Today, on my first day of sailing practice, I managed to sit on a metal cleat. After being admitted to the ER, I was informed that I had two vaginal lacerations that needed surgery. The nurse tried to convince me it was my lucky day, because the hospital café was serving vanilla pudding. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I nearly sliced my nipple off while shaving my chest and had to go to the ER. Turns out it was a teaching hospital so I got to explain in front of two doctors and eight med students how, even though I'm a woman, my nipples are so hairy I have to shave them. FML
Today, while observing a surgery, I was asked to open a glass ampule of adrenaline. Not only did I break it and get it everywhere, I sliced open my thumb bad enough to need stitches. FML
Today, I went to the hospital due to vomiting and abdominal pain, and they decided to fit me with an IV drip. It took several tries by two different people to get the cannula in. I feel like a human pin-cushion. FML
Today, I cut my finger open with a spoon. After waiting for 4 hours in the emergency room, the doctor told me I was missing too much flesh to qualify for stitches. He then called 2 other doctors in to examine it. Apparently they had a contest for patient with most ridiculous injury. I won. FML
Today, I went to the ER as I have an ulcer and I was exhibiting signs of a perforation. This is when the gorgeous doctor told me he had to stick his finger up my butt to check for rectal bleeding. FML
Today, I was volunteering at a local hospital. I was eagerly introducing myself to all the nurses, as I would be working with them all summer. It wasn't until I got home that I discovered the giant piece of lettuce stuck in my front teeth. So much for first impressions. FML
Today, I went to the emergency room for busting my lip open, I had to lie and tell them I slipped and fell. In reality I was singing with the soap bottle and slammed it into my lip. FML
Today, I went into hospital for knee surgery. When I awoke, I was surprised to find a bandage wrapped around my throbbing head. The nurse explained that a student observer had fainted in the operating room and his head had smashed against mine on the way down. FML
Today, I was making pudding and accidentally spilt some on the floor. I had no idea until I slipped in it, throwing the bowl of pudding on my head. My mom promised to take me to the hospital as soon as she got a picture. FML
Today, I was feeling more and more sick, with significant pain in my abdomen. Nobody believed me, and my grandma told me to stop whinging and to eat something. I tried but started vomiting, and now I'm being rushed into surgery with an already necrotic appendix. FML
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Top comments
LittleBells 17
It has to be better than their Chocolate Pudding I suppose
WCARlover 35
This made me cringe so hard...I am so sorry OP
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Comments (102)
mkstar13 13
Ouch
CoolCookie210 22
That's unfortunate
incoherentrmblr 22
What does vaginal lacerations & vanilla pudding have to do with it? Is that a way of saying there might be a possible yeast infection?...
LittleBells 17
It has to be better than their Chocolate Pudding I suppose
DarksideDoll 31
A small, small, very small silver lining.
ohSNAPyall 27
Forget chocolate and vanilla. Banana pudding is the best medicine.
rich443 22
Vanilla, make it chocolate and I'm up for it.
incoherentrmblr 22
Where's Bill Cosby when you need him?...
Corbane11 16
Wow that really sucks OP. They didnt even have chocolate!
kingcaper817 14
Yikes sorry op guess U won't b going sailing again!
thevelociraptor 31
Just because things didn't go well the first time doesn't mean OP should quit.
littleteapot 21
I dunno... vaginal lacerations are enough to make me think twice.
Georick7 19
No ******* shit
WCARlover 35
This made me cringe so hard...I am so sorry OP
marcranger 29
Personally, I shall never uncross my legs again.
sweetbliss3 37
just because your legs are crossed doesn't mean vaginas aren't accessible to things. on another note, I cringed reading this. good luck next time.
