Today, once again, I explained that yes, I'm Russian. No, I'm not a communist. No, I don't pray to a picture of Putin riding a bear. And no, I don't have any vodka on me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a Russian guy came up to me on the train and informed me that I look exactly like a typical Russian woman. He then went on to explain that I even had enough fat to survive their cold winters. FML
Today, several Ukrainians didn't believe me when I said I was American. Apparently I'm not fat enough. FML
Today, I had to explain to a coworker that even though, yes, I’m Polish and, yes, my family’s from Poland, that, no, we’re not from The North Pole. We’re not from Antarctica either. FML
Today, I learned that the guy I was dating got with me under the impression that I was Asian. I have Asian features but I’m from Kazakhstan, which is a former Soviet country part of Asia. When I told him I spoke Russian, he called me a “communist Putin puppet” and to “stop making up fake countries.” FML
Today, my now-former friend explained in extreme hyperbole that the only reason Russia invaded Ukraine is because Zelensky is a zionist agent meant to make Putin and Trump look bad. He stopped taking my calls after I asked him to explain this. FML
Today, we had to sit our friend down and explain that President Zelensky is not a Mossad agent/US puppet who forced Putin to invade Ukraine. He responded by talking about Hunter Biden for an hour. FML
Today, I had to do community service work, so I helped out at a senior center. One of the confused elderly patients, who believed the Cold War was still on, thought I was a Soviet and started screaming about how I was going to nuke his country. FML
Today, my very handsome, fit, Russian boyfriend tried to make me feel better about being a little overweight by telling me, "It's okay, you're American, everyone expects you to be fat." FML
Today, for the fifth time this month, I had to explain to a group of people that yes, my name really is Donald Trump. Like all the other groups, they burst out laughing and did some Trump impressions for 15 minutes. FML
Today, I had to explain to half of my class that yes, my birthday is on the same day as Hitler's, but no, it does not make me a Nazi. FML
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Top comments
MrConcise 35
No vodka on you? What good is being Russian? I'm sincerely disappointed, OP.
Wizardo 34
As any well trained sleeper cell is meant to do buddy.
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Comments (191)
phazetryhard 10
STALIN IS LIFE
russfml 31
That's when you sarcastically give your professor a quick lesson in sex Ed lol
RealSuperSand 21
I'm not Russian and I always have vodka on me.
iheartstupid 4
You might be Russian, but you're not good at it!
rockon327 2
I know how you feel!!!
Anro_fml 17
LITERALLY THE STRUGGLE! It's sooooo annoying. Russia isn't the worst place out there, and we Russians do not worship Putin, Bears and Communism... zzzz
Anro_fml 17
Can't lie, the vodka's nice . . . but everyone drinks it. Not just Russians
Roxas_hearts 27
How often do you get Putin this situation?
ScottLucky 18
so, you're saying that you don't have any vodka?
cosmicdancer84 7
If anything, I'd ask if you play chess or if you play any classical instruments.
Reduct 12
Though the location is canada, but that's none of my business *sips tea*
Psycho_Babydoll 26
Wait, you mean.... Russian people... can actually..... move around? *le gasp*