviet and started screaming about how I was going to nuke his country. FML
Today, my very handsome, fit, Russian boyfriend tried to make me feel better about being a little overweight by telling me, "It's okay, you're American, everyone expects you to be fat." FML
Today, for the fifth time this month, I had to explain to a group of people that yes, my name really is Donald Trump. Like all the other groups, they burst out laughing and did some Trump impressions for 15 minutes. FML
Today, I had to explain to half of my class that yes, my birthday is on the same day as Hitler's, but no, it does not make me a Nazi. FML
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Top comments
MrConcise 35
No vodka on you? What good is being Russian? I'm sincerely disappointed, OP.
Wizardo 34
As any well trained sleeper cell is meant to do buddy.
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Comments (191)
sybe112 14
Ну, вы должны.
daemonsparta 16
putin was top in times 100... get to prayin comrade
Fas4wd 13
I'm gonna guess you're in the USA. Right?
Shade1982 21
It says BC, Canada...
EnderHorse 17
Oh my god! Thank you! I am Russian as well and everyone assumes I do the same -_- I'm thirteen.
xcllla_ 27
I know that feeling.
battlehamster 8
Lies.
battlehamster 8
Wow I got moderated? I guess someone didn't understand the joke. It's a line. Chill out.
gtkt1 12
I go through this all the time too. I'm Russian, and live in the southern U.S., so you can imagine the looks and questions I get.
MyScurvy 22
How disappointing ?
derpygirl4 0
Why no vodka?
chickypie1987 23
I'm sorry, your Russian .. But have no vodka ... Wtf kind of BS is that! Get to your local liquor store ASAP! Like a good Russian vodka is there!