Today, I invited a few of my co-workers over to play video games. Within an hour, my wife had gotten drunk, grabbed my controller, told me to "get back in the kitchen", and described to everyone in blood-chilling detail how she took her first boyfriend's virginity. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was savagely beating my wife on Call of Duty, since she demanded that I play normally and not hold back. 15 minutes later, she was raging at me, calling me a bastard and saying she wished we'd never married. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over, drank half a bottle of Jack Daniels and pissed in my sink. I broke up with her and went out with friends. I met a woman and brought her home to watch a movie. She drank a bottle of wine and puked on my couch. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided to raid my games collection and try her hand at Amnesia: The Dark Descent. Two hours later, despite my best attempts to make her stop shrieking like a dying crackhead every two minutes, two cops showed up at the door with our neighbors in tow. FML
Today, I was feeling frisky and my boyfriend was playing a video game in the living room. I started dancing in front of the T.V. with only my panties on, to which he responded, "You're every gamer's nightmare." FML
Today, after a long and stressful week, all I wanted was some time to myself with a few beers and a good video game. My girlfriend apparently disliked this, because she started blasting Cardi B, ran the vacuum behind me, and poured my beer down the sink when I used the bathroom. FML
Today, my new wife and I got home from our honeymoon, and not an hour later she'd sat me down for a talk, saying, "Now that you're married you've got to act the part and give up this silly nonsense," then banned me from seeing my friends, playing video games, and basically everything else I ever enjoyed. FML
Today, my wife got so drunk she kissed another guy when the ball dropped. FML
Today, a character in the video game I was playing called my character a slut. My boyfriend ripped the controller from my hands, shot him dead, then fired the rest of my ammo into his corpse while yelling "FUCK YOU, BUDDY!" Good to know I'm dating a total lunatic. FML
Today, my friend got a text showing his girlfriend cheating on him. Sounds like his FML, but he was at my house. He then worked his way through a bottle of my whisky and went into a drunken rage. He threw my furniture through windows, punched holes in the wall, and smashed stuff until I had to call the cops. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to a family game night. Halfway through a game of Klingon Monopoly, my drunk parents started arguing because apparently, while my dad was in jail, he cheated on my mom with a Klingon whore. I doubt my girlfriend will ever visit again. FML
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Top comments
moop256 10
Your wife sounds awesome
upyourzlolz 11
"slowly, slowly, he slid in me. Then he passed out. But I kept *******." Yup.
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Comments (133)
moop256 10
Your wife sounds awesome
i_amthe_walrus 0
Agreed. Op, you might want to ask your wife to give you your balls back.
moop256 10
Yeah their probably rolling around in her purse next to some lipstick
ilovesarcasm 18
11- It seems she has gone and put them on, lol. OP, have you googled the word "cuckold" before? It is suggested you do, but later. Go fix me a sandwich.
Akai_fml 4
Agreed #1! Hey OP, if you're done with your wife, can I have her?
eatsleepjb 8
That's one wife you got there
maxwells_hammer 5
Well yes most cultures do only allow one wife.
eatsleepjb 8
True..very true
SomeRussianGirl 3
29 just owned that comment lmao
Amburito 0
She sounds like a keeper to me!
every1luvsboners 11
This could be the beginning to a great ****. Keep going, pls.
sbharani96 4
"Oh that's how it happened, huh? Well I think I can top that."
moop256 10
Mabye it's the video that gave boner his boner
lindseykcool 6
16, ...elaborate?
lindseykcool 6
I'm sure boner is completely capable of getting his boners! he doesn't need videos. or video games, or whatever the hell you were trying to say.
hellbilly205 17
Every1luvsboners is back maybe things are looking up from here on FML.
thisisafunnyname 12
fappity fap fap
aznbiznitch666 4
Or maybe dude got the boner listening to his wife telling his coworkers how she took her boyfriends virginity. At least she wasn't telling them how she lost hers.
Theclarksondales 8
Seriously, why would you let her do that? Stand up for your Self!
Glidefedt 6
Yourself, duckballs.
baseballplaya5 7
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
The get back in the kitchen part concerns me, it's usually the other way around
adbeck 1
Your mom
baseballplaya5 7
My mom left me when I was 3
Icedogs133 0
Her statement sounds perfectly right to me.
ALpein 0
Maybe your mom left you because she got a job as a professional kitchen cleaner.
eatsleepjb 8
His mom leaving him is nothing to joke about....
PinkHorset 5
You sir must have big balls but a small pensi
baseballplaya5 7
Across the country? Seems a bit extensive, don't you think?
upyourzlolz 11
"slowly, slowly, he slid in me. Then he passed out. But I kept *******." Yup.
ITIvRAPTORvITI 0
Rotflmfao!!!
animalover721 3
Tipppppppssyyyyyyyy
MasterJMan 0
I like how you describe it as "bone chilling" how drunk was she?
lindseykcool 6
blood-chilling, you mean? even creepier.
ImaginaryFoe 1
"How unattractive is she or how awkward was the sex?" was the first question in my head. I've never heard of a chilling sex story; she'd have to be a disfigured manatee who drugged and raped a 12-year old boy before I felt my blood chilling.
biasedshooter 24
36, i think it chilled his boner. Sorry op, that moment sucks...
Airman1988 9
Yea somebody needs to get donkey punched