Today, once again, I explained that yes, I'm Russian. No, I'm not a communist. No, I don't pray to a picture of Putin riding a bear. And no, I don't have any vodka on me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, a Russian guy came up to me on the train and informed me that I look exactly like a typical Russian woman. He then went on to explain that I even had enough fat to survive their cold winters. FML
Today, several Ukrainians didn't believe me when I said I was American. Apparently I'm not fat enough. FML
Today, I had to explain to a coworker that even though, yes, I’m Polish and, yes, my family’s from Poland, that, no, we’re not from The North Pole. We’re not from Antarctica either. FML
Today, I learned that the guy I was dating got with me under the impression that I was Asian. I have Asian features but I’m from Kazakhstan, which is a former Soviet country part of Asia. When I told him I spoke Russian, he called me a “communist Putin puppet” and to “stop making up fake countries.” FML
Today, my now-former friend explained in extreme hyperbole that the only reason Russia invaded Ukraine is because Zelensky is a zionist agent meant to make Putin and Trump look bad. He stopped taking my calls after I asked him to explain this. FML
Today, we had to sit our friend down and explain that President Zelensky is not a Mossad agent/US puppet who forced Putin to invade Ukraine. He responded by talking about Hunter Biden for an hour. FML
Today, I had to do community service work, so I helped out at a senior center. One of the confused elderly patients, who believed the Cold War was still on, thought I was a Soviet and started screaming about how I was going to nuke his country. FML
Today, my very handsome, fit, Russian boyfriend tried to make me feel better about being a little overweight by telling me, "It's okay, you're American, everyone expects you to be fat." FML
Today, for the fifth time this month, I had to explain to a group of people that yes, my name really is Donald Trump. Like all the other groups, they burst out laughing and did some Trump impressions for 15 minutes. FML
Today, I had to explain to half of my class that yes, my birthday is on the same day as Hitler's, but no, it does not make me a Nazi. FML
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Top comments
MrConcise 35
No vodka on you? What good is being Russian? I'm sincerely disappointed, OP.
Wizardo 34
As any well trained sleeper cell is meant to do buddy.
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Comments (191)
whassallt26 13
Is it weird that I do this and I'm not Russian?
bettyrulez 16
Trust I know me I how you feel , people always ask me if I can swim( like is you for real ) ? Or do I like fried chicken and watermelon just because I'm black and the funny thing is I hate watermelon but I'm okay with everything else.
Handsome_Jack2 10
You disappoint me comrade...
theogblaze 5
I love the end comment though after the person asks you all those questions. "Well your not very Russian are you." Those thing have only a bit to do with my culture yet we are defined by them.
Pyneapple 19
April fools was a while back dude. Now's not the time to make jokes.
OrangeSodaCrazy 10
no vodka on you is a lie let's get real
julietta913 5
Haha I'm Ukrainian... I go through this shit a lot
Mafia2141 9
I don't believe you. I'm Ukrainian and even I have those things. Except without Putin.
TheIronFez 13
I like how someone thought you were a communist because you're Russian. It's so stupid.
clumsyninja13 21
Are you sure?