Today, my new room-mate moved in. She spent over an hour obsessively searching the place for god knows what kind of secret recording devices, and now aggressively demands that I taste-test all of her pre-prepared meals to make sure they're not poisoned. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I moved in with my new roommate. She's a vegetarian, and won't let me put my meat in the fridge because it will "contaminate her food". FML
Today, I came back to my apartment to see that my roommate had left out bread, deli meat, and cheese on the counter, so I made myself a sandwich. When she came back, she informed me that she found bugs in the fridge and took out all the food she thought would be contaminated. FML
Today, I found out that my new roommate likes to put candy on the floor, let ants crawl all over it, and eats it. Ants and all. FML
Today, surprisingly, my roommate made a nice meal. Within an hour, I started throwing up. When I confronted her, she confessed that she'd used long expired ingredients, including meat, because she didn't want the garbage men to think she's "the type that wastes food." FML
Today, I kindly asked my crazy roommate to move out. She answered by stuffing raw hamburger meat down all the drains in the apartment. FML
Today, my roommate is rampaging in the house at 1:00 a.m. because her stuff was moved out of the pantry for the new person, after being asked several times to move it herself. Apparently, she didn't see the text message heads-up, because she refuses to use her phone as a source of connection. FML
Today, I moved into my new apartment. My neighbor is apparently crazy and thinks I'm trying to 'steal' her husband. She watches me and is super paranoid. I have a two year lease. FML
Today, to keep me from "getting fatter", my roommate raided the kitchen. She ate everything from cookies and ice cream to deli meat. The only thing left in the house are vegetables. FML
Today, as usual, I got home to find that my roommate had eaten all my groceries and left a mess behind for me to clean. To be fair, this time she did some cleaning - she "energy cleansed" my room with a sage wand, burning a huge hole in my mattress in the process. FML
Today, I moved into college and met my new roommate. Not fifteen minutes later, she had told me about the fungus on her feet, and what happens when she forgets to take her anti-psychotic medication, all while picking at her nose and eating the spoils. FML
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Top comments
littlemonster94 15
Your roommate has presented you the perfect opportunity to pull some master pranks. Use her paranoia to your advantage.
0RedPenguin0 8
Put iocaine in her drink after building up an immunity to it. Problem solved.
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Comments (102)
KalCountry76 12
I thought I killed Syl back in the Shivering Isles... Nice to know her and her paranoia made it to the real world.
hanymandy 6
You let a stranger move in before meeting them or you knew little to nothing about your "friend"? Sorry op YDI
outoftown 27
If this is a dorm and the roomate was assigned, no. Better a dorm with an RA to help, and not an apartment with a lease.
TheyCallMeDamien 18
Tell her hell no. And if that's going to be a problem she can go ahead and move out now.
buckdharma 38
Her Majesty's a pretty nice girl but she doesn't have a lot to say Her Majesty's a pretty nice girl but she changes from day to day I want to tell her she's as crazy as a loon but I gotta belly fool of poison wine Her majesty's a pretty nice girl as long as she pays the rent on time
Cassidy0890 7
Kick her out!
Ayanpatel95 7
wonder wht happened to your old roommate? lol
mcbainos 8
Get out and get out now, haha - Bitches be crazy! FYL!
yzzami 17
On the bright side you get free food
tralala453 22
Can't be too careful...
Satoaoi 13
college is fun no?