Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, and hold it up when she gets bored during sex. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that getting on all fours and barking at my penis for fun in the center of a mall is extremely inappropriate. She thinks otherwise, and promises to do it again. FML
Today, I gave my girlfriend a small stun gun I bought for her. She mentioned how she thought it was ''cute'', though it probably wouldn't help if someone was after her. She then put the tazer to my chest. When I woke up, she told me how it was my fault, for buying it for her. FML
Today, I gave my girlfriend a new TV as a 10th anniversary present. She gave me a torch on a keyring. FML
Today, for 20 minutes, I watched my girlfriend use a mini flashlight to look for her keys in her purse. The flashlight was on her key chain. As were her keys. FML
Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML
Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML
Today, already knowing that my girlfriend wanted to be "just friends", I invited her over, hoping to change her mind. She was playfully drawing on me with a pen when I noticed she'd written "Emily's property" on my leg. I said "Aw, I'm yours?" She then drew a for-sale sign on me. FML
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend, only for her to slap me, throwing the "fake ring" away and storming off, convinced it was a cruel joke. FML
Today, my boyfriend proposed. He gave me a really unique ring that I absolutely loved… at first. When I showed it off to my friends, one of them laughed so hard that she started crying, and said it looks just like a vagina. She's right, and now I can't unsee it. FML
Today, it was our 5th anniversary, so I decided to play a little joke on my girlfriend. Before I gave her the real present, an engagement ring, I gave her a gift-wrapped rolling pin instead. I ended up in the hospital. FML
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Top comments
WiseGuy79 14
That's damn hilarious but a DO NOT ENTER sign would be even better...
Janawa 22
Well, I hope you get better at sex, for her sake.
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Comments (126)
Janawa 22
Well, I hope you get better at sex, for her sake.
cakefete2 31
Yea, then maybe she'll get a "slippery when wet" sign.
peacheso 31
Haha! I'm buying a "children crossing" sign for my pregnant sister.
iLike2Teabag 27
At least it wasn't a "yield to incoming traffic" sign
gotaplanstan 28
or a "Utility work ahead" sign...
JJ_86 22
Get a emergency siren/lights to counter it. You don't need to stop then. Or just get better at pleasing so she never can pull the sign up.
foxwasalamb 24
she gets bored often enough during sex she needed a sign? your poor girlfriend
mbuck87 19
When the sign goes up, it's not good
WiseGuy79 14
That's damn hilarious but a DO NOT ENTER sign would be even better...
Stazza11 27
It is fantastic! But poor OP, I mean I think I would be pissed off and upset pretty bad if that happened to me so I have so much sympathy :S
JJ_86 22
And a closed for maintenance sign during that time of the month.
hulopro 16
at least its not a BEWARE OF DOG sign...
Sandman366 6
"Wrong Way" would also be an interesting one. (Hope she doesn't get "Under Construction", that'd be a little disturbing.)
cleo_ann 11
Ouch. Sorry XD
Rallred32 20
Congrats. You just wasted a comment.
warsun 27
You're not even sorry
Rozebosje 13
That actually is quite funny. :')
JJ_86 22
Yup, she's a keeper. You got to work hard at not ever letting her pull up that sign OP.
nikoelaas 1
Good sense of humor. And you need to step up your game. A keeper. Work harder boy.
nikoelaas 1
Or buy some handcuffs so she is not able to put it up.
Morning_fml 22
There goes your self-esteem...
SpamPam 18
What Im thinking is, is OP's bf so bad at listening/understanding when OP doesn't want to continue that she literally has to hold up a stop sign to get it across?
RedPillSucks 33
Or she's not good at explaining what she wants him to do during sex.
Adam5858 17
Find something to annoy her in the same kind of way
spatula232 25
ROUGH CONDITIONS, SLOW DOWN
cakefete2 31
Idk, 6, from the looks of things, the sex might be as annoying to her as the sign is to OP.
ohSNAPyall 27
Slow down? Or SPEED HUMP
NITEMARE4U 9
Don't stop believing!! Give it your all because that's all you can do. Maybe next time try spicing it up with something new
CurvyisCool 22
Did you try to rhyme? Because that was amazing.
RedPillSucks 33
Don't stop believin' Hold on to that feelin' Streetlight people
tjaded 6
Dang that sucks. Maybe she just isn't interested enough. Try implementing some new stuff in the bedroom, like maybe not sexing it up in the bedroom all the time. Just a thought. FYL
Lil_Red777 21
Or maybe he's just not good in bed?
singer0421 32
Talk about a roadblock...
skittycat213 19
At least it's not under construction
ohSNAPyall 27
Give them a brake!