Today, my neighbor came up to me, lowered her voice and said, "I suggest you buy some drapes for your bedroom dear..." When she started to walk away, she added, "...and a gym membership." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I felt like going to the gym. I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to come with me. She screamed at me for supposedly implying that she's fat. No, I just wanted to go to the gym with someone. FML
Today, on my way to work, the obese old guy in the house opposite mine offered me tips on my yoga technique. Not only were his tips helpful, but I now know I should either close my curtains or put clothes on when I do yoga. FML
Today, my neighbor, who is an elderly woman that I barely know, decided to tell me about how she feels she's lost too much weight and now when she looks at herself naked she thinks her boobs hang and look like bull testicles. FML
Today, I gave my wife a birthday present. For months she'd been talking about an expensive treadmill that she wanted, so I bought it. Her reaction when she saw it was to yell, "YOU THINK I'M FAT!" and burst into tears. FML
Today, my elderly neighbor had asked me to take her to her early morning doctor's appointment. I arrived at her house at 7:30 as agreed, and she appeared to have forgotten who I was. She started lobbing eggs out of her window at me, telling me she wasn't interested in what I was selling. FML
Today, I was chatting with the cute new receptionist at the gym. I told her that I would be going there more if she was there. She looked me up and down and said that I should go regardless. FML
Today, I was walking to the gym when the woman in front of me dropped some cash. I picked it up and tried to get her attention. She saw the money and thought I was trying to pay her to sleep with me. FML
Today, I received a package. When my mom asked what I had bought, I had told her that I had ordered dumbbells and was going to start lifting. She laughed her way into the kitchen. FML
Today, I was shopping with a friend. We snuck into the same fitting room so we could give our opinions on each other's clothes. The suspicious saleswoman knocked on the door and asked how many people were in our room. I quickly answered, "It's OK. She's just watching." FML
Today, my mother offered to give my overweight girlfriend the workout DVDs that she no longer needs. FML
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Top comments
redbluegreen 41
Who needs a gym membership when you already have a perfectly good bed capable of enduring all the working out you'll ever need?
SChew 6
so go get a gym membership
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Comments (89)
ghostdude99 0
Make them a pie with laxative in it. That will make you feel better, and next time she stares into your house, go nude...that will make them think twice of telling you what you should do with your house.
FMLsOhilarious 6
Lol that's a good one. OP you should really consider doing what 49 said. I highly doubt you're reading this though because you should be too busy buying yourself some blinds.
bigredmonkeybutt 30
Neighbor = win. She's had to watch your blubbery self for who knows how long because you can't bother buying curtains.
WTFreversed 5
what a rude bitch lol she was checking you out though (y) fyl
WTFreversed 5
but it would of been funnier if she said you needa trim that fro of yours
nerdsgetmehot 23
Drapes are kind of a given, aren't they? If you've been changing without drapes on your windows, I kind of think you were asking for that...Sorry! If my neighbors ran around the house in a state of undress and didn't have drapes or curtains, I would probably tell them to get some.
Norway94 0
Maybe you should take her up on that? If she seriously took the time to walk up to you and basicly tell you that you're fat, than I would say that you probably are.
Doortje 30
At least you're getting any. Next time, point that out to her.
Focker218_fml 0
Wicked burn!
berg54 0
sounds like good advice to me. YDI, get some drapes, people do creep a lot.
jwilk05 4
don't be mad at ur neighbor cause ur a fatty.. it ain't her fault. it's funny how people now days can't admit there fat and put down te fast food and eat somethin healthy.. put ur treadmill on 8 with an incline for 3 or so months and get urself in shape.. there's no excuse for bein fat.. a 600 some odd man got under 200 pounds with no surgery so if he can do it then anyone can