Today, my neighbor asked to come over and use my laptop. She showed up drunk, grabbed my boobs, and asked if I'd ever had a lesbian experience. We both have husbands and kids; the kids were in the room. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I invited a few of my co-workers over to play video games. Within an hour, my wife had gotten drunk, grabbed my controller, told me to "get back in the kitchen", and described to everyone in blood-chilling detail how she took her first boyfriend's virginity. FML
Today, I was feeling a little frisky and started making out with my husband on our couch. He had just taken off my shirt when a strange smell hit my nose. I turned my head and saw my alcoholic neighbor with a cigarette in his hand, watching the entire thing unfold. FML
Today, my wife, who’s been a stay at home mom since our kids were born, hasn’t really been out looking for a day job since they’re old enough to be in school full time now. She has however been day-drinking and hooking up with the neighbor's wife. She insists she’s not gay, just experimenting. FML
Today, my crazy neighbor came up to me in the street and slapped me across the face, accusing me of leering through her restroom window while she showered. I'm gay. FML
Today, I was in the middle of having sex with my boyfriend, and my drunk best friend knocked on our door. We screamed 'go away' and she still opened the door. She then saw us, and asked if she can join. FML
Today, I had my girlfriend over after my wife went to work. She looked so sexy in her outfit, I couldn’t resist. I ripped her clothes off and began to do her on my couch… until I heard my daughter’s voice asking, “Dad, who’s that?” Apparently, she was home sick from school. FML
Today, I walked into the room naked while my wife was on the computer to surprise her. She smiled, put down her laptop and left for the bathroom so I started jerking it in anticipation. It was really feeling good until my wife's best friend, who was on Skype, started giggling. FML
Today, I was cuddling up on the couch with my girlfriend, when my drunken mother walked in the room, slurred out, "Room for one more?" and leaped on top of us. FML
Today, a kid walked in on me and my new FWB having sex at her place. I knew she had children, so I asked if it was hers. No, it was her son's. I'm boning a grandma who's not even 50. FML
Today, my intoxicated husband asked my very conservative parents how their sex life is now that all the kids are out of the house. FML
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Top comments
Wizardo 34
Explain to the kids the dangers of drinking and mind ******* abilities it has, silver linings.
meepmerp 20
Now you know not to invite her
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Comments (111)
worldclassrager 41
Make sure she's sober...that's all you can really do
leviheichou 15
I hope your kids were young enough that they didn't understand what was going on...
icepick23 12
Just plan a sex date for when the kids are away. Plenty of horny milfs do this
vikky538 29
tell the kids that there is a "booby" trap .. and leave the house..I prefer running...FYL OP..
grizzlyapollo 1
I am a preschool teacher, and I have noticed with some of my parents, co workers and even bosses that they are not shy and sometimes with children you have to explain to them about adult choices. Good/bad and appropriate/inappropriate. What really bites and is sometimes is awkward is when it is when it is their children... lol
orsombre_fml 11
I feel for you, OP, being grabbed like that must have been appalling. Even if she has feelings for you, this is an assault and I hope she understands it.
squarecircles 13
Looks like your neighbor's got some explainin' to do.
lifesentence 11
you did, right?
TheWimpyTodler 3
You better move out soon!
sammyjo06 14
Would you be saying that if it were the husband who had come over instead, grabbed her boobs in front of her kids, and asked her if she'd ever had an extramarital affair?