Today, my son, who seems to think that he is a "gangsta" despite being a white boy from the suburbs, cried because I accidentally burned his grilled cheese. He's 28. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML
Today, my son decided he wanted roasted marshmallows. It would've been fine, except he put the entire bag into the oven I had preheating for pizza and caught it on fire. FML
Today, my son is going through a rebellious phase. He's taken to wearing leather and chains, listening to death metal music all day in his room alone, and screaming at me in public places. He was fired from his part-time job for swearing at customers. My son is 29 years old. FML
Today, my son watched some ridiculous Japanese cartoon about shokugeki cooking and is convinced he's the greatest cook ever by copying what happens in the show. He set fire to my frying pan, panicked, and dumped it in the ceramic sink, which cracked from the heat and flooded my kitchen. FML
Today, I found out that my 4-year-old son is truly convinced that I am a ghost. He also thinks that I died from burning, "because of your face". FML
Today, my son got a beating. Apparently, he went to a club, waited until he saw a couple of girls pulling a duckface for a photo, then rushed over and threw pieces of bread at them. Their boyfriends, not too surprisingly, didn't appreciate this. I had to drive the idiot home from the hospital. FML
Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML
Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML
Today, I found out that, when mad at us, my son picks the tops off his shoulder-pimples and sprinkles them in our food. FML
Today, I tried to make a grilled cheese sandwich for myself, but as soon as I started, my mom rushed into the kitchen and criticized me for making it "wrong". She then made the sandwich for me. It tasted significantly worse than when I make them. FML
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Top comments
br0ccoli 15
Son: "You be grillin my cheese all wrong, yo. Get out my face, bizniych. *cries*. Imma make this shit myself..*phone rings*...Oh hello, mr. Hildebrandt, yes I will be at the office on Tuesday *hangs up*....pshh that boy be tripping...**** we're out of red kooilaid. Oh heyyl noo. No koolaid?!?! *cries*"
ScottieJo 8
lol. I actually have passionate hate for those white boy "gangsta". Or "wiggers" as they sometimes call themselves.
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Comments (237)
anarchistpunk 3
Damn, it's rufless up in those suburbs. Specially when mama burns the grilled cheese. That shit's crazy, poor wigga
Enslaved 38
White boys from the suburbs, are the ones you also need to worry about. They always feel like they need to prove themselves because of the stereotype some of you are laughing about here.
liftedyoda 5
Sooo hes 28 and cant make his own food?
JD008 0
Burn him at the stake
Swiko 11
Grilled cheese tastes amazing burnt.
maemadness 2
He is finally cracking up from living a lie for so long.
Papiamilli 1
Well u know it's hard out here for a pimp!
primitiveplus 8
Looks like he... *puts on sunglasses* was pretty cheesed. YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH--
Axipiter 24
God damn it 103, the sunglasses should have stayed off until the word "cheesed".
primitiveplus 8
Hahah I just realized this, I'm not worthy of Horatio-esque musings anymore, my privileges have been revoked.
heyoo 1
Reminded me of Malibu's Most Wanted :P
Fisheyedfool7 2
Cut that ******* cord mom! Think it's past due!