Today, my wife thinks I will agree to anything she says if she just pleasures me orally. I now found out, she is correct. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my wife has been super into sex lately, she even let me try some of the stuff she said no to before, and even surprised me with some of the kinky stuff she’s always wanted to try. Sounds great, right? Nope. Turns out she was overcompensating from the guilt of also fucking my coworker. FML
Today, my wife was putting her finger in my bellybutton and making overly sexual noises. I thought this was all fun and games until I realized she was actually into this. FML
Today, I was giving my wife a massage. That led to some very intense and passionate love making, and she told me that has been the best sex we’ve had. Next thing I know, she's upset and yelling at me about how massages always lead to sex. She was asking for it. Literally. FML
Today, my wife surprised me with a blow job. Turns out it was a punishment for not doing the washing, as she did it with Chilli powder in her mouth. FML
Today, I applied some things I learned reading a "How to please a woman" book. My wife was in heaven until it was over, then she started crying and yelling about the only way I would learn those things is if I was having an affair. I explained but she doesn't believe me. FML
Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML
Today, I found out that I can get my girlfriend to make more sex noises by massaging her back than I can by actually having sex with her. FML
Today, my wife of 12 years informed me that the only sexual activity she is interested in is foreplay, and she absolutely doesn't want to go any further than that anymore. FML
Today, I came home and asked my wife if she wanted to get eaten out. She just glared at me. Last week, she said all I had to do to make her want sex was asking if she wanted to get eaten out. It's been months since we had sex. FML
Today, while getting it on with my wife, I started to talk dirty to her. She started laughing. When I asked her if she wanted me to stop, she just kept on laughing. FML
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Top comments
Blazingcrono 6
The woman knows.
Doortje 30
Perfect marriage: give a little, take a little.
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Comments (139)
BWill9014 4
You guys aren't really taking into consideration what he has to give his wife... it sounds simple but If his wife wants a new car for example... Wife: "honey I really want that new car" OP: "FFFFF no were broke" Wife: "*suck suck suck*" OP: "ok honey we'll go get it tomorrow".... now that ******** just cost you 50000 bucks that you won't pay off for 10 years... good job
FieldTripX1013 0
thats an FML? whatd she do, suck you off to find out if there was another person, or that you really like men? I think this should be an ILoveMyLife.
MourningLight 2
dude if your wife sucked me off i'd give her anything she wanted.
klong91 7
She's literary got you by the balls
jazziness 12
sucks for u!!
MakeAScene 4
Awh, that sucks bro. Im guessing she wanted a new head board for the bed? Hehehe, puns :3
eldeeder 2
um, how is this a bad thing?
Shaggy_92 5
******** make the world go round brother :)
pfunk11 0
oh no, your wife wants to give you head, stop whinong
rogueangel9 4
you cave in for a ********? weak. really weak. should've held out for anal.
CantHandleMe 2
amen!!!