Today, my wife decided that to help her stop smoking, she's also giving up the things that make her crave a cigarette. Sex is one of them. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I decided to quit smoking. My wife conveniently decided on the same day that she was going to start smoking. FML
Today, my wife has quit nicotine. As expected, she's put on some weight, but it's all gone to her butt, boobs, and hips. She looks better than ever, easily 5 years younger, but she's so upset about the weight gain that she refuses to let me touch her, and she wears baggy clothes 24/7 now. FML
Today, I found the list my wife made of the things she was going to give up for Lent. The first one was "Sex with other men". FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was over her addiction and wished to quit cold turkey. I cancelled all my plans to stay home and support her. She didn't mean her tobacco addiction, no no. Her corn chip addiction. FML
Today, I discovered my wife has been smoking weed for the past 2 years before she has sex with me. She said it was the only way she could force herself to have sex with me. FML
Today, my wife has quit smoking weed. Now she can stay up all night, whereas before she fell asleep around 9 almost every night, so now I get absolutely no time to myself. FML
Today, I was having sex when a cigarette craving came on. I don't know what's worse, the fact I asked for a cigarette break in the middle of sex or I take that long. FML
Today, I finally convinced my girlfriend, who is embarrassed of her smoking habit and wants to quit, to smoke in front of me to break the shame. I was loving, supportive, and cheerful, and I kissed her after. I also got a boner. Now I wish she wouldn’t quit. FML
Today, is another day that my wife will choose anything over sex. I don't want to flirt with her anymore. If I can't have a normal sex life, I would rather embrace celibacy. I love her and was flirting with her daily up until now, but if she needs some other kind of confirmation to feel sexy, she can go ahead and find it. I'm done. FML
Today, my wife decided to quit nicotine. I came home to find my Xbox, Playstation, Switch, and PC burning in our fire pit. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Happygofucky 0
Don't worry, once the stress from not smoking kicks in she will be begging you for a release. Have fun!
Woodsy007 0
wow. seriously? it's all about you. I'm so sorry your wife is trying to extend her life and a fantastic thing like quitting smoking. but oh no, it SUCKS being you because your just going to die without sex. boohoo.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (323)
whoisthisgirl 4
Hahahahahaha nice.
Isabel312 0
that sucks. for you. just tell her she can put something else in her mouth after sex instead of a cigarette. ;)
Nashie 0
Epic win #107!
enommis_fml 2
so funny
asdfghjklnicole 0
epic fail for the fake pic ;)
instnt1nfction 17
fake pic for what
TomFeltonFan 0
don't call 125 a fake just because your not as pretty, go stick your opinions and thoughts up your ass and sit in a corner and think about the wrongs you must right. that is all.
joe_says_so 0
ya I second this ^
tulsafml 0
yo momma
nightmare33 0
wtf is u talkin about i think u are most definitly lost
tulsafml 0
yo. momma.
TomFeltonFan 0
yo momma.
nightmare33 0
people these days !!! Smh
MissBunny25 0
fluffy puppy's momma says hi :D.
nightmare33 0
um ok??
JetLifeNextLife 0
123- are you lost?
tulsafml 0
my moms a bitch.
tulsafml 0
130- no she is not. she is not lost at all.
MissBunny25 0
:D
Jizwold 0
I'm way too lazy to go to google so what does smh stand for
MissBunny25 0
suck my hand
nightmare33 0
noo it does not mean that its like somthin yhu say wen ur disappointed in people
tulsafml 0
suck mike hawk
instnt1nfction 17
Sydney Morning Herald
instnt1nfction 17
Sydney Morning Herald
nightmare33 0
wow nice imagination you guys have...
TomFeltonFan 0
smh = Sunday morning head
iiNfAMoUs_KiiD 3
Wtf does 'smh' mean ?!
iiNfAMoUs_KiiD 3
LMFAO !
anakaren_831 1
Smelly Milky Hoes!
uncbballwins 0
Sunday Morning Head
TomFeltonFan 0
200 stole mine! :P
uncbballwins 0
I R A Theef
Mindtrap 0
scaring mental hoes :D
TomFeltonFan 0
207, why you steal all mah worldly possesions, huh?? :'(
EternaLCypha 0
yeahh sucks for you
Evy359 0
Buy her an Electric cigarette.
cldean24 4
They are so not the same.
jess6blondie9 3
That's what my mom thinks too.
Mysanitywins 10
What are they?
IStoleTheCookies 16
electric cigarette.....
scottishandrew1 0
87=win
Evy359 0
Sorry, I'm not a smoker I wouldn't know, just thought I'd throw it out there. @87 - Hehe :)
alakomonus 0
jess your quote it's suppose to be " I'm a lover not a fighter but I'll fight for what I love."
Astroman129 7
251- don't they blow steam instead of smoke so you can quit without damaging your lungs?
