Today, my neighbor asked to come over and use my laptop. She showed up drunk, grabbed my boobs, and asked if I'd ever had a lesbian experience. We both have husbands and kids; the kids were in the room. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I invited a few of my co-workers over to play video games. Within an hour, my wife had gotten drunk, grabbed my controller, told me to "get back in the kitchen", and described to everyone in blood-chilling detail how she took her first boyfriend's virginity. FML
Today, I was feeling a little frisky and started making out with my husband on our couch. He had just taken off my shirt when a strange smell hit my nose. I turned my head and saw my alcoholic neighbor with a cigarette in his hand, watching the entire thing unfold. FML
Today, my wife, who’s been a stay at home mom since our kids were born, hasn’t really been out looking for a day job since they’re old enough to be in school full time now. She has however been day-drinking and hooking up with the neighbor's wife. She insists she’s not gay, just experimenting. FML
Today, my crazy neighbor came up to me in the street and slapped me across the face, accusing me of leering through her restroom window while she showered. I'm gay. FML
Today, I was in the middle of having sex with my boyfriend, and my drunk best friend knocked on our door. We screamed 'go away' and she still opened the door. She then saw us, and asked if she can join. FML
Today, I had my girlfriend over after my wife went to work. She looked so sexy in her outfit, I couldn’t resist. I ripped her clothes off and began to do her on my couch… until I heard my daughter’s voice asking, “Dad, who’s that?” Apparently, she was home sick from school. FML
Today, I walked into the room naked while my wife was on the computer to surprise her. She smiled, put down her laptop and left for the bathroom so I started jerking it in anticipation. It was really feeling good until my wife's best friend, who was on Skype, started giggling. FML
Today, I was cuddling up on the couch with my girlfriend, when my drunken mother walked in the room, slurred out, "Room for one more?" and leaped on top of us. FML
Today, a kid walked in on me and my new FWB having sex at her place. I knew she had children, so I asked if it was hers. No, it was her son's. I'm boning a grandma who's not even 50. FML
Today, my intoxicated husband asked my very conservative parents how their sex life is now that all the kids are out of the house. FML
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Top comments
Wizardo 34
Explain to the kids the dangers of drinking and mind ******* abilities it has, silver linings.
meepmerp 20
Now you know not to invite her
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Comments (111)
Sagan928 7
I would definitely talk to her when she sobers up. Make it clear that her actions are not welcome.
ZoroMiHawk 25
Or welcome but when kids are not around. We don't know if OP secretly liked it or not
ocramavaf 15
doesn't mean one can't experiment...
lizziemo79 18
Whoops sorry kids
bachoman 10
Well at least now you know she has bad one.
Cynical_1 26
Ah...nothing like being sexually assaulted by a drunk neighbour in front of your kids. I hope you didn't let her in. I also hope your kids are either too young to realize what happened...or old enough to understand when you explain to them.
tbro47 23
Well I'm sure her husband didn't mind but her children would be mortified
iwadasn 33
Why would her husband not mind that his wife got sexually harassed by their drunk neighbor?
Witchylady 18
I feel so violated for you. What a creepy woman.
Soundslikeothers 15
Today, my neighbor asked if she could come over and use my laptop, when she came over, all she did was just use my laptop. FML
RedPillSucks 33
please publish.
cocacola999 27
You should have a word with her husband; if he doesn't care, then the child services. If she's that drunk while taking care of children, it's a definite risk to the children's lives.
domolovesyoshi 33
nothing in this FML says whose kids were in the room, however having a quiet word with the woman when she has sobered up before calling child services would be better.
elcee1987 18
Seems a little extreme if this is the only time she's seen it happen. Once someone has reported you to CPS, the presumption is that you endanger your kids, instead of considering that the reporter might have been mistaken or misinterpreted things, or is even outright lying. Please don't call CPS unless you know for a fact there is ongoing abuse and neglect, otherwise you could permanently rip innocent children from their loving parents, damaging them for life.
cakefete2 31
Drunk words are sober thoughts. Maybe you're just incredibly hot and she needed some liquid courage to try her luck.
bluefrootloops 13
All the kids or just your kids? Would be a ****** up thing to see your mom like that.