Today, my wife appropriated our savings to finance her crazy, midlife crisis idea of designing and marketing Cheez Whiz dildos. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my wife is pissed I bought a $600 drill set on sale for only $200, because the one I had wasn't strong enough for the job i just started at. Yet the $300 I just spent for her to go to a concert isn't even in a the equation. FML
Today, my wife threw a piece of tofu cake at my head for suggesting that the money she'd spent on magic "healing" crystals and homeopathic "remedies" would've just as well been spent on a chocolate teapot. FML
Today, my wife always wants to spend on big items, like a new pool or home renovations; I want to save for our future. At 45 years of age, we are in heavy debt and I have no other assets as a backup. I should have stood up to her from the beginning. FML
Today, I found out that the money that my wife claims went into repairing her car engine actually is going towards helping her pay for a divorce. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, and hold it up when she gets bored during sex. FML
Today, I got home from work and was immediately greeted by my wife following me around, moaning and complaining endlessly. I got so fed up that I went into the fridge, cut some cheese, and gave it to her, saying, "Some cheese to go with the whine." She broke the plate over my head. It was worth it. FML
Today, my wife decided to take from our savings and donate £500 to the church “for the starving people.” I wasn’t aware crooked priests were starving but hey ho, now she’s mad at me I cancelled the cheque since I would like to retire before I’m 80. FML
Today, my wife figured out I gave her a dollar store ring for our anniversary. FML
Today, my girlfriend, who collects monthly welfare cheques, demanded that I get a second job so I could buy her more things. FML
Today, my wife spent a ton of money she took from me for a very expensive lingerie because, "it makes her feel more feminine and beautiful." Again. All this stuff just gathers dust in her drawers, and she keeps wearing the same ugly raggedy underwear for 3-4 days in a row, which is actually disgusting. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Schizomaniac 24
No funny/clever comment this time. This is just ****** up. Your wife needs help.
Nyx_fml 23
Come on, OP. Let your wife follow her cheesy dreams. There must be lots of cheese lovers who love cheese so much that they would date it and **** it.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (93)
BFons 19
I would totally buy one of those if I were a woman.
kasmol 16
I want hear more about these ******. Are they ****** that you create from an aerosol can...like aerosol insulation? Are they cheese flavored ******? Could they be ****** colored to look like cheese wiz? Or is this just an excuse to slip a cheese wiz can into her coochie?
Inhuman87 4
This is a man that asks all the right questions.
cgd825 11
I see 1 end you get pleasure from it and the other you can use to ********** with
Summoner_T3L 15
It ain't easy bein' cheesy, OP
LittleMagicWolf 7
How do you even...?
emmybabe987 10
what?
babeababe 16
Maybe if you get a little down and dirty with her, and lick some Cheeze Whiz off her, it'll get it out of her system.
snazzily 2
that would go great with my wheat thins fleshlight
Flashman9000 9
Mmmmh ******
askingandy 23
Do you mean literal cheese? Like, a ***** that squirts cheese after awhile of use? Because that'd be disgusting.