MissBunny25 0
254, no her quote is correct. there are two variations of that quote. macaroni for effort, though.
cldean24 4
Yeah, it is definitely water vapor that you inhale that has nicotine in it. They seem like a really awesome idea, but I don't think they would help most because it is very different and they don't seem as strong to me, even though the package says 2 or 3 puffs from an e-cig has the same nicotine content as an entire regular cigarette. If that truly is the case it just makes the body more dependent on nicotine instead of weaning you off of it. Chantix, the patch, or gum is really the best way to break the habit for those who can't quit cold turkey. I personally just smoked fewer cigs each day. But I was mostly just breaking the habit of having something in my hand compared to a nicotine addiction. I find habits are really hard to break and the chemical addiction seems to just be part of the habit, for me.
crmaes 0
the electronic ones do reduce the tar though. that's one of the biggest issues that screws with Ur lungs. sorry op I think that's pretty ridiculous.
deatheater97 0
hahahahaha sux for you
TomFeltonFan 0
"hey honey! I'm giving up smoking!" "that's great!" "I hope you also don't like having sex either!" "BITCH. PLEASE."
keese9413 0
hahahahha!
samadams42 0
that's now funny
TomFeltonFan 0
your right! and your now funny either! moron. :)
xxdrkndheartxx 0
Win ^
a_cassie 4
haha 70, that was great :D
mandyd80 0
70- It's 'you're'. If you are going to pick on someone's spelling, you should be more careful.
DiamondFinish 0
#236 If you're going to pick on someone then make sure you know what you are talking about. You mean grammar not spelling ass hat.
mandyd80 0
238- What are you talking about? 70 was ragging on the error of 63 typing 'now' and not 'not'. That is called misspelling a word. Hence a 'spelling error'.
DiamondFinish 0
I am talking about you not them. your and you're are grammar mistakes not spelling. Anybody can spell, so please refer yourself to the nearest elementary school.
alakomonus 0
lol 70 was not raging... not even close
420joe_fml_fml 0
@242 You originally attacked 70 on your and you're. That's called grammar. @246 Your grammar f%+king sucks. Way to go, asshat. @255 Raging and ragging are 2 different words. Btw, my spelling and grammar leave alot to be desired, so flame if you must. :)
420joe_fml_fml 0
Meh, enter button fail on my droid. XD
420joe_fml_fml 0
I get to flame myself. @242 I misuderstood your statements intent, and now realize it was a direct attack on his grammar for making fun of another's spelling. I chose to recomment since it won't let me edit my original post on my phone. I accept my own asshattedness and realize just how much more of an asshat 246 was. XD
Carpy 8
TomFelton - win :) mandyd80 - fail I hope 80 isn't your birth year. It would be sad to know you're 30 and trolling comment fields on websites looking to correct spelling & grammar of teenagers. Might be time to get a job and move out of your parents' house.
TomFeltonFan 0
278, agreed. and yes, I'm making fun of 63 of his gramatical error. want me to retype it? you're right! and you're now funny, either! moron. :) are you happy, you pieces of crap that stay on FML all day correcting people that auctually have a life on their "grammar"?
thrAsHeRr9081 16
Maybe he's dyslexic and meant "Now that's funny?"
siickman 7
yea its the internet, no one has to spell or have good grammer... its an option. but we do prefer good grammer and spelling even though i suk with grammer more than spellong :P
Capt_Oblivious 10
Shove a cigarette in her mouth, bend her over, and tell her she can give up sex, but you won't.
TomFeltonFan 0
ROFL nice.
kafriin 0
niice.(:
TheWorldGreatest 8
nice xx
nightmare33 0
thats soo truee
TomFeltonFan 0
DAMMIT! how dare you break the "nice" roll! SHAME ON YOU! XD
nightmare33 0
only ta get u mad. mission completed
TomFeltonFan 0
HELL NAWH! we gonna have a throw down now, bitchhhhhh :PP
nightmare33 0
ok lets go bitch ur so gay ur picture on her is a rainbow wtf is up with that u aint no rainbow bitch stop playin
instnt1nfction 17
please shut up Avril Lavigne and rainbow on crack
nightmare33 0
where da **** did u come from. u ruin everything. u r nothin like a boss. Ur not worthy to have that as ur picture
Mindtrap 0
ouch
TomFeltonFan 0
do you need a band-aid for that wound? cause shit just got deep :0
Capt_Oblivious 10
Ruin everything? lol I'm sure your used to having things ruined and especially familiar with the term 'fail', but hey, it's ok, not everyone can be a success in life. Now, go back and get my damn fries.
TymePickles 0
lol :3
nightmare33 0
im not ur mom go get ur own damn fries. :P
writergirl23 19
Hey, can people please stop embarrassing themselves by fighting over the silliest things. Thank you.
Happygofucky 0
Don't worry, once the stress from not smoking kicks in she will be begging you for a release. Have fun!
hippiechick91 0
Sex isn't the only way to relieve stress. Smoking is a bad addiction, if the OP wants her to live a healthy life then he should suck it up and support her. He's being a baby whining about it.
Levini 0
well... she might find a new pipe to smoke ...........
Thanatos1206 0
Cool story, bro ^
rogerover 19
No. She should suck it :))
nothing92x 13
Think about it like this OP: when she is finally through with cigarettes, you can have all the sex you want with her. You'll get much more sex after this whole quitting is done.
BAMF72 0
wish her luck bro, I've been trying to quit for a year now!! ={
BAMF72 0
well, yes. the things I crave a smoke from are big dinners, being board and stress. sex releases the stress. also, drinking is a big NO nothing better than a smoke and alcohol. that's just me.