Today, my roommate let out a blood-curdling scream in the bathroom. I ran in to see what was going on, only to find her sitting on the toilet, topless. Turned out she'd tried to pierce her own tit using a clothespin and a needle. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I jumped out of bed in panic and rushed into the bathroom, only to see my sister limping around in the nude. She'd just jumped out of the shower because someone had flushed the toilet downstairs. FML
Today, I walked into a public restroom and, to my utter surprise, saw a lady squeezing blood out of used tampons. We made eye contact, she continued, and I ran out in horror. FML
Today, I came home and heard a noise in the bathroom. I figured it was my girlfriend, so I went over and as the door closed, I told her not to close it because I'd seen her beautiful body before. Turns out it was our roommate. FML
Today, I came home and heard a noise in the bathroom. I figured it was my girlfriend, so I went over and as the door closed, I told her not to close the door as I've seen her beautiful body before. Turns out it was our roommate. FML
Today, my roommate decided to prank me by leaving a fake suicide note on the bathroom door and lying motionless in a bathtub full of water and red coloring. When I went, horrified, to take a closer look, he lunged at me and screamed. I was so scared I pissed myself. FML
Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML
Today, I witnessed my roommate pop a blister with a skewer and casually place it back in the kitchen drawer, before wiping what seeped out with the teatowel. FML
Today, I heard a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I discovered my husband, naked and with his pants around his ankles, standing in the bathtub and pointing at a cockroach on the ground. After disposing of the body, I had to stay and comfort him while he wiped his ass. FML
Today, I got so bored that I drew a face on my index finger, and made a video of me garrotting it with a string. I ended up rupturing a blood vessel, and had to think up a cover story for my girlfriend to explain my screaming. FML
Today, one of my dorm-mates started laughing at a bra hanging to dry in our bathroom. She thought it was hilarious that a college student would still have "such small, baby tits." It was my bra. FML
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Top comments
wobbly1 16
How long has she had a drinking problem?
MDoremis 38
Who in their right mind does that?! Reading that made my own **** hurt. Geeze.
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Comments (125)
Omniprism 15
You got to be mentally prepared for that shit. I pierced my own conches when I was 15 but nine months apart because it hurt like a bitch even with ice and took me awhile to get up enough nerve to do the other side. But your **** are super sensitive. It's better if someone else pulls the trigger for you.
k8Pluss 8
As a piercer and tattoo artist I strongly advise not to do this to yourself. Smh.
mattrd_fml 31
my friend tried piercing his nipple himself. he put ambesol on it...
LaurenRoxsU 9
@105, Did this story end with pliers and a string...?
cypherwars 15
goosebumps..the bad kind!
inspiringdeath 13
I got my **** professionally pierced and died. That's so dangerous. And painful!!
LaurenRoxsU 9
@107, You should definitely have your people contact someone's people about that. You might be Jesus. And Jesus has to have people.
Rababco 29
Are you ghost or you writing this from Heaven?
WhoCouldIBe 11
*in Barney's voice* One question... "boobs?"
FitFriday 32
What in the ever loving **** is wrong with her!?
lilchica22001 22
You don't deserve it but she totally does. What a dumbass. YDI to the roommate! Im sorry you have to live with that kind of stupid OP
Fayern 13
What kind of idiot do you have to be to even think about piercing such a sensitive area by yourself? Let alone in a bathroom on the toilet. Cause that's totally safe and sanitary...
cheerinbabe 18
Did that once...it's not that bad