CueTheMusic 22
I came here to find out what a cleat is, and I'm still none the wiser. To google!
kingcaper817 14
It's a metal clutch on the boat ya idiot
CueTheMusic 22
No need to be rude! Sheesh
WCARlover 35
No need to call her an idiot...thanks for rudely answering the question, though
feven 32
Smart way of asking for a definition without the downvotes.
oufie20 18
uncalled for buddy ;)
foxwasalamb 24
her guess was probably better than mine. i was wondering why she had soccer cleats on a boat. call me dumb
junkman6 22
The thing I'm wondering.... How can you sit on a cleat... They aren't exactly small or camouflaged. That's like deciding to sit on a bike without a seat and wondering why it hurts.
marcranger 29
Thank you, 37, for helping me learn that it is possible for a ****** to retreat inwards.
mattjamt 16
A cleat is a twopronged metal horn. They are on boats and docks to connect the two together with rope and line.
doodlecloud 27
To be fair, there are different types of cleats even in sailing...mostly clam cleats and the horn type ones.That said, I sit on both types regularly and they're not really sharp or cutty...I snagged my wetsuit a bit once but I'm struggling to see how on earth one could actually lacerate their downstairs, in two places no less. Was OP humping it or something?
doodlecloud 27
37 - larger ones you wouldn't sit on but there are plenty of smaller ones round the edges of boats that you can sit on easily. You shouldn't really have too much because they're normally to the side of where you would sit but if the wind's right you can end up sitting further forward or back than usual. And if there's no wind at all and you're lazy like me, you end up sitting wherever.
orbit 22
I'm wondering that too #37. I would normally use Google but I think I'm going to skip that on this.
junkman6 22
Actually #47 the larger ones are safer to sit on. I'll refer back to the bike without a seat terminology. Because a pipe that's a couple inches in diameter going into your corn hole hurts a lot worse than sitting on something that's basically a huge metal tube. I've done maintenance on admirals yachts, skiffs, and all sorts of small naval craft along with being on real naval vessels. I can guaran damn tee you I would rather take a seat on the cleat of a DDG as opposed to the small rectum penetrating cleats on an admirals yacht. Still the "small" cleats aren't exactly "small" just the horns are a much better size to slip right into your crack and destroy the rectum. Not seeing and then sitting on one takes an almost complete lack of awareness.
junkman6 22
I missed edit timer. But I just remembered a time when a nub tripped and managed to land ass cheek first on a cleat. Had to get something like 10 stitches on his right buttock. Maybe FML staff changed the wording from "fell" to "sat" so it sounds a bit off to people who have some experience in the area?
Sirin_fml 47
Nothing was changed.
SkyGuy32 17
I think he meant that he missed it as in didn't edit his post in time, #61
Mr_Saikaly 35
Google translate is the solution :)
doodlecloud 27
56 - Oh, I didn't mean a larger one would be unsafe, just that it might be more uncomfortable. But I guess it does also depend how big we're talking. I don't think I've been on boats that big much before. :) I was thinking more 1-6 person dingys and footers as I thought that might be a starter boat, and I can say that the small ones don't really go 'in' anywhere though.
doodlecloud 27
Unless you fall on them apparently, lol. Missed edit timer too, hopefully my other post makes SOME sense.
junkman6 22
You know what's kinda funny. And this is totally off the topic of the FML but meh. We totally miscommunicated because our brains were thinking about different size cleats. Large and small were two completely different sizes in our respective brains. Just a funny quirk that made me chuckle.
Lct1196 31
Always look on the bright side of life :) Their vanilla pudding must be pretty good.
bethyworks 16
That's so true, although it's either really good or really bad most of the time.
Pleonasm 36
Things took a stern for the worse when you took a cleat to the clit. But look on the bright side, it's better than taking a boat load of seamen.
cakefete2 31
If that happened, her poop deck would never be quite the same again.
ahippienamedrae 10
I feel bad for having laughed at that...
lennon_ 16
Look on the bright side?
sayyestothedress 24
What would that bright side be? Getting pudding? I can easily just buy that from the nearest grocery store!