Today, my wife appropriated our savings to finance her crazy, midlife crisis idea of designing and marketing Cheez Whiz dildos. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife is pissed I bought a $600 drill set on sale for only $200, because the one I had wasn't strong enough for the job i just started at. Yet the $300 I just spent for her to go to a concert isn't even in a the equation. FML
Today, my wife threw a piece of tofu cake at my head for suggesting that the money she'd spent on magic "healing" crystals and homeopathic "remedies" would've just as well been spent on a chocolate teapot. FML
Today, my wife always wants to spend on big items, like a new pool or home renovations; I want to save for our future. At 45 years of age, we are in heavy debt and I have no other assets as a backup. I should have stood up to her from the beginning. FML
Today, I found out that the money that my wife claims went into repairing her car engine actually is going towards helping her pay for a divorce. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, and hold it up when she gets bored during sex. FML
Today, I got home from work and was immediately greeted by my wife following me around, moaning and complaining endlessly. I got so fed up that I went into the fridge, cut some cheese, and gave it to her, saying, "Some cheese to go with the whine." She broke the plate over my head. It was worth it. FML
Today, my wife decided to take from our savings and donate £500 to the church “for the starving people.” I wasn’t aware crooked priests were starving but hey ho, now she’s mad at me I cancelled the cheque since I would like to retire before I’m 80. FML
Today, my wife figured out I gave her a dollar store ring for our anniversary. FML
Today, my girlfriend, who collects monthly welfare cheques, demanded that I get a second job so I could buy her more things. FML
Today, my wife spent a ton of money she took from me for a very expensive lingerie because, "it makes her feel more feminine and beautiful." Again. All this stuff just gathers dust in her drawers, and she keeps wearing the same ugly raggedy underwear for 3-4 days in a row, which is actually disgusting. FML
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Top comments
Schizomaniac 24
No funny/clever comment this time. This is just ****** up. Your wife needs help.
Nyx_fml 23
Come on, OP. Let your wife follow her cheesy dreams. There must be lots of cheese lovers who love cheese so much that they would date it and **** it.
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Comments (93)
Nyx_fml 23
Come on, OP. Let your wife follow her cheesy dreams. There must be lots of cheese lovers who love cheese so much that they would date it and **** it.
Shy_Anne 10
OP's wife is a genius
puggypark 14
What's so genius about making a cheese whiz *****?
MrSassypants 34
Everything.
jessBeAqueen 13
#1 this would be a dream come true for me. my two favorite things combined. no way this could go wrong
hghrider123456 9
this shall cause the fry meme to become a lot more popular
nurchok 15
#14, the most genius part is that it's going to be edible...
SJParker 13
Last time i checked, you don't date a *****.
Nyx_fml 23
But it's so cold-hearted to just **** it and leave it. You should at least take it dancing before.
Schizomaniac 24
No funny/clever comment this time. This is just ****** up. Your wife needs help.
K410 18
Ya talk about blowing away his money...
i_wuz_nver_here 31
How exactly does one combine sprayable cheese product and plastic dicks?
ptoka 20
I don't want to know...
helen_ellexo 22
When you cum Cheez Wiz shoot out the other end and into your mouth? ... A little too graphic?
clemsi 20
Not graphic enough 18...what do you do if you have a miss fire and end up with Cheese Whiz in your eye?
MrConcise 35
Think South Park's rendition of Shake Weights, only a ***** and Cheez Whiz instead.
DKjazz 20
Is Cheez Whiz good on fish?
radiocaf 29
That's the magic of it, #3. That's why she has this potentially million dollar idea and you are left wondering how this idea would work ;-)
helen_ellexo 22
#20 I can think of worse things that can get in your eye...
ghostanimal 8
Some of us dream of being doctors, others shoot to becoming a famous actor, and I guess a very small group want to design Cheez Whiz ******.
johobus28 26
Or Whizdos for short
singer0421 32
What's Cheez Whiz? Is that just a cheese flavored *****? Sounds kinky.
ydi_4_suking 20
Sounds kinda gross
CharresBarkrey 16
It's spray-able cheese in a can.
MrGoodTimes 4
I was going to make some cheesy joke but...
Bluekaren16 19
You have our parmesan.
WompWompWomp123 7
It better be a gouda one.
Spider_Web 11
I'm feta up with all these cheese puns. I think we cheddar stop
zwillyc 3
Lets Brie this nonsense to an end
picante72 24
She should expand the food product line to other condiments like whipped cream, chocolate syrup, caramel, ketchup. She could have it automatically dispense baby oil and spermicide too.
soldiat_fml 17
Not sure the spermicide and cheese would taste that great together.
shanannygians07 28
I dont think spermicide could ever taste could no matter the flavors involved
Epikouros 32
I'm confused. If the spermicide works, you don't need the baby oil, do you?
Dannie1308 11
why would she need spermicide for a *****?
LukeE45 10
I hear there's a great market for those currently, now is it the version that sprays the cheez wiz or simply tastes like it?
Squirrel1256 15
She could be on to something, OP, but just in case, maybe you should hide some of your money from her.
TheDrifter 24
Cheez whiz? She really couldn't come up with a better flavor to start with?