Today, my wife thinks I will agree to anything she says if she just pleasures me orally. I now found out, she is correct. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife has been super into sex lately, she even let me try some of the stuff she said no to before, and even surprised me with some of the kinky stuff she’s always wanted to try. Sounds great, right? Nope. Turns out she was overcompensating from the guilt of also fucking my coworker. FML
Today, my wife was putting her finger in my bellybutton and making overly sexual noises. I thought this was all fun and games until I realized she was actually into this. FML
Today, I was giving my wife a massage. That led to some very intense and passionate love making, and she told me that has been the best sex we’ve had. Next thing I know, she's upset and yelling at me about how massages always lead to sex. She was asking for it. Literally. FML
Today, my wife surprised me with a blow job. Turns out it was a punishment for not doing the washing, as she did it with Chilli powder in her mouth. FML
Today, I applied some things I learned reading a "How to please a woman" book. My wife was in heaven until it was over, then she started crying and yelling about the only way I would learn those things is if I was having an affair. I explained but she doesn't believe me. FML
Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML
Today, I found out that I can get my girlfriend to make more sex noises by massaging her back than I can by actually having sex with her. FML
Today, my wife of 12 years informed me that the only sexual activity she is interested in is foreplay, and she absolutely doesn't want to go any further than that anymore. FML
Today, I came home and asked my wife if she wanted to get eaten out. She just glared at me. Last week, she said all I had to do to make her want sex was asking if she wanted to get eaten out. It's been months since we had sex. FML
Today, while getting it on with my wife, I started to talk dirty to her. She started laughing. When I asked her if she wanted me to stop, she just kept on laughing. FML
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Top comments
Blazingcrono 6
The woman knows.
Doortje 30
Perfect marriage: give a little, take a little.
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Comments (139)
perdix 31
That's the way it's supposed to work! There's nothing to say you can't go back on your deal after you blow your load in her mouth or bust a nut on her face. Watch this brief training video: Wife: Will you scrub the toilets? Husband: No. W: For a ********? H: Yes. (crank up **** music, bow-chicka-bow-bow) W: (nom, nom, nom) H: Aaaaaahhhhhh! (brief pause) I'm not scrubbing the toilets. W: (like Charlie Brown's teacher) Wanh, wanh, wanh, wanh, wanh, wanh?!?! THE END
glitchedgamer 0
You man *****.
GotParamore 2
why is that bad, head is good just keep disagreeing
c420racer 13
Today, I realized my wife sucks me off all the time.....FML..Op you're a ******* idiot and probably have pissed off 99% of the guys reading this. The wife usually gets what she wants anyway and most guys just accept it. You on the other hand get a *******.
stonegen 0
good for you!
fss 0
Get Down !!!
ghostin 0
hey, women always get their way....at least you're getting head!
Gadomski87 2
You're getting BJs on a regular. Why are you complaining?
sallen0046 4
Do you really expect people to feel bad for you because you're incapable of utilizing self-restraint? More importantly, you've got a woman who willingly and regularly gives you oral sex. You have no right to complain.
spensikaa 0
kiss him on the nipple. that IS using your mouth(;