Today, I was savagely beating my wife on Call of Duty, since she demanded that I play normally and not hold back. 15 minutes later, she was raging at me, calling me a bastard and saying she wished we'd never married. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I invited a few of my co-workers over to play video games. Within an hour, my wife had gotten drunk, grabbed my controller, told me to "get back in the kitchen", and described to everyone in blood-chilling detail how she took her first boyfriend's virginity. FML
Today, I was playing Mario Kart with my wife. I threw a blue shell and it hit her. She then refused to speak to me for three hours straight until right before bedtime when she called me a bastard and told me to sleep on the couch. FML
Today, my girlfriend punched me in the back of the neck because I was talking to a woman online. It was a public Call Of Duty match, I have no control over who I play with, plus I wasn’t even talking specifically to whoever this woman was, just to the people in general like all COD players. FML
Today, my girlfriend is giving me the silent treatment because I won’t play Call of Duty with her brother. This kid loses his temper violently at family board games, how the fuck does she think he’ll react when he gets mercilessly wiped out by COD players who don’t give a toss about his feelings? FML
Today, my new wife and I got home from our honeymoon, and not an hour later she'd sat me down for a talk, saying, "Now that you're married you've got to act the part and give up this silly nonsense," then banned me from seeing my friends, playing video games, and basically everything else I ever enjoyed. FML
Today, I found out my husband doesn't love me. At all. He told me this while playing Call of Duty with his friends with his microphone on. FML
Today, my wife caught me crying over her miscarriage and she started yelling and screaming at me to "man up" because she should be the sad one, not me. FML
Today, a character in the video game I was playing called my character a slut. My boyfriend ripped the controller from my hands, shot him dead, then fired the rest of my ammo into his corpse while yelling "FUCK YOU, BUDDY!" Good to know I'm dating a total lunatic. FML
Today, I received more affection from my wife in a video game than I ever have in real life. FML
Today, I had an argument with my wife. I told her to get back in the kitchen. How does she respond? By doing what I told her to do, and returning to hit me with a frying pan. FML
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Top comments
sarcasmine 19
At least you weren't playing monopoly. It would've turned out worse
baxterlondon 10
at least you got a gamer chick to marry you
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Comments (143)
rlak111 19
Women, am I right?
zxtq 14
cod may be life but you should probbablly take it a little easier on her? lol fyl
Kielnmsoftly 26
She asked him not to so either she was lying or immature because she couldn't handle losing.
tantanpanda 26
This, ladies and gentlemen, is why you don't say something you don't mean. If you know I'm good at a game, don't tell me not to hold back on you and expect not to get destroyed.
enginsteve 17
errr wrong comment spot
9a_1z 12
Well, he could've gone for the not holding back thing and then reigned it in when he realised she didn't have a chance. The problem with wives (generally) is they expect you to use your intuition a bit too instead of just blindly following orders, which is a bit unfair if you're not that intuitive.
baxterlondon 10
at least you got a gamer chick to marry you
Calingaladha 21
She's not a gamer chick if she ragequits after fifteen minutes. She's just an idiot.
myoukei 31
Gamer? Lmao. COD is some pretty tepid shit. She doesn't get brownie points in the gamer world for playing it.....
zyero 9
Indeed you want a gamer chick? Go old school and break out blazing lasers on the turbo graphix 16. 20 minutes in and you will be convinced old school game designers used to be spawns of satan who's only purpose was to design a game so addicting you just wanted to keep playing no matter how many times it bitch slapped you in the face. Tis an abusive love hate relationship.
enginsteve 17
Holy shit, blazing lazers?! Turbo Grafx 16?! That is some old school shit! and it was great.
stargirl_95 24
Just out of curiosity why are women who play video games called "gamer girls/chicks"? Why the need to specify gender especially when guys who play them are just called gamers?
9a_1z 12
I hate it when people try to shit on people (who happen to be women) who enjoy games because they're somehow not doing it hard enough. As a very casual gamer myself (I do have a fancy gamer-orientated mouse with lots of buttons though, does that up my cred?) I can assure you we're just here to have fun, not 'make you look bad'. Having said that, maybe if I had more free time I would be out to make you look bad!
