Today, my wife appropriated our savings to finance her crazy, midlife crisis idea of designing and marketing Cheez Whiz dildos. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife is pissed I bought a $600 drill set on sale for only $200, because the one I had wasn't strong enough for the job i just started at. Yet the $300 I just spent for her to go to a concert isn't even in a the equation. FML
Today, my wife threw a piece of tofu cake at my head for suggesting that the money she'd spent on magic "healing" crystals and homeopathic "remedies" would've just as well been spent on a chocolate teapot. FML
Today, my wife always wants to spend on big items, like a new pool or home renovations; I want to save for our future. At 45 years of age, we are in heavy debt and I have no other assets as a backup. I should have stood up to her from the beginning. FML
Today, I found out that the money that my wife claims went into repairing her car engine actually is going towards helping her pay for a divorce. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, and hold it up when she gets bored during sex. FML
Today, I got home from work and was immediately greeted by my wife following me around, moaning and complaining endlessly. I got so fed up that I went into the fridge, cut some cheese, and gave it to her, saying, "Some cheese to go with the whine." She broke the plate over my head. It was worth it. FML
Today, my wife decided to take from our savings and donate £500 to the church “for the starving people.” I wasn’t aware crooked priests were starving but hey ho, now she’s mad at me I cancelled the cheque since I would like to retire before I’m 80. FML
Today, my wife figured out I gave her a dollar store ring for our anniversary. FML
Today, my girlfriend, who collects monthly welfare cheques, demanded that I get a second job so I could buy her more things. FML
Today, my wife spent a ton of money she took from me for a very expensive lingerie because, "it makes her feel more feminine and beautiful." Again. All this stuff just gathers dust in her drawers, and she keeps wearing the same ugly raggedy underwear for 3-4 days in a row, which is actually disgusting. FML
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Top comments
Schizomaniac 24
No funny/clever comment this time. This is just ****** up. Your wife needs help.
Nyx_fml 23
Come on, OP. Let your wife follow her cheesy dreams. There must be lots of cheese lovers who love cheese so much that they would date it and **** it.
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Comments (93)
bobak_can_ani 7
find out who put that idea into her head. middle aged housewives are good targets for scams
snugglesMcGee199 23
How would this work? O.o
bayliebug 14
I hope OP comments and explains to us the full design for these things. I just don't understand how those two products could work together...
wobbley 9
Nobody want a cheesy dick so can someone please explain to me why you would want a cheesy *****?
BauerMegan 31
What the actual **** is wrong with her!?
ViviMage 40
I can't imagine the yeast infection a Cheez Wiz ***** would make. It's not even decent cheese to eat. .....yuck!
monnanon 14
does she perhaps have a friend who works for Canestan? i kind of see what she is getting at but who would want cheeze in their ****** or from a canister that tastes like ******. no doubt there is a niche market somewhere in the fetish world.
aarrgh 3
Shelf stable food product inside a ***** that would shoot all over her face!?! Genius! Where do I get one? More important... Where do I get a kinky wife like that? She's full of win!
Larry01_fml 19
I'd love to see this on shark tank
Emiler98 11
I have a friend who's obsessed with cheese. So there might be other people like her out there