Today, I found the list my wife made of the things she was going to give up for Lent. The first one was "Sex with other men". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my wife decided that to help her stop smoking, she's also giving up the things that make her crave a cigarette. Sex is one of them. FML
Today, I found out that when my girlfriend said she gave up sex for lent, it was just with me and not my brother. FML
Today, I found an odd notebook in my wife's desk and opened it. I learned why our sex life has gotten so boring: every time I upset her, she secretly bans something sexual. For instance: "June 16th - dented car - no more lingerie" or "August 9th - forgot wallet on date night - no more rope play." FML
Today, my wife is upset because at a party we took part in an X-rated 'Never Have I Ever', which exposed how filthy I was with past girlfriends, and how boring our sex life is. I’d done almost everything, while she, who’s only ever been with me, had only done 5 things off the list of about 40. FML
Today, I found out that my prude wife, who has given up on anything remotely sexually exciting, has been researching swinger clubs. I found out when she “accidentally” texted me a Vice article on the subject. FML
Today, my wife sent me a Google Calendar reminder for "sex". FML
Today, my wife lost interest in sex a long time ago. I’ve tried to reignite her interest lately, which culminated in an argument where she gave me permission to go out and shag other women. We might as well divorce at this point if she’s going to say things like that. FML
Today, I found out that my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I have in our last year of marriage. FML
Today, is another day that my wife will choose anything over sex. I don't want to flirt with her anymore. If I can't have a normal sex life, I would rather embrace celibacy. I love her and was flirting with her daily up until now, but if she needs some other kind of confirmation to feel sexy, she can go ahead and find it. I'm done. FML
Today, I was talking to my 81-year-old widowed grandmother on the phone, and she told me she was giving up sex for lent. Not only do I now have a vision of my grandma having sex, I am reminded that she is having more sex than me. FML
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Top comments
marthagayo 14
Well, you should give up monogamy!!
AmethystRain 20
Leave a list laying around for her to find, and make the first item: "marriage".
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Comments (220)
miss_kate10 0
Hahahahahahaha that sucks
shanemaximo 7
The worst part is, lent only lasts 40 days.
indielove 13
Give her up for lent. Only it won't be for 40 days but permanent.
periwinkle95 10
OP, divorce her ass and find someone that deserves you.
nightfire2258 24
1 you ma'am are a bitch.
choshaki 8
#1 won't be laughing if this happened to her. Smh
taco_bender 12
Get your self checked. She can have a bitch load of diseases
silentbutfunny 0
Thou shall not commit adultry. Doesn't that come before lent?
Damn_Hippster 11
OP should make a list that says he should stop having sex with other men as well...that'll confuse her
06dopey 8
1- you miss are an ignorant asshole
juicystar777 4
awwwh your wife is so caring. she only wants to do it with you! isn't that the way marriage is supposed to be? .. you should be flattered ;)
HeartOnSleeves 8
I can't tell of you're sarcastic or just dead serious.. All your comments are like this.
rttr 18
She was cheating on OP, and she is temporarily giving up cheating. As the person above me said, all of your comments are idiotic.
juicystar777 4
i am serious, why wouldn't I be? :( ohh, okay, that makes a lot more sense! here I was thinking OP should be a lot more greatful :P and no reason to be mean :( i have feelings too. thanks for clearing that up for me though!
HeartOnSleeves 8
Oh my gosh.
b0ngs 7
12- Your comments make me laugh- not because they're funny, but because of how stupid and peppy they sound.
AnagenisisZagus 13
A "little" oblivious, huh?
sweetness17 7
sorry, but you give blondes a bad name.
WoshJinchell93 11
I'm gonna get in on the action here and would tear.
skyyylines 22
47... Pretty sure I've seen 'her' photo posted all over tumblr for at least a year. She could be a he :)
silentbutfunny 0
Im glad her pic shows her blondeness, but i wished it stopped there
Awsumuzzie 12
She could be a pretty good troll. Valid picture and "preppy gal slang" in her description. But being that clueless is way too obvious.
blackbelt25 12
#8- key word is "temporarily"
andy231245 4
soooo 42 you come here often or what
silentbutfunny 0
42?
LolFMLnot 10
12 I am sorry , but there is something called "brain" you are lacking it .
marthagayo 14
Well, you should give up monogamy!!
So2011 4
And maybe have a threesome.
MerrikBarbarian 9
Statistically speaking humans aren't very monogamous anyways. Polygamy is more natural- and fun! :p
downtime 13
130 speaks the truth. Nothing against monogamous people :P
magicrock 8
Well OP... I know what you're not going to get for the next while. But I hope you do get a divorce!
SkoomaKi 28
Sunshine and lolipops!!!!
MrsUresti 8
I am sorry OP your wife sucks leave her and find someone who loves you for you and who will remain faithful to you!!!!
lucy566 0
What does OP mean?
friedchickenpie 14
Orange Pasta
studdmuffin1990 7
No one knows what it means but it's provocative and it gets the people goin ;)
drlove78843 6
Ocean pacific
sammyjanette 17
It means Obviously Philandering.
DJ_YDI 4
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Original Poster
whyusofat 17
Organic penguin
ninjadinos 14
What a dedicated woman!
phatdaddy62 23
Orgasmic Phenomenon.
ASSASSIN95 17
OP is short for Optimus Prime. It's just a fun nickname to the person who posted
Hollandiscrazy 12
53 - made my day! Niggaz in Paris! Haha!
clumsychik 1
Ovulating Prostate. Duh.
MisterDoctor 12
haha Blades of Glory, i like it.
silentbutfunny 0
85 said a bad word!!! Mod!!!! *sucks thumb*
Sirin_fml 47
That's sort of hot, silentbutfunny! Keep going while I get the camera.
silentbutfunny 0
Grab a card with alot of space, ill be here all night
HannahWho 8
Organic Prostitutes--home grown right here in the backyard of beautiful California. Their melons will never go bad!
waldoo37 8
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Original poster
br0ccoli 15
Omniscient Pickle
hellaflushfa5 6
Holy Jesus #5 I'll be your Mr Uresti
MrsUresti 8
#176 lmao
Calyx_fml 22
Obviously Philandering
stormthief 10
there being sarcastic!! no need to hate sarcastic comments
bearnblue 0
What animal don't you want to marry? A CHEATA!! No seriously dude Im sorry your wifes an ass
kellyf1995 0
Nice
iamabamf 17
Or a cougar? Oh, wait...
ninjadinos 14
Meeeeeow!
llamafish 25
Wait so is she a cat or a donkey?
bearnblue 0
Shes both. Shes a donkat
minisquid 9
This reminds me of this time I was in detention, and two male teachers were talking about the male counterpart to a cougar. It's a manther. That was freshman year, and I'm still scarred. *shudder*
AmethystRain 20
Leave a list laying around for her to find, and make the first item: "marriage".
KaiserSD 8
^ pure win right there, lol.
Redoxx_fml 22
Your list should include "being married to a hoe"
21jason 9
Did you give up the same thing?
VasilisaUzhasnaj 29
We don't know enough about OP to assume that he gave up sex with other men as well. But it's always a possibility.
downtime 13
Maybe that's the fml, he doesn't want to give up sex with other men, and it's ruined their orgy parties now that she's unwilling to participate.
cutiepie111 3
aww sorry OP! I feel bad for you, your wife's an ass!