Today, my neighbor asked to come over and use my laptop. She showed up drunk, grabbed my boobs, and asked if I'd ever had a lesbian experience. We both have husbands and kids; the kids were in the room. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I invited a few of my co-workers over to play video games. Within an hour, my wife had gotten drunk, grabbed my controller, told me to "get back in the kitchen", and described to everyone in blood-chilling detail how she took her first boyfriend's virginity. FML
Today, I was feeling a little frisky and started making out with my husband on our couch. He had just taken off my shirt when a strange smell hit my nose. I turned my head and saw my alcoholic neighbor with a cigarette in his hand, watching the entire thing unfold. FML
Today, my wife, who’s been a stay at home mom since our kids were born, hasn’t really been out looking for a day job since they’re old enough to be in school full time now. She has however been day-drinking and hooking up with the neighbor's wife. She insists she’s not gay, just experimenting. FML
Today, my crazy neighbor came up to me in the street and slapped me across the face, accusing me of leering through her restroom window while she showered. I'm gay. FML
Today, I was in the middle of having sex with my boyfriend, and my drunk best friend knocked on our door. We screamed 'go away' and she still opened the door. She then saw us, and asked if she can join. FML
Today, I had my girlfriend over after my wife went to work. She looked so sexy in her outfit, I couldn’t resist. I ripped her clothes off and began to do her on my couch… until I heard my daughter’s voice asking, “Dad, who’s that?” Apparently, she was home sick from school. FML
Today, I walked into the room naked while my wife was on the computer to surprise her. She smiled, put down her laptop and left for the bathroom so I started jerking it in anticipation. It was really feeling good until my wife's best friend, who was on Skype, started giggling. FML
Today, I was cuddling up on the couch with my girlfriend, when my drunken mother walked in the room, slurred out, "Room for one more?" and leaped on top of us. FML
Today, a kid walked in on me and my new FWB having sex at her place. I knew she had children, so I asked if it was hers. No, it was her son's. I'm boning a grandma who's not even 50. FML
Today, my intoxicated husband asked my very conservative parents how their sex life is now that all the kids are out of the house. FML
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Top comments
Wizardo 34
Explain to the kids the dangers of drinking and mind ******* abilities it has, silver linings.
meepmerp 20
Now you know not to invite her
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Comments (111)
mld4657 28
What do husbands matter in having a lesbian experience? And I know lesbian couples... she was drunk op don't be to harsh, especially since she's married she may not be getting the attention she wants or needs
DrownedMyFish 18
Doesn't matter if it's a lesbian experience, it's still cheating.
JazNim17 18
Husbands matter a lot. Man or woman, a sexual experience with someone other than your spouse is cheating.
mld4657 28
Not if it's an open marriage...
DrownedMyFish 18
The fact OP brought up her husband says that it's probably not an open marriage.
mld4657 28
You people just don't know how to live apparently, I like the drunk neighbor lady
interesting33 37
That's not 'knowing how to live' that is someone coming round and sexually assaulting someone in front of children.
mld4657 28
Meh boring people *yawn* must go have lesbian experience
strike2867 13
On the bright side, the kids will be too traumatized to ever drink.
BootheGhost 6
Or be so traumatized that they need to drink to calm themselves.
ahsanmasood 4
...i've been trying to think of an up-side to this, and haven't figured one out at all yet :D maybe she's going through a rough time, i mean...she was drunk, it might be wise to let her know that she is not welcome at your home while being drunk!
ahippienamedrae 10
And you didn't say no?!
Dthsapprntc 23
Had it been me in that situation I would habe just clocked the neighbor and thrown her out. Then have a talk with the kids about the dangers of alcohol, sexual assault and that you should not hit people because it is a bad thing to do, and that it was a bad thing for me to do, but unfortunately sometimes it is necessary. And if they statt hitting people I will tan their hides. This comment is going to get down thumbed hard, I just know it.
Noreason89 6
Hitting someone in this situation is nowhere near necessary
sweetprettykitty 10
Oh I wish there was a 'like' button for this! lol! Was she hot? I love it when my hot neighbor comes over looking for lesbian experience, I make sure the wine is ready ;)
cryssycakesx3 23
invite her on vacation!
xXLotSoJelloXx 7
Welps this just got awkward...umm please leave my house?
Guardian88 21
Thats awesome!!
middlenamefrank 8
When she said she wanted to use your laptop, I don't think she was talking about your computer.