Today, my crazy neighbor came up to me in the street and slapped me across the face, accusing me of leering through her restroom window while she showered. I'm gay. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as I sat on the toilet, I heard a noise outside. I peered through the window and found myself staring directly at my neighbor. FML
Today, I saw a woman in the neighbouring apartment taking a shower without pulling the blinds of her bathroom window. As a good Samaritan, I waved my arms to attract her attention that she forgot the blinds. She noticed me, opened the window, did a weird boob dance and middle fingered me. FML
Today, my neighbor - whose first words to me when I moved onto the block were "I don't like your face" - called the cops and claimed I'd been exposing myself in public. His lowlife buddy backed him up on his lie. I'm pretty sure I'm going to end up in deep trouble thanks to them. FML
Today, I heard my downstairs neighbor being beaten by her husband. I anonymously called 911, hoping to help. She must've seen me giving the cops my statement because as soon as they left, she knocked on my door and punched me square in the face while screaming, "Mind your own business bitch!" FML
Today, I was standing in the shower drying off when my sister came in the bathroom. She must have thought I was a burglar because she hit the shower curtain and punched me in the face. FML
Today, my crazy neighbor screamed at me from her porch for walking "too close" to her plants. I was on the sidewalk. She sprayed me with her hose anyway. FML
Today, I found out that I bought a house next door to crazy people. She asked me if I would mind not showering when her husband is at home, because he can hear me and knowing I’m naked on the other side of the wall turns him on, which is a nuisance for her. He’s unemployed. He’s always at home, the creep. FML
Today, I was singing in the shower and my neighbor called the police because they thought I was in trouble. FML
Today, I found out that my seemingly innocent 80-something neighbor has been stalking every girl in the neighborhood, and considers me his girlfriend. FML
Today, I awoke to banging at my door. It was my neighbor, accusing me of stealing her mail to spy on her, because apparently she thinks I must be some sort of secret agent. The cops don't believe me when I call, and she won't go away. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
Being gay doesn't stop you from looking.
\ 28
Everyone is a little bit.. curious.
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Comments (104)
Welshite 40
Being gay doesn't stop you from looking.
Bakarra 22
I heard everyone who's ever been accused of something Is guilty...
iAlissa 34
@#9 I'm not sure where you heard that, but that's bull.
Bakarra 22
It was sarcasm, in America, there's something called "innocent until proven guilty".
allie2590 31
Guys... I'm pretty sure 9 is being sarcastic.
NiZZALooNY 9
He's just trying to say he isn't interested
Bakarra 22
Laws of internetsylvania clearly state, "Everyone is a hacker, camper, or noob until proven otherwise, and when all else fails, blame the lag." (A. 16 s. 1a)
MrConcise 35
I live in Internetsylvania after being trapped on a vacation from America years ago. We're constantly being terrorized by pirates, freedom of speech, and anti-privacy legislation. It's definitely just a tourist spot.
iAlissa 34
That shot straight over my head, my apologies
MyV6Thunderbird 1
I can tell you from experience. In America, your just guilty.
Llamacod 11
Whoa whoa whoa, what about whose "just guilty" is it? And why is in America?
wlddog 14
I want diplomatic immunity.
flaca273 7
No but since he's gay he has no reason to
charvisioku 22
Yeah but he wouldn't WANT to look, that's the whole point.
LaLince 40
Crazy bitch slaps again
CheeseTron 15
Shoulda been like "I only looked to remind myself why I'm gay."
feelingold 18
Wait a sec. The woman showers without blinds, in view of your window? Yeah, I'm going to need an address. (Though while I'm there I hope you won't mind me looking at your **** - since I'm straight and all)
RedPillSucks 33
Wait till you find out his neighbor is 83 years old and 350lbs.
\ 28
Everyone is a little bit.. curious.
jarrettd 27
Tell your neighbor not to flatter herself.
whatthefreshhell 15
Well, she might have seen someone who looked similar to you, or she's just crazy. But unless you're friends with her or just advertise your sexual orientation to everyone, how's she supposed to know?
stormchaser24 24
What kind of person has a window on the bathroom? I can understand a small widow near the ceiling or a fogged window, but a regular window.
FaygoAndMiracles 18
I have a pretty big window in my bathroom. However, I still find it strange that they would put up a curtain, or, if there is no curtain rack-thing, to pin up a blanket or towel or piece of fabric to act like a curtain.
Ameel_fml 19
OP should have told her her to keep her window shut and her curtains closed. Who showers in plain view of the neighbors anyway?
RedPillSucks 33
@25 - typically, it's called a transom window. It's usually high up to let in sunlight without providing a view from the outside in.
SilverInGray 25
75- I don't think you got the joke.
junefairy_fml 10
I did... and laughed. :)
Perception 6
The reason she's so angry is that she thought you were leering. If you politely explain that you were actually smiling and waving, I'm sure she'll understand.
beastseclipse 9
Snorlax used leer! Crazy neighbour's defense fell!
Perception 6
Snorlax doesn't learn leer! Put that gameshark away!
beastseclipse 9
Well it's that, or giga impact, and honestly that changes the tone entirely.
melkymac101 17
Hay look on the bright side.... You may be bisexual!!!!!! :)
Bakarra 22
Your profile pic is just too fitting for this FML...has your gay neighbor been leering at you while you shower lately?
whatthefreshhell 15
I think OP is fine with their sexual orientation.
flockz 20
so are you saying being just gay would be bad?
tanekdrachonae 19
She wishes she could make you straight.
SoulAmeliorate 16
She probably doesn't know exactly who it was. She'll be going around, house by house, bitch slapping everyone.
whatthefreshhell 15
She should do it right then and slap them with a fish, then it'd be too funny to even be upset about.
Bakarra 22
Hide yo kids, hide yo wife, cuz they bitch slippin everyone up in here
tacojauns 45
The perfect cover