9a_1z 12
Maybe all the thumb downs are coming from all the girls who love gaming who for some reason still have to deal with 'ooooh you only do this because BOYS, therefore you're BAD'. Even if it is boys, some people have reasons for playing that aren't the same as yours, is that such a bad thing? I understand if they're playing with strangers and are really crap, but this person's playing with her husband who knows what level she is. I wasn't trying to compare myself to you with the free time thing. I find video games very addictive, if I'm short on time other hobbies like drawing are much safer for me! I've got a massive list of ones to play (and books I know I'll get stuck into) when my evenings are free again.
enginsteve 17
I can't believe no one else mention turbo graphics 16 or blazing lazers...
FMLMaximus 23
haha.. 15 minutes a day... how are you a "gamer chick"? it seems like a passion of yours would get more attention than 15 minutes a day. just sayin...
FMLMaximus 23
Did I say I didn't play as a kid? Awh let's assume a girl who doesn't like me is a ***** (at 3 mind you) because she called me out in front of the fml community.. you poor thing. I only wish I could show everyone the nasty message you sent me in private... I bet you have LOTS of friends. All those reading this thread, watch this girl ^^ she accused me of being on welfare and that guys don't like me because i called her out on being real gamer. I'm MARRIED and we both work full time jobs. Oh, and he's the father of my child! Go me!
FMLMaximus 23
you blew up a simple comment dearie :) you could've explained yourself without being hateful. I don't generally argue with people online, because it's a waste of time, but I'm not going to let someone treat me like dirt either.
DappeRB 12
you learn new things every day I guess :/
sarcasmine 19
At least you weren't playing monopoly. It would've turned out worse
xninix_fml 36
They would probably be divorced if it had been monopoly.
I_see_your_anger 10
Monopoly? Please, try Mario Party.
EvilTurtle 35
Or what about a Mario Party themed Monopoly?
domolovesyoshi 33
Yeah, with the, little car shoved up your nose and fake money all ver the place.
DaBayst 15
Mario Kart is the worst, especially if a blue shell is involved.
tomvertigo 17
Definitely Mario Party would have been worse. That game destroys friendships...
IWishIWasObama 12
Risk is also a relationship destroyer.
ninjahesten 18
thats a risk u take, when you play risk
jesterinperil 28
I'm sure it was the heat of the moment. Just let her cool off and you'll both be fine. In the meantime, practice!
jesterinperil 28
Ah, my mistake. I read it as "savagely beaten by my wife"
Dingodile_fml 11
That's cool. I read half of the first sentence properly but stopped to angrily judge the **** out of op for spousal abuse... When I continued reading I realized my error.
kuzzy00 22
Practise, yes, practise your 360 trick shots! If she's that bad, then rub it further in by trick shot killing her. Yes it's cruel, but you'll have more challenge and fun in the game and she won't feel so bad when she gets to kill you a few times. But you'll smirk knowing the reality ;D
FMLMaximus 23
#6 I did that at first too haha
DoDaJulio 13
At least she's a gamer. I'm always a little salty when my buddy destroys me in certain games. Just give it some time and she'll be allright.
glimmer980 20
OP, you need to try hard enough to look like you're trying but play bad enough to let her win or at least come close to letting her win.
iiTzNeeNerz 26
She asked for it though. Literally. She asked for him NOT to go easy on her then couldn't handle it when shit got real.
chinaski7628 32
If I'm playing a game with someone, especially my significant other, I don't want them to let me win. What's the point of playing if it's not a competition? Of course, I'm hyper-competitive, so, for me, finding out someone let me win would be worse than losing.
Pinwheel 10
My parents didn't even let me win on purpose in games when I was 10 years old, why should one adult let another adult win? o_0
enginsteve 17
My parents didn't even let me win in life.
PinkGlitterBunny 8
Totally agree. Don't let us win but don't obliterate us either.
DoomedGemini 38
I've played with my brother and step brother and I always got destroyed. You know what? I didn't care, I was having fun. I always played to have fun. Unless I can't even play because they are constantly killing me before I have the chance, I don't see any reason to throw a fit, and even then just ask them to back off a little.
MathiBears 15
Ah true love..
renasaurus 17
rekt