Today, my new room-mate moved in. She spent over an hour obsessively searching the place for god knows what kind of secret recording devices, and now aggressively demands that I taste-test all of her pre-prepared meals to make sure they're not poisoned. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I moved in with my new roommate. She's a vegetarian, and won't let me put my meat in the fridge because it will "contaminate her food". FML
Today, I came back to my apartment to see that my roommate had left out bread, deli meat, and cheese on the counter, so I made myself a sandwich. When she came back, she informed me that she found bugs in the fridge and took out all the food she thought would be contaminated. FML
Today, I found out that my new roommate likes to put candy on the floor, let ants crawl all over it, and eats it. Ants and all. FML
Today, surprisingly, my roommate made a nice meal. Within an hour, I started throwing up. When I confronted her, she confessed that she'd used long expired ingredients, including meat, because she didn't want the garbage men to think she's "the type that wastes food." FML
Today, I kindly asked my crazy roommate to move out. She answered by stuffing raw hamburger meat down all the drains in the apartment. FML
Today, my roommate is rampaging in the house at 1:00 a.m. because her stuff was moved out of the pantry for the new person, after being asked several times to move it herself. Apparently, she didn't see the text message heads-up, because she refuses to use her phone as a source of connection. FML
Today, I moved into my new apartment. My neighbor is apparently crazy and thinks I'm trying to 'steal' her husband. She watches me and is super paranoid. I have a two year lease. FML
Today, to keep me from "getting fatter", my roommate raided the kitchen. She ate everything from cookies and ice cream to deli meat. The only thing left in the house are vegetables. FML
Today, as usual, I got home to find that my roommate had eaten all my groceries and left a mess behind for me to clean. To be fair, this time she did some cleaning - she "energy cleansed" my room with a sage wand, burning a huge hole in my mattress in the process. FML
Today, I moved into college and met my new roommate. Not fifteen minutes later, she had told me about the fungus on her feet, and what happens when she forgets to take her anti-psychotic medication, all while picking at her nose and eating the spoils. FML
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Top comments
littlemonster94 15
Your roommate has presented you the perfect opportunity to pull some master pranks. Use her paranoia to your advantage.
0RedPenguin0 8
Put iocaine in her drink after building up an immunity to it. Problem solved.
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Comments (102)
captainObviously 15
Well now if u dont feel like cooking u can "taste test" her frozen meals. Win win easy food.
jellyghost 12
Is her favorite TV show Breaking Bad?
Coyotay_Yelnats 4
Sounds like Sheldon from Big Bang theory
kieralumina 30
you guys seriously need to discuss this. she needs to calm down and take her meds, get checked out or something. if its schizophrenia (sorry if that's spelled wrong) then living together without her learning to control herself and use treatment is going to be a MAJOR safety/health issue.
doritowhore 9
Maybe she had just watched one of many horror films based around crazy roommates...damn.
10showgirl 16
Don't give in. Show that bitch who's boss!
asnakelovinbabe 16
I agree with 28. This sounds like someone that could be schizophrenic. One of my relatives married a woman that turned out to be schizophrenic. She always talked to this voice she called "Chuckie", spray painted weird symbols on the doors and carpet, and made them get rid of the oven because it was "evil". It's actually kind of sad...
HeartOfLead 24
Free food? Assuming you don't poison yourself.
theboy13 13
Free food lol
bluemooncarter 0
Is very likely your rommate has a mental illness like paranoia or schizophrenia. Try to get him/her some help.