Today, if I'm out of breath, sweaty, or in a room with the door closed, my grandmother will loudly yell, "YOU HAVE BEEN MASTURBATING!" as soon as she sees me. It's been going on for three years. My parents think it's hilarious. I want to die. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my parents asked me if I was sexually active. My grandma then screamed from upstairs, "She's not even physically active!" FML
Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML
Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML
Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air-conditioned room to cool off. Apparently, my mom walked past my room and heard me breathing heavily. Later, she had my dad give me a talk about masturbation. FML
Today, I have accidentally encountered my parents having "sexy time" four times in the past week. I'm an adult. My parents are in their fifties. Their bedroom door doesn't fully shut, so I always get an unpleasant glimpse when I walk past, occasionally punctuated by my mom's pleasured moaning. Kill me now. FML
Today, my girlfriend was over at my house for the first time. I told her I had to go take a shower, and from the other room my grandmother yells "you're not going to jack off this time are you?" FML
Today, I visited my Grandma's house, and my uncle happened to be there. As expected, and all the time, he greeted with his signature shit-eating, "I see what you did there" face. He's been doing that to me ever since he saw me masturbating when I was a little kid. I'm 47, married, and have 2 kids now. FML
Today, my very religious grandmother walked in on me masturbating. She's sending me to bible camp. FML
Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML
Today, I'm staying at my grandparents' house. I went upstairs to grab my sketchbook to show off to my grandma. My grandpa is half-deaf, which I guess explains how he didn't hear me. I heard him though, jerking off and muttering the most disgusting sexual things about "Tara." I'm Tara. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Charlie Given 28
Just do it right back at her 😂
Crowned Sataness 12
fight fire with fire. yell back that it's the best sex you've ever had
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (5)
Charlie Given 28
Just do it right back at her 😂
Crowned Sataness 12
fight fire with fire. yell back that it's the best sex you've ever had
JasonThorn 23
Or, "How COULD I, knowing YOU'RE in the house?"
Blimix 9
You might possibly be able to shame her over this, if she can be shamed! Go for a run. Use your phone to film yourself for the last part of the run, out of breath. Keep filming in one clip, as you walk into the house, and then catch her on camera yelling, "You have been masturbating!" Spread that video far and wide: Friends, relative, neighbors. Show it in person to visitors, while she's right there in the room with you. Use it to completely discredit her, and make sure she knows it.
Iamthebanzai22 21
I agree, fight fire with fire. Some good answers would be: "Is that all you ever think about? You pervert!" "Yes, and it was amazing!!" "Yes, and then I wiped it on the curtains". Also, find the most vile, extreme **** that you can find and leave it playing on your PC on top volume. Also, actually do ********** and when you cum, loudly shout your own name. Have fun with it.
Charlie Given 28
ROFLMAO 🤣🤣🤣😂 wish I had thought of those !!!
kevinwm0 15
You need to yell back, "YES, TO PICTURES OF YOU IN YOUR NYLONS!" Come here Granny, gimme some sugar.