Today, my wife decided that to help her stop smoking, she's also giving up the things that make her crave a cigarette. Sex is one of them. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I decided to quit smoking. My wife conveniently decided on the same day that she was going to start smoking. FML
Today, my wife has quit nicotine. As expected, she's put on some weight, but it's all gone to her butt, boobs, and hips. She looks better than ever, easily 5 years younger, but she's so upset about the weight gain that she refuses to let me touch her, and she wears baggy clothes 24/7 now. FML
Today, I found the list my wife made of the things she was going to give up for Lent. The first one was "Sex with other men". FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was over her addiction and wished to quit cold turkey. I cancelled all my plans to stay home and support her. She didn't mean her tobacco addiction, no no. Her corn chip addiction. FML
Today, I discovered my wife has been smoking weed for the past 2 years before she has sex with me. She said it was the only way she could force herself to have sex with me. FML
Today, my wife has quit smoking weed. Now she can stay up all night, whereas before she fell asleep around 9 almost every night, so now I get absolutely no time to myself. FML
Today, I was having sex when a cigarette craving came on. I don't know what's worse, the fact I asked for a cigarette break in the middle of sex or I take that long. FML
Today, I finally convinced my girlfriend, who is embarrassed of her smoking habit and wants to quit, to smoke in front of me to break the shame. I was loving, supportive, and cheerful, and I kissed her after. I also got a boner. Now I wish she wouldn’t quit. FML
Today, is another day that my wife will choose anything over sex. I don't want to flirt with her anymore. If I can't have a normal sex life, I would rather embrace celibacy. I love her and was flirting with her daily up until now, but if she needs some other kind of confirmation to feel sexy, she can go ahead and find it. I'm done. FML
Today, my wife decided to quit nicotine. I came home to find my Xbox, Playstation, Switch, and PC burning in our fire pit. FML
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Top comments
Happygofucky 0
Don't worry, once the stress from not smoking kicks in she will be begging you for a release. Have fun!
Woodsy007 0
wow. seriously? it's all about you. I'm so sorry your wife is trying to extend her life and a fantastic thing like quitting smoking. but oh no, it SUCKS being you because your just going to die without sex. boohoo.
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Comments (323)
toecutter1 0
time to find another wife!!
TomFeltonFan 0
yep, just go down to wife-mart and purchase a new one.
asdfghjklnicole 0
#60 - You should join him.
TomFeltonFan 0
what? I'm a chick, I'm sorry your thirteen year old mind can't process funny jokes or anything relatively mature. (:
erickthesick 0
lol xD
sgtrobswifey 0
Confucius say, "wife put man in dog house, soon found in cat house". Or something like that. Either way, OP just ether bunny her.. lol ;)
Awahso 25
Very wise
ursulamyxomatosi 0
that's gotta suck balls
TomFeltonFan 0
well atleast he's not getting his sucked for awhile XD
illmatic2 16
No, she's not sucking balls. that's the problem.
ahhmusic 8
she justs want something to suck and blow...
SydneyIsSexie 0
that sucks for you
mismonroe 0
Does this include oral? I could live off that ..
loveyoux3333 0
same here.. my guy gives wonderful oral, we do it every other day... how often do u do it?
sarapsosis 1
^srsly??? wat is this the ****** dialogues
TomFeltonFan 0
yes.
biggestboss 3
that's hot
BeagleJr 2
does she not know silly bands are totally out. rolf
soldiercarter 0
Time for a new wife.
arty777 8
You should all be ashamed of yourselves! His wife is doing a great thing for herself and you complain you don't get any sex! Smoking is a really bad addiction, and quitting is not easy. If she's trying to make things easier for herself so she doesn't fall back into it, you should be happy to help, and obliged as your duty as a husband. If I were her, I would drop you for a lack of support. Is your sexdrive more important than her decision to give up on a harmful habit? I should think not.
instnt1nfction 17
**** you
chrisauh 4
SUCH A PRUDE I feel bad for your future husband/wife
circlejerk69 0
why should we be ashamed it's not like we know the OP's wife. Why should we care if she quites smokeing or not. I couldn't care less about her.
Awahso 25
Sex is important in a relationship. Quitting can take months or even years.
ThisGuyHere18 0
that's a selfish comment. "Screw you and your needs, I'm gonna go help myself and ruin that beautiful and precious thing we share to strengthen our love!"
muchagente 5
you know, neither marriage nor even a relationship are necessary for good sex. if she doesn't want it, it's her thing. time to suggest an open relationship, then.