Today, my new husband and I were called up to have our first dance at our wedding. While I rested my head on his shoulder, he whispered the most romantic thing to me: "Your breath stinks." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Today, and as for the rest of my life, I will always have a husband whose breath stinks. FML
Today, was my wedding. After eating, I had an urge to fart. I let one rip just before my husband and I were called to do the garter dance. He seductively tried to use his teeth to remove the garter and came out from under my dress dry heaving. I dutch ovened my husband in front of everyone. FML
Love is in the air
Today, my fiancé hugged me so tight that I couldn't move, said he loved me, let out a loud, obnoxious and smelly fart cloud and made me breathe it in. FML
Just in case
Today, my fiancé and I were cuddling in bed talking about our future wedding coming up. He leaned over seductively to tell me he got a present for me to ‘use’ on our wedding day. It was a pack of breath mints. FML
Today, my loving fiancé informed me that my new perfume makes me smell like a urinal cake. FML
Tough crowd
Today, it was my wedding day. My new husband and I, for a laugh, did our first dance to LMFAO's "I'm sexy and I know it" with stupid moves and everything. 200 guests. Nobody laughed. FML
Today, I realize that my boyfriend's breath quite literally smells like a sewer. It wouldn't be so bad, except that he tries to kiss me about every ten minutes, and I have to hold my breath. FML
Today, my husband threw up on me during our wedding vows. FML
Today, my husband yawned in the middle of our wedding vows. FML
Today, during a slow dance, my date wrapped his arms around my waist. Right as I touched his neck he says, "Sorry, I'm slightly sweaty." He wasn't lying. For the longest two minutes of my life I was swimming in his sweat. FML
Top comments
beddington 7
Be thankful, honesty in a marriage is very key to a long and successful one.
Nomadic1 20
I thought women want a guy that is honest :p
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Comments (91)
chocolatefrog28 29
Tactful. To be fair though, you could have kept tictacs tucked into your dress.
nelliegw 26
Very Tic-Tactful.
andrewturtle 16
That was so fresh, it took my breath away.
calilovesneb 12
Keeping TicTac's in your dress sounds very Honey Boo Boo ish.
Caitie_kid 8
Depending on the type of dress your wearing I suppose. From experience, if it was a strapless wedding gown NOTHING is going to be able to fit in there besides boobs, and hardly even those. I had to use dress tape to make sure mine didn't come out when I raised my arms for hugs. Lol
K410 18
Excelerate your breath! :D
canupls 6
yeah, the wonderful sound of *swish swish swish* as she walks down the aisle with her tic tacs are bouncing around.
ShyAnn29 15
Some wedding dresses do have pockets.
slappygecko 21
#64, I read that as tit tacs. Just thought you should know.
beddington 7
Be thankful, honesty in a marriage is very key to a long and successful one.
XxDevilxXGt 26
If they've been lying to each other just to be kind simply because of not being married, then they've already begun on a slippery slope.
Caitie_kid 8
You can be both honest and tactful.
Krystal3408 32
Yeah she could have replied with an insult and made it a joke
iJUSTINsane 12
Hey.. Atleast you know he'll tell you stuff that will help you that you might (in this case did) get angry about.
PterodactylMan 23
He's giving you life tips
Nomadic1 20
I thought women want a guy that is honest :p
Freethaawave 19
We do. Just not too honest, apparently.
arsenicalhumor 30
I am a woman, and I see no harm in his honesty.
Caitie_kid 8
He could have at least waited until the dance was over and offered her some gum or a mint or told her about it at any other moment than when they are supposed to be sharing a romantic one time moment together in front of a bunch of people.
ColdplaySucks 18
They don't want honesty when weight/clothing style are involved.
iGottaFindBubbah 12
I'm sure it made the first dance awkward for her. She was probably too embarrassed to kiss him or open her mouth to whisper sweet nothings in his ear. He should've just waited.
AGB10 19
Scary when you know it only gets downhill post marriage..
XxDevilxXGt 26
I don't see why it would. You're still the same two people you should be just like before you were married. Do people think marriage has some magic "turn people shitty" spell on it? All marriage is, is a ring. You've been with each other before marriage and were happy, nothing should be different after. It disgusts me how people think marriage actually changes them.
imagineapc 11
My ex-husband thought he could control my life once we were married. He was not that way before, however. So yes, marriage CAN change people and how they interact with one another.
mudkipsan 19
@24, Sounds more like that guy was a prick already.
graceinsheepwear 34
20, are you married? I lived with my now ex husband for 5 years before we got married and we didn't think marriage would feel any different but it did feel quite different. It was better, deeper. It ultimately didn't work out for us years later, but marriage was a different kind of commitment.
Lacist 19
I'm just wondering have you ever been married? I haven't but I know there is an underlying factor in marriage, and it's time, people get old of each other. People who love each other truly, usually gets past the 4-5 years of honeymoon bullshit. A marriage actually does change and that's when you realize that the person you married after all this infatuation, is either meant to be or not. I am not an expert at all but that's my take on how it works, I mean would a truly loving couple divorce after a stupid argument?
DKjazz 20
I've found that 100% of divorces begin with marriage.
imagineapc 11
#66: my family still likes him a lot. He visits my parents more than I do. And every time he does, I get the phone call from my mother: "you know, I don't know why you divorced him...blahblahblah"
Queensland 27
Well see how his breath was like after your night together that night!
MagicStallion 9
Probably ended up like her breath.
Michael903 18
I like where you're going with that!
thatnucca 36
And you should have said "Your nose is closer to your mouth more than you might think hubby"...
HeyHeyFishFillet 34
This is one of the worst comebacks I have ever read.
perdix 31
Now that you are legally bound to him, he can finally let you know what he really thinks.
arsenicalhumor 30
Starting with her breath! Mwuahaha
Canuck2013 6
Wtf does that even mean @
Hiimhaileypotter 53
??? It means they got married, were going to dance, and her husband said her breath stinks. What is confusing about this?
SolarFlare 20
OP has Halitosis. Is that difficult to understand?
ouibijou 15
I think they're referring to #8
RaindanceNaked 4
Honesty is the key to a successful marriage, or so they say.
ryanthecheeseguy 18
Aaaaaaamen