Today, my youngest daughter finally started using the toilet on her own. That is, until her older sister showed her the South Park episode where someone gets their intestines sucked out by flushing the toilet. Now she won't go anywhere near the bathroom. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I finally convinced my son to use the potty. Later, he saw a show on TV about a toilet monster. Now he's too scared to even step foot into the bathroom. Here's to another few months of diaper changes. FML
Today, my daughter watched a potty training video on Sesame Street. In the middle of the video, she got up and ran to her potty to practice. She then announced, "All done!", and proudly closed the lid to her potty. She then immediately stood on top of it and peed. FML
Today, for the millionth time, I walked into a complete smellhole of a bathroom, because my almost ten-year-old sister not only never flushes, but she doesn't wipe either. FML
Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw up. I told her to rush to the bathroom. I followed her a few seconds later, only to find her sitting on the toilet and vomiting onto the floor. FML
Today, my 2-year-old daughter started showing signs of understanding the potty training concept. She announced to my mother-in-law that she needed to go potty, only to be flatly told, "No, you don't." So she crapped herself. Now it's going to take forever to train her. FML
Today, my daughter complained that she no longer wanted to talk about poop, as it grosses her out. This is a girl who can eat a rare steak while watching a guy’s arms get hacked off on TV, but poop is where she draws the line. FML
Today, I had to listen to my daughter’s explosive diarrhea while I watched TV. When she came out of the bathroom, she went white as a sheet. Apparently she thought she was alone. FML
Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML
Today, when I went to pick up my daughter from preschool, I found out she'd "accidentally" tried to flush her clothes down the toilet while going to the bathroom. FML
Today, I was under the impression that my kids would eventually grow out of wanting to watch me use the bathroom. Instead, my 7 year-old son attempted to pick the lock so he could watch me take a shit and make fun of me for it. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
ImTheAlpha 30
Don't you just love children?
Attacksloth 33
A word of advice for people who insist on using the same three puns: Stop.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (87)
ImTheAlpha 30
Don't you just love children?
nomred1 7
That must have SUCKED! No but really her sister seems like an ASSHOLE (sorry couldn't resist
RMLrapemylife 14
not bad but u shouldve kept it lower case
kmaheynoway 25
#16 - You FLUSHED AWAY your chances of getting some upvotes.
royceda510 10
What a crappy situation
xChaos 29
Couldn't stop yourself, eh?
NeatNit 33
I'm arresting you for reusing the 'crappy situation' joke for the gazillionth time on FML. You have the right to remain silent. If you have something to say, toilet to the judge.
kmaheynoway 25
Dude, stop overusing these jokes. It really pisses us all off.
DorLeon 14
you could use "shitty situation" :)
BurleyGames 1
or "you got yourself in quite a shituation"
royceda510 10
For ***** sake I apologize. Jesus, I didn't realize you people took shitty puns seriously
Retaheki 27
Most overused pun on FML, but at least you kept it fresh with crappy instead of shitty.
Johnnycake23 42
I thumbs upped just for your name.
Paws_Cat 29
Was that one intentional or no?
swaftmasterj627 12
Because a child that young could understand something like that
hypoxicischemia 11
South Park does it again
NeatNit 33
which episode was this? I don't remember it but now I wanna watch it :)
davidpropert 32
#24 it was the TSA (toilet safety administration) episode ;)
ProgMetalMan 8
It was called Reverse Cowgirl.
ColonelCusswords 24
What the **** clyde?! put the god damn toilet seat down you asshole!
hazukilockheart 13
let me check inside yo asshole
Mossygirl357 12
I'd be so mad at the older sister.
pugpuggy 21
Intestines getting flushed down the toilet. Because intelligence!
Kielnmsoftly 26
It's actually happened though. Who the ****'s so stupid they can't check to make sure the toilet seat is down?
TomatoGuts 10
Yes, because leaving the seat up means that your intestines
TomatoGuts 10
Yes, because leaving the seat up means that your intestines
militarybrat 21
Stupid? It is a brain thing, like when you are driving and you automatically go a certain way even though that isn't where you want to go. Happens all the time. Especially when you have to go really bad. Not stupid. Be a gentleman and put the seat down!
pugpuggy 21
If you leave the toilet seat up your intestines won't come ripping out of your ass.
pugpuggy 21
#63 But... If you leave the seat up your intestines aren't going to get ****** down the toilet. -_-
crazyindynathan 13
Sounds like a shitty situation to me...
Attacksloth 33
A word of advice for people who insist on using the same three puns: Stop.
Mauskau 36
Your comment is surrounded by 3 comments saying the same pun, two of them identical. I miss when comments were creative.