Today, my nine year old son went around telling everyone that me and my husband had a "foursome" last month. It turns out that some douchebag counselor at the camp he goes to thought it would be funny to tell him that a foursome was a divorce. All of his friend's parents think we're kinky freaks. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, during a family dinner, my 5-year-old son excitedly told everyone that I let him use my "douche" last week. My parents glared at me in anger and horror, and only after they left did I find out that his brother had told him that's what my loofah is called. FML
Today, I found out that my son has been telling me he's gay so we would allow the "female friend" who is actually his girlfriend to stay over. FML
Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML
Today, my son told our whole family and all our friends that I kicked him out for being gay. I kicked him out because on more than one occasion he got drunk and sneaked random men in the house while he was supposed to be watching his younger siblings while I worked nights. They believed him. FML
Today, my ex-boyfriend got high and decided to text all our friends and family the crazy stories about us. He was even nice enough to include pictures. I hear a nude one made it to my Dad. FML
Today, I was playing with my 5 year-old neighbor. I was changing and he saw me naked. Then he went home and his parents came over. Apparently, he told them that I have beautiful boobs. FML
Today, my son broke his arm roughhousing with his brother on a bunk bed. While at the ER, he thought it would be funny to tell a different story to each doctor and nurse, forcing me to speak over him. They found this behavior "suspicious" and reported us to child services. FML
Today, I found out why my 5 year-old son's teacher acts so awkward around me. My son told everyone in his class that I work as a stripper. I'm not a stripper, I work at the strip mall. FML
Today, my 10-year-old son's friend googled his name and found breastfeeding pictures that I had put on a personal website when he was 2 days old. Now he gets laughed at, and his friends all saw pictures of my breasts. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over. My mom told him the story about the time she caught me having sex with my ex-boyfriend. My ex is his best friend. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
formosus 0
Tell your friends you went golfing. Foursome is a very common golfing term.
whenskiesare_gre 0
Thats just ****** up. People shouldn't tell little kids shit like that.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (70)
lizzie447 0
Did you actually do a foursome
Soitgoes74 0
Get that counselor fired. He shouldn't be teaching nine year olds those kinds of words. He's obviously an immature idiot.
proud_liberal 0
I may be a liberal but I'm also a Christian. ydi for getting a divorce. god will not forgive you for this. have fun in hell....hope the split was worth it
anniebananie 3
So you believe in a God who wants to have you be miserable for the rest of your life, being married to someone you can't get along with, and if you decide to get away from such an unhealthy situtation, you deserve to burn in hell? Idiot..
keoct 4
See this is why I love religious bible thumpers. They have been lead by manipulative con-artists to believe anything, religion works like this Do as we say or else and Give us money or else there I’ve just summed up religion in two points.
skullbuster 0
You know, as soon as people start telling others what God wants, thinks, or does, I immediately hear a chorus of angels singing "SHUT THE **** UP YOU RETARD!". I sincerely doubt that the commenters on FML have God's ear or that he is communicating anything to them! Get a life you judgmental assholes!!!!!!!!!
mish01 0
WHAT THE HELL!!!!! and you wonder why some people, myself included, hate religion. Divorce wont send you to hell. Maybe being an abusive husband could? And if so then your wife should divorce you. Probably even press charges. Religion is just a bit pile of lies that's been raging for centuries. I don't care if religion has been around since the beginning of time, it just means we were all a load of gullible wusses. You should wake up and actually read between the lines, there is so many false things in the bible.
kc2_fml 0
I like how so many people are sooooo self-rightous on here... it's funny really
yourmomgoestocol_fml 0
I'm pretty sure I'd rather have a divorce than be miserable for the rest of my life! an any ways, why would god be mad?
ithedarkknight 0
so have a foursome and live up to the hype shit they already think you do it anyway... who knows it could be fun and actually be that little something you feel you been missin all these years XD
pinkbullethippy 0
I call fake on this. No nine-year-old kid is that dumb, not even sheltered ones. Plus, they would most likely ask their friends before reciting to an adult. This just sounds too much like all the other "my kid said this but meant that stories" but this one just isn't believable.
Antonio718 0
Yea, because ALL 9 year olds know what a foursome is..not really
Xader 0
I also call FAKE. But for a different reason. Who calls someone their HUSBAND a month AFTER the divorce?
Jwhite927458 0
get over it, at least they didn't say you were getting gang banged. that probably would have been much worse.
FML177 0
It's "my husband and I"
skullbuster 0
Thank GOD! Another self-deputized member of the FML Grammar, Usage, and Spelling Police has finally arrived on the scene to provide high-handed corrections for the illiterate posters on FML. What would we do without you self-righteous assholes.
4ube_fml 6
Look asshole, some people try to teach other to write better than the average roflmao redneck. Why ? Because if you write correctly with syntaxis, you gain credibility. And that's important in.. i don't know.. getting a job ? This website tries not to fall on pure lolspeak (we have icanhazcheezburger for that kind of humour)
skullbuster 0
I call complete and utter bullshit! The posters and commenters on FML are going to improve their grammar, spelling, and usage based on the critiques provided by you and those like you? Please! It's just another way to snub your nose at someone or make them appear somehow less than because of a typo or a misused word and it is really weak! Most of the "helpful suggestions" by these asshats who feel compelled to provide corrections are used as GOTCHAS to tear the poster or commenter down and nothing more. This is not a US-based website and English is not a first language for many of the people here. If anyone wants an English lesson, they can find a website for that - or go take some summer courses. But I don't remember submitting my tuition to you or any of the other smug assholes here for your tutoring services! So shut up already... How about we pick your shit apart (e.g. syntaxis)... dickwad!
Antonio718 0
You're ******* retarded. This is an internet forum not a grammar contest.
skullbuster 0
Exactly my point!!!! Thanks...
Antonio718 0
Yea, your welcome, I'm not the nerd that sits on a computer and corrects people on their grammar
mouseintern 0
Simple solution: say you were golfing. That's something you'd tell a nine year old anyway, so it all checks out. And then get the counselor fired.