Today, my son, who seems to think that he is a "gangsta" despite being a white boy from the suburbs, cried because I accidentally burned his grilled cheese. He's 28. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML
Today, my son decided he wanted roasted marshmallows. It would've been fine, except he put the entire bag into the oven I had preheating for pizza and caught it on fire. FML
Today, my son is going through a rebellious phase. He's taken to wearing leather and chains, listening to death metal music all day in his room alone, and screaming at me in public places. He was fired from his part-time job for swearing at customers. My son is 29 years old. FML
Today, my son watched some ridiculous Japanese cartoon about shokugeki cooking and is convinced he's the greatest cook ever by copying what happens in the show. He set fire to my frying pan, panicked, and dumped it in the ceramic sink, which cracked from the heat and flooded my kitchen. FML
Today, I found out that my 4-year-old son is truly convinced that I am a ghost. He also thinks that I died from burning, "because of your face". FML
Today, my son got a beating. Apparently, he went to a club, waited until he saw a couple of girls pulling a duckface for a photo, then rushed over and threw pieces of bread at them. Their boyfriends, not too surprisingly, didn't appreciate this. I had to drive the idiot home from the hospital. FML
Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML
Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML
Today, I found out that, when mad at us, my son picks the tops off his shoulder-pimples and sprinkles them in our food. FML
Today, I tried to make a grilled cheese sandwich for myself, but as soon as I started, my mom rushed into the kitchen and criticized me for making it "wrong". She then made the sandwich for me. It tasted significantly worse than when I make them. FML
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Top comments
br0ccoli 15
Son: "You be grillin my cheese all wrong, yo. Get out my face, bizniych. *cries*. Imma make this shit myself..*phone rings*...Oh hello, mr. Hildebrandt, yes I will be at the office on Tuesday *hangs up*....pshh that boy be tripping...**** we're out of red kooilaid. Oh heyyl noo. No koolaid?!?! *cries*"
ScottieJo 8
lol. I actually have passionate hate for those white boy "gangsta". Or "wiggers" as they sometimes call themselves.
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Comments (237)
viper8608 9
I tell you what. its time to push the bird from the nest and hope he can fly.
zandalee 20
Yep. 28; way too old to be at home crying over Mummy burning the cheese on toast.
movealongnow 1
Finally someone said it! Kick him out of your house and stop cooking for his failure to launch self!
mfischer 17
I don't know if anyone can realistically hope that he can fly after this incident. Kick him out of the nest, hope that he doesn't break his neck, and then hope walking will be enough to get him through life.
brianjman14 23
The only shit wiggers can talk is on FaceBook.
jay2121 3
Or if they outnumber you about 4:1, because they're *******.
pokefan813 16
I got outnumbered 9:1 once. People suck...
Ozuru 11
^ reminds me of a quote I saw: 9 out of 10 participants enjoy gang rape.
the_derps 4
rape jokes aren't funny.
calbiasso 12
Ermagersh we have the same iPhone case virtual hi five!
LuckyLynx7732 5
Wow I really hope he isn't living with you.
RigPig 3
People like this make me wish Darwin was still around.
jetsown08 21
Why? It's not like Darwin executed the unfit and idiots when he was alive...
Crazberry 5
19- That's a great image lol. Imagine him morphing into the half-ape/half-Darwin creature and doing that exact thing :P
RigPig 3
19- look up his theory of natural selection. Even better yet, do it before making yourself look like an idiot. Derp.
Crazberry 5
46- His theories are still around. We don't need the person who created them to come and explain them to us. Not that he would anyway, upon seeing this discussion...
RigPig 3
Wow, you sure are a sharp one.
SirCharles83 13
Crazberry-1 rigpig-0
Crazberry 5
49- Yeah well at least one of us is :)
RigPig 3
The quality of insight in this thread is incredible. Obviously I didn't mean that Darwin was enforcing selection himself. It's an expression, as in this kid should, by established anthropological theory, not have survived to 28. Such as the Darwin awards, awarded to noteworthy dipshits; Charles Darwin doesn't hand these out himself, does he?
ManInTheMachine 20
RigPig: I feel as though I should tell you that you are still making absolutely no sense. God knows I tried to understand your comment, but I don't. Based on your last comment though, what you probably meant to say was: "Looks like Darwin was hibernating during this one's childhood." Or "It looks like natural selection is dead." Either would've sufficed, but you over-complicated it. Better luck next time, yeah?
Axipiter 24
And the Darwin award goes to... RigPig. Congratulations! Please come up to the podium to accept your extinction.
spacemanspiff78 7
Why the shit is B Rad living with you at 28? Time to cut the cord before you're responsible for a Jersey Shore addition.
Torres92 1
Why are you making him grilled cheese at his age?
Crazberry 5
Because she's his mother and she'll never be rid of the instinct to take care of him?
SystemofaBlink41 27
41- yes but being such a little bitch about burning his grilled cheese, I'd be like "Make your own goddamn sandwiches!"... Cause seriously, how hard can it be to go look for two slices of bread and a slice of cheese and do it yourself...
jasmine1259 2
I agree, I don't know why you got thumbed down. That BOY needs to learn to make his own sandwich if he's gonna cry like a bitch cause his mommy made it wrong.
supportcommand 17
I think you should drop him off at a H.A. Club house. See how gangsta he really is.
Crazberry 5
Hell's Angels aren't "gangstas" though... They're "businessmen".
supportcommand 17
My apologies. Didn't mean to categorize them as a gang. I know that they are businessman I swear. Please don't snitch on me.
Mayshod 3
Sounds like you did a great job as a parent to prepare him to be an adult. Congrats. Next time make him cook his own damn grilled cheese.
eternal7 6
He's so gangsta he doesn't do tattooed tears. He goes for the real thing. Holla.
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
Does the race really matter? But I giggled at the grilled cheese thing. I hate wannabe gangsters more than anything.
TheDrifter 24
True. This FML is just as funny picturing him as Carleton from Fresh Prince of Bel Aire