Today, my parents asked me if I was sexually active. My grandma then screamed from upstairs, "She's not even physically active!" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, if I'm out of breath, sweaty, or in a room with the door closed, my grandmother will loudly yell, "YOU HAVE BEEN MASTURBATING!" as soon as she sees me. It's been going on for three years. My parents think it's hilarious. I want to die. FML
Today, I went to the doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.' FML
Today, my grandma drove me home from school early because I was sick. I went upstairs and heard my parents having sex. Embarrassed, I ran downstairs and was about to leave the house when I saw a car pull into the driveway. It was my dad. FML
Today, my grandmother said she's noticed that I've been very angry lately. She came to the conclusion that I "haven't been laid enough" and my boyfriend is "not doing his job." Thanks Grandma. FML
Today, I got a lecture about being lazy and not being active enough for my age, which ended with, "When I was your age, I was out every night having sex with anything that breathed." Thanks Gran. FML
Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML
Today, I walked over to my grandmother's house to pay her a visit. I politely knocked on the door, and there was no answer. Fearing that something had happened, I violently broke down the door to find my grandma and her new 80 year-old boyfriend having sex. FML
Today, I went to the gym with my grandma. In the span of an hour, she was hit on more than I ever have been in my life. FML
Today, I'm staying with my grandmother and overheard her having phone sex. FML
Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
Did Grandma say this while banging a guy she picked up at the gym?
obviousboy 8
Grandmas: calling it like it is since they stopped giving a ****.
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Comments (76)
LemonandLime 13
Shout back asking if she'd got down the stairs yet.
RedPillSucks 33
troll grandma
happysmile987 24
They see her trollin...
buddy51 23
Did grandmaw offer you gym pick up or husband/boy friend taming ******** lessons or just heckle you mercilessly to make her old, on the floor cheese nacho eating pant-less self feel better?
Reaper1984 13
BUUUUUURRRRRNNNNNN!!!!!!!
jedawi 13
Damn it I wanted to say that!
SirEskimo 13
Damn, not you too? I thought it was my turn
perdix 31
You couldn't get laid in Ireland on St. Patrick's Day? Not enough drunk guys for you? You must be ugly or picky.
gracehi 33
All the pubs (bars) are closed in Ireland on St. Patrick's day. Perhaps that's why OP can't get laid.
xxmollyxx 25
They're closed? Paddy's day is the busiest day/night of the year for Irish bars.
perdix 31
#28, #31, I'm taking Molly's side here, but let's not fight about it and prove the stereotype.
gracehi 33
A friend of mine visited Ireland for St. Patrick's day and said it was the worst St. Patrick's day ever because all the bars were closed. I admit I don't know much about Ireland, but I understand that one region is primarily Catholic, and the other is primarily Protestant. Perhaps he visited the Catholic part and that's why the bars were closed.
perdix 31
#36, I think that's what they tell gullible Americans to keep them out of the way when the serious drinknig commences.
xxmollyxx 25
That's a good idea, Perdix, I'll do that next year :)
gracehi 33
That would make sense, Perdix, if the friend ego told me this grin his personal experience was Irish.
HOPPE612 5
Burn!
Cynthialvrz 9
Don't even worry about it!
gameover18 17
You want some ice for that BURN!!
gracehi 33
But ego the hell runs a marathon in five minutes?
Zebediabolical 45
How do you make it last five minutes!?!?!?!