Today, my neighbor asked to come over and use my laptop. She showed up drunk, grabbed my boobs, and asked if I'd ever had a lesbian experience. We both have husbands and kids; the kids were in the room. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I invited a few of my co-workers over to play video games. Within an hour, my wife had gotten drunk, grabbed my controller, told me to "get back in the kitchen", and described to everyone in blood-chilling detail how she took her first boyfriend's virginity. FML
Today, I was feeling a little frisky and started making out with my husband on our couch. He had just taken off my shirt when a strange smell hit my nose. I turned my head and saw my alcoholic neighbor with a cigarette in his hand, watching the entire thing unfold. FML
Today, my wife, who’s been a stay at home mom since our kids were born, hasn’t really been out looking for a day job since they’re old enough to be in school full time now. She has however been day-drinking and hooking up with the neighbor's wife. She insists she’s not gay, just experimenting. FML
Today, my crazy neighbor came up to me in the street and slapped me across the face, accusing me of leering through her restroom window while she showered. I'm gay. FML
Today, I was in the middle of having sex with my boyfriend, and my drunk best friend knocked on our door. We screamed 'go away' and she still opened the door. She then saw us, and asked if she can join. FML
Today, I had my girlfriend over after my wife went to work. She looked so sexy in her outfit, I couldn’t resist. I ripped her clothes off and began to do her on my couch… until I heard my daughter’s voice asking, “Dad, who’s that?” Apparently, she was home sick from school. FML
Today, I walked into the room naked while my wife was on the computer to surprise her. She smiled, put down her laptop and left for the bathroom so I started jerking it in anticipation. It was really feeling good until my wife's best friend, who was on Skype, started giggling. FML
Today, I was cuddling up on the couch with my girlfriend, when my drunken mother walked in the room, slurred out, "Room for one more?" and leaped on top of us. FML
Today, a kid walked in on me and my new FWB having sex at her place. I knew she had children, so I asked if it was hers. No, it was her son's. I'm boning a grandma who's not even 50. FML
Today, my intoxicated husband asked my very conservative parents how their sex life is now that all the kids are out of the house. FML
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Top comments
Wizardo 34
Explain to the kids the dangers of drinking and mind ******* abilities it has, silver linings.
meepmerp 20
Now you know not to invite her
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Comments (111)
FranklySpeaking 11
This is taking desperate housewives to a new level.
miuracross 4
Well kids, when two women love each other... oops wrong ******* lesson, NEVERMIND I'LL ******* COME BACK LATER!
Nish007 15
nice
Setareh23 34
There's a surprisingly large amount of people saying "at least it wasn't the husband." What's with the double-standard? So a woman can go around grabbing boobs without consent of the other and it's cool, but if a man does it we send him to jail? FYL OP, you clearly weren't comfortable with it (especially in front of kids) which means her actions were nothing short of sexual assault. Hopefully when she's sobered up, you guys can talk it over and resolve this without having to do anything too drastic.
Tannasgh 22
So...have ya?
oreoeater 21
Everyone's saying to talk to her when she's sober, that won't help! She was drunk its kinda different. She may not even remember it
alexhanakahi 14
Bet the husbands were sad they missed out though.
airportlad 4
you never explained what happened next ;-)
sushies1 10
You know you and your husband are lucky!
mikebanker 2
Cool neighbor