Today, once again, I explained that yes, I'm Russian. No, I'm not a communist. No, I don't pray to a picture of Putin riding a bear. And no, I don't have any vodka on me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a Russian guy came up to me on the train and informed me that I look exactly like a typical Russian woman. He then went on to explain that I even had enough fat to survive their cold winters. FML
Today, several Ukrainians didn't believe me when I said I was American. Apparently I'm not fat enough. FML
Today, I had to explain to a coworker that even though, yes, I’m Polish and, yes, my family’s from Poland, that, no, we’re not from The North Pole. We’re not from Antarctica either. FML
Today, I learned that the guy I was dating got with me under the impression that I was Asian. I have Asian features but I’m from Kazakhstan, which is a former Soviet country part of Asia. When I told him I spoke Russian, he called me a “communist Putin puppet” and to “stop making up fake countries.” FML
Today, my now-former friend explained in extreme hyperbole that the only reason Russia invaded Ukraine is because Zelensky is a zionist agent meant to make Putin and Trump look bad. He stopped taking my calls after I asked him to explain this. FML
Today, we had to sit our friend down and explain that President Zelensky is not a Mossad agent/US puppet who forced Putin to invade Ukraine. He responded by talking about Hunter Biden for an hour. FML
Today, I had to do community service work, so I helped out at a senior center. One of the confused elderly patients, who believed the Cold War was still on, thought I was a Soviet and started screaming about how I was going to nuke his country. FML
Today, my very handsome, fit, Russian boyfriend tried to make me feel better about being a little overweight by telling me, "It's okay, you're American, everyone expects you to be fat." FML
Today, for the fifth time this month, I had to explain to a group of people that yes, my name really is Donald Trump. Like all the other groups, they burst out laughing and did some Trump impressions for 15 minutes. FML
Today, I had to explain to half of my class that yes, my birthday is on the same day as Hitler's, but no, it does not make me a Nazi. FML
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Top comments
MrConcise 35
No vodka on you? What good is being Russian? I'm sincerely disappointed, OP.
Wizardo 34
As any well trained sleeper cell is meant to do buddy.
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Comments (191)
MrConcise 35
*mumbles* Whatever, Caeser, we should totally just stab you.
draftskink 23
Just make a card
artad2000 1
I know how you feel. I'm half Latvian and half Russian. I'm constantly getting asked if I shoot dogs and wear them as hats. And don't forget the vodka parties ?
Benmantha 31
As a polish woman living in Germany, the Top 3 things people ask/say to me, whenever they hear where I'm from, are: "damn. I hope my car is still at home?!" "Where's the vodka?" "Oh I know a polish word: Kurwa!"
SadSouthernBell 18
I'm a middle aged and Caucasian southern woman from the US who lives in the country and drives a huge truck. How many stereotypes do you see? Lol.
Ashd09 30
That's actually me minus the middle aged part... Georgian, farmer, I drive a truck....yea
aussie99 3
clearly you're not Russian, but an impostor!
Omniprism 15
People are idiots.
tigerbite 3
I believed you...until you said you had no vodka on you.
brvnnx 18
I have it bad too, I'm half chinese and people think that I'm excellent at math and that I like anime. Stereotypes are Kind of stupid if you ask me.
axfabxdisaster 25
I'm sorry, OP. I'm Russian too and when they finally realise I'm not Chinese nor Japanese they ask how much vodka I drink daily in a "Russian accent"