Today, my wife decided that to help her stop smoking, she's also giving up the things that make her crave a cigarette. Sex is one of them. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I decided to quit smoking. My wife conveniently decided on the same day that she was going to start smoking. FML
Today, my wife has quit nicotine. As expected, she's put on some weight, but it's all gone to her butt, boobs, and hips. She looks better than ever, easily 5 years younger, but she's so upset about the weight gain that she refuses to let me touch her, and she wears baggy clothes 24/7 now. FML
Today, I found the list my wife made of the things she was going to give up for Lent. The first one was "Sex with other men". FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was over her addiction and wished to quit cold turkey. I cancelled all my plans to stay home and support her. She didn't mean her tobacco addiction, no no. Her corn chip addiction. FML
Today, I discovered my wife has been smoking weed for the past 2 years before she has sex with me. She said it was the only way she could force herself to have sex with me. FML
Today, my wife has quit smoking weed. Now she can stay up all night, whereas before she fell asleep around 9 almost every night, so now I get absolutely no time to myself. FML
Today, I was having sex when a cigarette craving came on. I don't know what's worse, the fact I asked for a cigarette break in the middle of sex or I take that long. FML
Today, I finally convinced my girlfriend, who is embarrassed of her smoking habit and wants to quit, to smoke in front of me to break the shame. I was loving, supportive, and cheerful, and I kissed her after. I also got a boner. Now I wish she wouldn’t quit. FML
Today, is another day that my wife will choose anything over sex. I don't want to flirt with her anymore. If I can't have a normal sex life, I would rather embrace celibacy. I love her and was flirting with her daily up until now, but if she needs some other kind of confirmation to feel sexy, she can go ahead and find it. I'm done. FML
Today, my wife decided to quit nicotine. I came home to find my Xbox, Playstation, Switch, and PC burning in our fire pit. FML
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Top comments
Happygofucky 0
Don't worry, once the stress from not smoking kicks in she will be begging you for a release. Have fun!
Woodsy007 0
wow. seriously? it's all about you. I'm so sorry your wife is trying to extend her life and a fantastic thing like quitting smoking. but oh no, it SUCKS being you because your just going to die without sex. boohoo.
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Comments (323)
TheDrifter 24
Is life deprived of its joys really worth living longer?
froob 0
this is why u don't get married D:
TomFeltonFan 0
Kaaaaaaaaaaarl.
movingtarget_fml 4
that's why there are hookers in the world
nightmare33 0
i luuvvvv urr picc that stuuff is soo funni
nightmare33 0
kkkaaarrlll
grandpaearthling 2
it's just her way of saying "when the smoke clears, I don't want to see your sex face"
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Having sex makes you live quite a bit longer, actually. ...So I guess I'm gonna die that much sooner D: But yeah, smoking is bad and all that, so try to support her op. (:
TomFeltonFan 0
what language are you speaking? because, I know it's not proper English(:
PassTheDutch 0
she will have to get over that. and I only say that because my mom quit 2 years ago and still craves cigarettes. but FYL in the mean time. lol
TomFeltonFan 0
so she should stop smoking and have more sex if she wants to live longer :D
playboyintown 4
don't worry my friend! wait till she needs to take a dump ! thumps up all smokers who understood me ;)
playboyintown 4
thumbs up = like it thumbs down = dislike it don't you see a graphical image of a thumb to the right of your comment? only if you are not on a phone.
mismonroe 0
I think he sees the graphical image of what you DIDN'T type.
playboyintown 4
I know .. I just write what I hear verbally. I laughed but not on myself because I don't consider it as my fault for not knowing the spelling. English is not my mother tongue and I use spelling correction. thanks
mismonroe 0
Aahhhh. What do you speak?
playboyintown 4
Punjabi
Wiggy_78 0
You wrote thump not thumb, I think that's what boners was talking about :)
caitibug323 0
Not to mention, he will not be without sex forever.. OP, suck it up until she is over her addiction. Try to be supportive of her quitting a terrible habit, and make your hand your new friend for a little while.
nerdchic 5
I rarely have sex with my guy.. it sucks... FYL op .... we use to have sex all the time when he smoked
TomFeltonFan 0
are you sure that's the real reason why? hmmmm? you never know.
playboyintown 4
you always have a strong desire to smoke after having sex if you are a smoker. Being a smoker I would say that a smoker does a task well and enjoys doing it only if he is able to pull a stick later and get relaxed besides the stress and tiredness.
ThisGuyHere18 0
maybe you're just not as appealing when he's not stoned?