Today, on the airplane, the kid behind me kicked my seat hundreds of times, while the big bald guy next to me farted deadly ones repeatedly. I was on a non-stop 14-hour flight. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I'm on a 14-hour flight, stuck next to a large man whose rancid body odor is eclipsed only by his constant flatulence, which he loudly blames on me every time. On my other side is his friend who laughs like a moose at everything. There are no empty seats and no-one will trade with me. FML
Today, I was on a three hour flight to Los Angeles for a corporate meeting. The woman next to me instantly fell asleep and snored louder than a freight train, while the kid behind me made a hobby of thashing my seat from behind. When I peered over and asked him to stop, he spat in my face. FML
Today, I had a several-hour-long flight. I was put in a seat at the very back of the plane. Before the plane even lifted off, a woman took a dump in the bathroom that I stank for the rest of the flight. Whenever I tried to get some sleep, the flight attendant walked past, savagely jostling me. FML
Today, I accidentally farted while on my flight home. It was silent but so deadly that several people were visibly distressed. The overweight guy sitting next to me got a bunch of dirty glares. I was too ashamed to own up to it. FML
Today, during a long flight, I tried to discreetly pass gas. Instead, I misjudged the pressure and ended up making a loud noise that everyone around me seemingly heard. To make matters worse, the flight attendant asked if everything was OK. Now I’m probably remembered as "Farts on a plane." FML
Today, I farted so loud that I woke myself up. And the stranger sitting next to me on the airplane. FML
Today, I was on a 12-hour transatlantic flight. I asked the flight attendant where the rancid smell was coming from. The guy sitting next to me started laughing, saying, "Sorry, something I ate is not agreeing with me." This was hour one of the flight. FML
Today, I'm on a 16 hour flight. Five minutes in, the lady on one side has clipped her toenails onto me and the guy on the other side has the most horrific gas I have ever smelled. To help this problem he bought a cheese plate from the stewardess. 15 hours and 55 minutes to go. FML
Today, I was on an early flight home after a night of drinking. I was sat in my seat when I started feeling sweaty and nauseous. I grabbed the puke bag and started gagging, then puking, and a really loud fart came out. Everyone heard it. The attendant switched me seat to sit alone. FML
Today, I was on an airplane and had to go to the bathroom. The guy next to me was asleep and blocking the aisle. I tapped him on the shoulder, and he responded by punching me in the stomach. FML
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Top comments
davek 36
"Psst. Stewardess? When the people behind me got their bag out of the overhead locker, I heard a weird ticking noise."
Weijun 2
All that is missing is the screaming baby.
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Comments (99)
Anteezy 7
Be more assertive or find a way to annoy them back.
Vedder 0
And you didn't think to either A) Say something or B) Ask the steward(ess) if you could change seats? If you're going to sit there and take it, then don't complain about it. YDI.
hXcsoccerplaya 0
politely ask them to stop. you can get very uncomfortable in long flights with rowdy people surrounding you. if you confront them about it usually they will stop, don't be too embarrased to tell the bald guy to stop farting or the kid to atop kicking your seat. and as a kid, I kicked someone's seat at a circus the whole time and I didn't even notice it I was so excited. when the guy turned around and told me to stop, i was astonished because I didn't even know I was kicking. so ask them politely and usually it will work.
nhougham 0
Haha the joys of flying cattle class hey? i had a kid next to me once who kicked me the entire time and his mum had the cheek to ask me if i could switch seats with her to a window seat! cheeky cow!!!
girlygirllol8 0
u should have switched seats, duh
jakeidk 0
weird my kid is very well behaved and always has been. he eats candy and drinks coffee (go figure) and he is turning four in two weeks. wanna know a trick? beat they crap outta your kid with the belt/spoon/hand(if on an airplane) and if you do it hard enough he won't do it again...
citygirlnomore 0
aah i hope ur not serious about ur kid drinking coffee; if kids drink coffee they dont grow so unless u want ur kid to become a midget..
iPhone3GS_fml 0
This reminds me of a Hannah Montana episode(I had to watch it, my sister was hogging the TV)
killerog 0
whats a lay over? http://gifts.beepremium4free.com/?f=66577 Joinnnnnnn it's gives free games
in_wonderland 1
that's when you do what i did on my flight to amsterdam (after taking a muscle relaxer and waking up way too early to be there and still not being able to sleep through that little ******* feet slamming into your back), turn around and say with extreme fury, "I AM TRYING TO ******* SLEEP, STOP KICKING MY ******* SEAT AND CONTROL YOUR GOD DAMN CHILD LADY! JESUS ******* CHRIST!" and yes, children can be controlled on those long flights, i've been flying multiple times a year every year for my entire life, and only a few times have encountered truly badly behaved children on flights, the rest are just fine napping or being entertained by their parents and/or siblings. anyone who says they can't be controlled are just really shitty parents.
idesofmarch 1
You should have LOUDLY pointed out to a flight attendant that the man is CONSTANTLY FARTING and ask if they could open a window or something. It won't help, but maybe you get a laugh and humiliate the man into trying to hold them in. As for the kid - tell him you're the air marshall and will send him to Gitmo if he doesn't stop.
fudrick 0
Open a window? On a plane? Yeah good idea.
ANTONKR 0
LOL YOU FAIL