Today, my wife appropriated our savings to finance her crazy, midlife crisis idea of designing and marketing Cheez Whiz dildos. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my wife is pissed I bought a $600 drill set on sale for only $200, because the one I had wasn't strong enough for the job i just started at. Yet the $300 I just spent for her to go to a concert isn't even in a the equation. FML
Today, my wife threw a piece of tofu cake at my head for suggesting that the money she'd spent on magic "healing" crystals and homeopathic "remedies" would've just as well been spent on a chocolate teapot. FML
Today, my wife always wants to spend on big items, like a new pool or home renovations; I want to save for our future. At 45 years of age, we are in heavy debt and I have no other assets as a backup. I should have stood up to her from the beginning. FML
Today, I found out that the money that my wife claims went into repairing her car engine actually is going towards helping her pay for a divorce. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, and hold it up when she gets bored during sex. FML
Today, I got home from work and was immediately greeted by my wife following me around, moaning and complaining endlessly. I got so fed up that I went into the fridge, cut some cheese, and gave it to her, saying, "Some cheese to go with the whine." She broke the plate over my head. It was worth it. FML
Today, my wife decided to take from our savings and donate £500 to the church “for the starving people.” I wasn’t aware crooked priests were starving but hey ho, now she’s mad at me I cancelled the cheque since I would like to retire before I’m 80. FML
Today, my wife figured out I gave her a dollar store ring for our anniversary. FML
Today, my girlfriend, who collects monthly welfare cheques, demanded that I get a second job so I could buy her more things. FML
Today, my wife spent a ton of money she took from me for a very expensive lingerie because, "it makes her feel more feminine and beautiful." Again. All this stuff just gathers dust in her drawers, and she keeps wearing the same ugly raggedy underwear for 3-4 days in a row, which is actually disgusting. FML
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Top comments
Schizomaniac 24
No funny/clever comment this time. This is just ****** up. Your wife needs help.
Nyx_fml 23
Come on, OP. Let your wife follow her cheesy dreams. There must be lots of cheese lovers who love cheese so much that they would date it and **** it.
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Comments (93)
AnimeGirl1 10
Her idea is very cheesy, not too sharp or cheddar(clever) :)
BradTheBrony 19
If you need to explain it, it doesn't work. If it doesn't work, don't go for it.
Wiz_Of_Oz 17
There is definitely a niche in the ***** market waiting for something like this to fit it.
BradTheBrony 19
Giggity.
gentrysu 10
I am so entertained right now.
dravvy 7
So she's making larger Cheetos basically, only more durable.
ClashParody 21
... I will never look at Cheetos the same ...
olpally 33
What a freak... Good lord :/
fieldhockeygal97 19
This is one of the weirdest and most ****** up FMLs I've ever read...
Axel5238 29
If this is serious, have you considered having your wife see a psychiatrist? I mean mid life crisis is one thing, but making ****** out of cheeze wiz is something else. Either this is a joke or your wife has taken leave of her senses.
Anonomusturd 9
Man, in these strange times we live in, it just might work...
WingedApollo 12
I hope she takes this opportunity to call them Cheese Dicks.
crazytwinsmom 25
Cheese jiz?