Today, I found out that, when mad at us, my son picks the tops off his shoulder-pimples and sprinkles them in our food. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I walked into the dining room to find my mom popping pimples on my dad's back. FML
Today, I woke up to my five year old son picking off the scabs from his chicken pox and dropping them into my open mouth as I slept. FML
Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML
Today, while at a restaurant, I watched in horror as my daughter picked a hair out of her food and continued eating it. FML
Today, I found out that my son thinks it's acceptable to use words like "on fleek" in high school level essays. FML
Today, I was wondering why my home smelled so weird, until I found out that my 4 year old son had been secretly scattering around food he didn't like to eat throughout the house. How did I find out? No one else in this family leaves half eaten spinach all over my underwear drawer. FML
Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML
Today, I gave my kid some Pop Rocks. He shoveled a handful in his mouth, then screamed when they started popping and spat them all over the carpet. FML
Today, my 8-year-old son decided to make some rice for lunch. When we had it, I noticed a horrid gritty taste. It turns out, he puts dirt in the rice to make "Dirty Rice". FML
Today, my friends were being rude to me, so I decided to be nice to a boy that didn't have many friends. While I was talking to him he popped a pimple on his face and tasted it. FML
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Top comments
MorningGranite 3
Thats.....gross
ajmacrae 5
EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWW!!!! I just threw up in my lecture when I read that
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Comments (273)
MorningGranite 3
Thats.....gross
EwanSmith 2
don't knock it till you've... no your right that is gross
flamegrilled123 3
I read that while eating...
youcunthole 0
12 cool story bro
wikkedphuka 0
omg that sooo nasty i waz tuened on now im dry... phfft!
TuckinFypos 2
I believe it provides extra protein for op.
deviable 9
Maybe with the right seasoning... Like death? Death seems like the only seasoning that would redeem this atrocity.
kooochris1995 14
OP deserves it for raising her son like that. :P
MrSchneebly 5
1 - your picture goes well with your comment
xcarxcrashx 9
I would eat my kids face off if he did that.
dillonManning 9
^ what if he has acne on his face double zit eating
theaws0m3guy 4
You're a...pimpleeater!!!
hitman_mata 2
Yes thats nasty
supnowww 0
That's funny.
Henneryy 2
I Think Thats Gross But What If Everytime You Ate The Food He'd Sprinkle With His Pimple You Guys Would Say "What Did You Put In This?! It Tastes AMAZING!" Either Way Fyl D:
LolFMLnot 10
So that was the secret ingredient this whole time!
plasticspoon 0
11 it's "you're"
FckYoCOUCH 6
I can't even joke about that... Thats just undeniably repulsive...
night_ryder13 5
oh god I just gagged! btw love your username
tjv3 10
I would rip off his arms and beat him with the bloody stumps
friedchickenpie 14
Cambell's chicken soup with secret sprinkles! Mm mm good...
pepelapew 0
I lost my morning wood instantly just now.
ajmacrae 5
EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWW!!!! I just threw up in my lecture when I read that
nebula748 14
YDI for reading FML in a lecture.
deviable 9
Hmm, maybe you should write an FML about that?
redtigerlily 5
No you didn't.
KeyboardWarrior 10
You people have some seriously weak stomachs if just READING this made you throw up, or even gag.
MagicallyFat 12
That's do gross I would start cooking his meals and adding te dirtiest absurd in there. Your pubes, boogies, toenail clippings. THIS IS WAR
save_da_whales 0
98- but then he would get them back worse and they would be eating all kinds of gross stuff.....
MagicallyFat 12
100 that's true. I guess I'm a bit grossed out my first idea was to wage war hahaha.
TheHOSShaha 0
How would you know if the person did or did not?!
GLiseeyy 1
Umm wtf yuck
NOTquiteRAMBO 10
DAMN I was eating..
GLiseeyy 1
Lol
SuperKnuckels 6
Needs to spicen it up abit... BAM!
ambamm135 7
That is just wow... Really? That's beyond disgusting!
BeefyQueef 5
Don't knock it before you've tried it
jcarolina 4
That is just ******* disturbing.
beckl 5
That is seriously super gross. It's forever in my brain.
aladdinsprincess 0
That is quite nauseating!
Riya2595 15
Eww. Well at least you are immune to his germs now!
ScaughtieHolden 11
Lamborghini Aventador! :D
AnagenisisZagus 13
^I don't get it.
screamo_neve 12
I think 10 was referring to 6's photo.
JMTS 0
Why is his picture of an FML?
BeastManzero 0
55 I was wondering that also like if it was on accident or on purpose.
JMTS 0
I was referring to Number 10 for those who didn't know.
shanemaximo 7
Who would park a Lamborghini on a curb for a photo shoot?
Riya2595 15
129. It's called photoshopping!
RedMosquito 4
Make him the family taste tester before all meals from now on
MaaaanWTF 1
**** that. Make him buy his own damn food and prepare his own meals from now on. What an ungrateful piece of shit.
kaylee777 0
Don't let him near food. o.O
Buttsexpirate 9
Show him what you do when you're angry! Spank the shit out him or something!
EvilLilCupcake 10
That could just excite him.
yumlicious 4
This calls for more than spanking. More like serious hardcore beating and gleefully handing him over to child services when he bitches. This is seriously disturbing. Future serial killer...
EvilTwerp 12
Make him walk the plank.
tweetypie 18
Wtf is wrong with you?
lilemmy55 10
69 likes ;)
chiquita223 4
child abuse?
krispybacon4321 23
@194 & 268-that person is the best kind of parent that disciplines their kids for being absolute shitheads. Dislike this comment if you want, but what I'm saying is the truth. Most white people don't make their kids do shit around the house, like chores or anything. If their kids are being assholes, the parents are like oh that's bad don't do that. While other parents are like oh hell no you little shit and they spank them. Spanking is NOT child abuse.
omgthatsosuppera 4
I just threw up a little on the inside ...