Today, once again, I explained that yes, I'm Russian. No, I'm not a communist. No, I don't pray to a picture of Putin riding a bear. And no, I don't have any vodka on me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, a Russian guy came up to me on the train and informed me that I look exactly like a typical Russian woman. He then went on to explain that I even had enough fat to survive their cold winters. FML
Today, several Ukrainians didn't believe me when I said I was American. Apparently I'm not fat enough. FML
Today, I had to explain to a coworker that even though, yes, I’m Polish and, yes, my family’s from Poland, that, no, we’re not from The North Pole. We’re not from Antarctica either. FML
Today, I learned that the guy I was dating got with me under the impression that I was Asian. I have Asian features but I’m from Kazakhstan, which is a former Soviet country part of Asia. When I told him I spoke Russian, he called me a “communist Putin puppet” and to “stop making up fake countries.” FML
Today, my now-former friend explained in extreme hyperbole that the only reason Russia invaded Ukraine is because Zelensky is a zionist agent meant to make Putin and Trump look bad. He stopped taking my calls after I asked him to explain this. FML
Today, we had to sit our friend down and explain that President Zelensky is not a Mossad agent/US puppet who forced Putin to invade Ukraine. He responded by talking about Hunter Biden for an hour. FML
Today, I had to do community service work, so I helped out at a senior center. One of the confused elderly patients, who believed the Cold War was still on, thought I was a Soviet and started screaming about how I was going to nuke his country. FML
Today, my very handsome, fit, Russian boyfriend tried to make me feel better about being a little overweight by telling me, "It's okay, you're American, everyone expects you to be fat." FML
Today, for the fifth time this month, I had to explain to a group of people that yes, my name really is Donald Trump. Like all the other groups, they burst out laughing and did some Trump impressions for 15 minutes. FML
Today, I had to explain to half of my class that yes, my birthday is on the same day as Hitler's, but no, it does not make me a Nazi. FML
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Top comments
MrConcise 35
No vodka on you? What good is being Russian? I'm sincerely disappointed, OP.
Wizardo 34
As any well trained sleeper cell is meant to do buddy.
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Comments (191)
MrConcise 35
That reference was pretty fetch.
Zebediabolical 45
Stop trying to make fetch happen!
NigelPowers 5
There's only two things I hate in this world. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures and the Dutch.
False_Stupidity 42
Admit it, You created that account just so you could make that comment didn't you #30?
NigelPowers 5
Only a bloody Dutchman... would say that.
Kendrah18 19
Shame on my fellow Canadians for asking you such stereotypical questions! We don't like being grouped into stereotypes so why should they do it! Ugh
kavyashahs 16
No vodka? Why??
DA3Z 16
You would think in 2015 these kind of stereotypes would have died out, or at least be on the cusp. Do you even speak Russian?
randome101 12
I'm guessing yes, since OP said they were Russian.
Roxas_hearts 27
I'm half Russian (my mom and grandparents speak it fluently) yet I can't speak the language.
aue26 2
I know how you feel!
ballislife2324 14
Yo bro i feel u. It sucks but cool as well.
wakemeupplease 21
Are you serious? no one of those? O.o
carlfirebolt 27
Russians don't do this ?