Today, I realised that my staff doesn't take me seriously. I walked in on my chef, who had just spent an hour and half carving a block of cheese to make cheddar goggles for himself. When I confronted him, he pulled up his t-shirt to reveal a cocktail sausage taped to his stomach. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came back to my dormitory after a long shift at work. After using the toilet, I looked at myself in the mirror, only to find a huge piece of food stuck between my front teeth. I work at one of the fanciest restaurants in town; nobody bothered to tell me anything. FML
Today, I had a barbecue. My boss won't believe me tomorrow when I tell him that the main pages of his 2-months worth of work file helped make the best sausages I've ever cooked. FML
Today, I was preparing a customer's meal in my restaurant's kitchen, when I choked on my own saliva and went into a coughing fit. The head chef, who's always hated my guts, accused me of trying to hock a loogie into the meal and fired me on the spot. FML
Today, while on break from work, I went to the cafeteria and bought cheese cubes. One of my coworkers, who is usually very pleasant, asked to try some and I said yes. She ate all the cheddar cubes in the bowl, which are the only ones I like. I wasted $3 for someone else to eat my food. FML
Today, my boss hired a new meat cutter because our old one stopped showing up for work. After he put the smock on, I told him what needed to be done. Without saying a word, he walks over to my boss, hands him his smock and says, "I quit." Guess I'm on my own. FML
Today, I was disciplined by my boss for "not smiling enough." I'm a dishwasher. FML
Today, while waiting tables, I watched a woman pull the bacon off her roast beef melt and eat it. She then called me over and spent several minutes complaining about the our chefs' inadequacy because they didn't put bacon on her sandwich. FML
Today, after weeks of stealing lunch from one of my employees, he made a sandwich with canned cat food, soap, and something unimaginably spicy that caused me to spew all over my office and laptop. I fired him. Now everyone is treating me like a monster. FML
Today, one of my usually unpleasant managers offered me a slice of cheese cake for doing a good job. I declined, but after some pestering on his part I finally accepted it. I have been violently ill for the past two hours. FML
Today, while working at a sandwich shop, we had a shortage and could only put so many veggies on one sandwich. I explained this to one man who was grumpy about it, but kept on ordering. I thought everything went well. He thought my face was a good target to launch his completed sandwich at. FML
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Top comments
SpaceCoyote 0
YDI for not appreciating the art of perfectly sculpted cheddar goggles.
123sploosh 0
can someone please explain this to me? i dont know what its talking about
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Comments (105)
ThuhBoss 0
Fail.
nates0210 0
fire him
silentsniper441 0
bratwurst
Cardflip 0
ahahaha that's hilarious
Horney4her69 0
fire him
Tripout 0
WHAT
jayjaysmokerson 0
no don't fire him. he sounds hilarious!!! does he also have a bit with a cream pie in someones face? (cue slapstick sountrack)
saviisneat 0
I can see why they don't take you seriously. Your FML makes no sense. it should be "doesn't" and I don't even get the rest of it. ydi
yottskry 0
Depends. Staff is often used as a plural, rather than a singular. In which case "don't" would be fine. Either way the OP missed the apostrophe though.
relyo 0
Don't fire him yet. Set up video recording so you get his stupidity on tape. Then fire him. YDI for letting your employees take advantage if you btw.
iSitt 0
don't eat his clam chowder
DGross 8
As long as he was getting his work done I wouldn't fire him, however, I would probably take the cheese/whatever else he decorated himself with out of his paycheck. Now if he stopped his work entirely to play with this stuff then I would probably fire him...
Radi0Waves 0
OP may not have the power to fire the chef. Often, in restaurants, chefs are also in a management/supervisory role, and if OP is a manager, then they probably would not have that power. Instead it would have to come from the owner who may take a hands-off approach in dealing with day-to-day operations. The owner might nit really care if the chef respects OP, especially if the chef has any kind of reputation within the culinary community.
yummy_mummy 0
omg the freak lol
scarsnstars45 0
#47 is dead on, tape that dumb bastard wasting your cash, then make an example of him. the make a waitress make you a sammich.
starzchick 0
Who the heck is your chef? Tom Green? Ew. reminds me of Freddy Got Fingered when he taped the umbilical cord to himself.
ThuhBoss 0
Majones, I hope you really do have a cocktail sausage down there, 'cuz if you're talking about your dick, then that's small. You should be posting FMLs and not commenting them.
Starlight17 0
WTF???? I don't get it! lol
sammy22 0
actually staff refers to plural. employee refers to singular
jazziue 0
mabey because you put dont insted of don't or doesn't
kyaquatel 0
DON'T fire him. he wants it to bad. make him suffer first.
iceman05 0
Agree with 110. Its realy hard to take anyone who spells realized with an s seriously. YDI for being from the UK.
LmaoLolRofl 0
this is worded horribly. a
blocparty 0
if you pay peanuts you get monkies
xxbananamagic 0
aha mega fail
Becca_Blaise 0
third
Ep1cPha1l 0
nice picture
simonsaysYDI 8
Thank you for giving us your incredible insight on this FML. I'm sure that your children will be proud knowing that all of your thoughts can be summed up by just saying a number. Fail.
RaggedSquirrel 0
To be fair, it is a very nice number.
visitor_fml 0
look at her display pic.. she's pure class. the fact that she spelled third correctly is astounding.
I_am_stupid_also 6
Her pic is saying that she counts with her boobs. She asked a friend to help her to get to three.
damienwatkins 0
raggedsquirrel, your number isn't bad either!
daniel1_1 13
dude! dint fire him!!! EPICNESS! he's awesome. totally me right there
Tadamp 0
Technically third is not a number.
the_sharper_edge 0
akward...
SpaceCoyote 0
YDI for not appreciating the art of perfectly sculpted cheddar goggles.
Shae84 0
^ win
tedwin223 0
sheer amazingness please give me his autograph he is amazing go chef go!
123sploosh 0
can someone please explain this to me? i dont know what its talking about
cantfightfate 0
Umm you def. Deserved it for Not having the balls to fire anyone. Of course they don't respect you! No one else would let that shit happen
swagga0n1oo 0
(mk voice) FINISH HIM!
Boldmongoose 0
fatality
nina2010 0
Lmao @ 14
gokumania123 0
pwned
Lythiaren 8
But was it a good finish, or one of the botched ones where you accidentally slap him like a girl instead of slicing him nose to crotch?
050294 0
If they're doing that fire them, don't whine about it!
PsychoMerk 0
I think he might be mentally challenged /:| or 7 yrs old >_>
fisheatsbear 6
a 7 year old chef? that must be a terrible resteraunt
Fedor_is_KING 0
Or one talented 7 yr old.
hmna 0
And you fired his ass (or should I say arse, since you're British) immediately, right?