Today, my wife decided that to help her stop smoking, she's also giving up the things that make her crave a cigarette. Sex is one of them. FML
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Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I decided to quit smoking. My wife conveniently decided on the same day that she was going to start smoking. FML
Today, my wife has quit nicotine. As expected, she's put on some weight, but it's all gone to her butt, boobs, and hips. She looks better than ever, easily 5 years younger, but she's so upset about the weight gain that she refuses to let me touch her, and she wears baggy clothes 24/7 now. FML
Today, I found the list my wife made of the things she was going to give up for Lent. The first one was "Sex with other men". FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was over her addiction and wished to quit cold turkey. I cancelled all my plans to stay home and support her. She didn't mean her tobacco addiction, no no. Her corn chip addiction. FML
Today, I discovered my wife has been smoking weed for the past 2 years before she has sex with me. She said it was the only way she could force herself to have sex with me. FML
Today, my wife has quit smoking weed. Now she can stay up all night, whereas before she fell asleep around 9 almost every night, so now I get absolutely no time to myself. FML
Today, I was having sex when a cigarette craving came on. I don't know what's worse, the fact I asked for a cigarette break in the middle of sex or I take that long. FML
Today, I finally convinced my girlfriend, who is embarrassed of her smoking habit and wants to quit, to smoke in front of me to break the shame. I was loving, supportive, and cheerful, and I kissed her after. I also got a boner. Now I wish she wouldn’t quit. FML
Today, is another day that my wife will choose anything over sex. I don't want to flirt with her anymore. If I can't have a normal sex life, I would rather embrace celibacy. I love her and was flirting with her daily up until now, but if she needs some other kind of confirmation to feel sexy, she can go ahead and find it. I'm done. FML
Today, my wife decided to quit nicotine. I came home to find my Xbox, Playstation, Switch, and PC burning in our fire pit. FML
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Top comments
Happygofucky 0
Don't worry, once the stress from not smoking kicks in she will be begging you for a release. Have fun!
Woodsy007 0
wow. seriously? it's all about you. I'm so sorry your wife is trying to extend her life and a fantastic thing like quitting smoking. but oh no, it SUCKS being you because your just going to die without sex. boohoo.
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Comments (323)
RedPillSucks 33
Tell her that she'll need to give you constant BJs to make up for the oral fixation once she stops smoking.
hippiechick91 0
^ win
QwertyMcNugget 0
Plenty of people smoke after sex. It doesn't indicate that she doesn't like the sex. Just wait for the three-day-no-smoking hump to get past. Things will be easier after that. :{
perdix 31
It's a cover-up. She's probably smoking some other dude's pole behind your back.
lolwutguy 0
yeah,mine
therealsuperman 0
I was thinking the Marlboro man?
JenL_fml 7
Well, that's just a sacrifice you have to make if you want your wife around longer...
sterlingarcher 1
haha 62!!
LeeRichie 0
smokers smoke after they eat, shit, ****.... do you mean to tell me she'll give up eating and ********?
fertilegod 3
just get your sex elsewhere behind her back. you know she's sneaking cigarettes- so sneak sex
PreTTyGrLMysha 0
Damn that sucks lol
Dallyni 22
well, don't all you people know lack of sex gives you cancer, so while his wife is prolonging her life, she is giving him cancer... Horrible lady!
Alexis31609 9
April fools joke.... maybe.