Today, my parents asked me if I was sexually active. My grandma then screamed from upstairs, "She's not even physically active!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, if I'm out of breath, sweaty, or in a room with the door closed, my grandmother will loudly yell, "YOU HAVE BEEN MASTURBATING!" as soon as she sees me. It's been going on for three years. My parents think it's hilarious. I want to die. FML
Today, I went to the doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.' FML
Today, my grandma drove me home from school early because I was sick. I went upstairs and heard my parents having sex. Embarrassed, I ran downstairs and was about to leave the house when I saw a car pull into the driveway. It was my dad. FML
Today, my grandmother said she's noticed that I've been very angry lately. She came to the conclusion that I "haven't been laid enough" and my boyfriend is "not doing his job." Thanks Grandma. FML
Today, I got a lecture about being lazy and not being active enough for my age, which ended with, "When I was your age, I was out every night having sex with anything that breathed." Thanks Gran. FML
Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML
Today, I walked over to my grandmother's house to pay her a visit. I politely knocked on the door, and there was no answer. Fearing that something had happened, I violently broke down the door to find my grandma and her new 80 year-old boyfriend having sex. FML
Today, I went to the gym with my grandma. In the span of an hour, she was hit on more than I ever have been in my life. FML
Today, I'm staying with my grandmother and overheard her having phone sex. FML
Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
Did Grandma say this while banging a guy she picked up at the gym?
obviousboy 8
Grandmas: calling it like it is since they stopped giving a ****.
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Comments (76)
PenguinBitch 44
Either your parents were talking loud or your grandma has ears like a hawk.
Zen_Mei 17
Sounds like a challenge to me
turtlesandcheese 4
Well played grandma well played
Joe9024 20
1-0 Grandma
cuponoodles34 10
your grandma probably stuffs food down your throat. I know mine does, she complains I'm too thin and dying of starvation. yet I'm not, and the next day she threatens to lock the fridge w a padlock to keep me out.. its ok OP
tararochelle 18
Haha,come on.. Grandparents have earned the right to say whatever the hell they want. True or not.
Lilo4life 26
Your grandma is one sassy lady
Subject752 8
Gotta love Grandma
cuponoodles34 10
they are just the best.
ashjo 12
How loud do your parents speak? Lol
shieldthestral 5
There's nothing wrong with that! I'm virgin and proud, I also hate moving too much.. Movement sucks..