Today, my mum thought it would be acceptable to tell my school that the reason I will not be attending classes is because I have "the shits." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to cancel an appointment due to diarrhea. I was so nervous that when the receptionist asked why, I told her, "I can't stop shitting." FML
Today, I went to the doctor for horrible stomach pains. He said I had an abnormal amount of stool in me, and that I'd need to flush it out. I called my mom and told her what happened, to which she responded, "I always knew you were full of shit, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that." FML
Today, I was at my Mandarin teacher's house. I had diarrhoea and had to go to the toilet. My mum texted me while I was still in the toilet saying, "We all heard you". FML
Today, my mother called me a "wasteful child" because I threw up my lunch. FML
Today, I had a nasty cough, but I went to college anyway. When I walked into class, I could practically smell menstrual blood in the air. After a few coughs, our instructor gave me an "Oh, shut up!" After half an hour, she kicked me out for not "taking the class seriously". FML
Today, my mom decided to infodump on me as I came home needing to take a shit. She wouldn't stop talking and calling me back when I tried to walk off. I couldn't get a word in, and she was ignoring my gestures. She's now calling me disrespectful because I finally ran off and dropped a loud one in the toilet. FML
Today, I got food poisoning. After leaving class 4 times to poop, I sharted in the school bus on the ride home. FML
Today, my brother and I got food poisoning because of the shady chicken subs we ate last night. Our mom thinks we're faking it and sent us to school anyway. I'm coming to you live from a school toilet while missing a test. FML
Today, I was expelled from school. By my own mother. FML
Today, I was mad at my mother. Why? We went to parent-teacher interviews, and she told my math teacher that she should allow bathroom breaks because I have a "very heavy menstrual flow." My teacher suggested I eat more red meat. They got into a seven-minute argument about this. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
sweetcheeks0290 0
Don't you just love parents?
TittiesOrGTFO 0
omfg haha!!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (138)
TittiesOrGTFO 0
omfg haha!!
Tasanasanta 0
You mean that isn't an acceptable excuse? That's why the attendance(spell that right?) lady always gives me wierd looks...
Tasanasanta 0
Ty 25
seanders 10
So I'm guessing you posted this from the bathroom
Arsonnist 3
The only thing not to do simultaneously in the bathroom is talk on the phone.
WhyTheFace4 0
I agree with 42. It's like my own little sanctuary.
ssletner 0
ow wow!!!
bigblue95 0
sounds like a SHITTY situation...no pun intended. sorry i know. i had to do it
ColetteL 4
I agree... I lol'd at this one
anlhawks 5
29, actually I'm pretty sure it's wierd ? right ? ..
RoseRaptor 0
lmaooo
xlostwithoutu 0
Hahaha you must love your mom for that one
bloobelly 0
YAY!!
metfanatic1986 0
I seriously laughed at this for 2 minutes. xD
sweetcheeks0290 0
Don't you just love parents?
starile 20
Not when you have the *****.
seanders 10
News flash: pouting the lips makes you look like a retard...
RadAtThis01 0
the reason you don't like them is because they still ground you haha
AyeItsMobleyy 0
39 - news flash: spiderman was elementary school.
AboveTheRest 6
oh for sure. they're amazingly awesome and never embarrassing.
isabella3 0
Oh my Damn anti flood protection!
jbcards2 0
lmfao!!
isabella3 0
At least you don't have to go to school :) But you're probably a teenager, so FYL anyway!
Daerauko 0
lol why are you talking about teens? you look like you're 14.
isabella3 0
well I'll take that as a compliment I guess because I'm 23.
sach22 0
She might look like she's 14 but damn she looks good! :P
FFML_314 12
Brace yourself, because she's about to rock your world. You are the FML Pimp Master!
Tasanasanta 0
Why bother sach?
isabella3 0
tasana, don't be a hater! besides, I'm not trying to pick up guys on fml, lol.
Daerauko 0
wow I'm 23. I was thinking I was about the oldest person in here with all the youngins. congrats on being free of teen years. sach probably feels there is nothing wrong to jerkin it to fully clothed minors' pics. sorry had to say it though it disgusts even me
Tasanasanta 0
I know your not, it just seems really low to hit on girls on the interwebs O.o Some one is gonna slam me for that...
isabella3 0
no I agree, it is pathetic to hit on girls online. isn't that what eharmony is for? not fml.
LoganBballin16 0
well calling a girl preaty, beautiful. or whatever else people call you on here it really depends on the person giving the compliment cus if they just say btw you look preaty. after there comment on the fml that's ok but if they comment and say hey 34 (random #) ur so hot that's creepy... I know you didn't ask but that's my personal opion.. O_o
isabella3 0
WTF are you talking about? my name isn't Katie.
FFML_314 12
I had a feeling. I wasn't going to call that one, because I've never seen that particular picture.
isabella3 0
wtf? what exactly about my pic says "fake"? If it's fake, then show me online where you see it then bitch
isabella3 0
yeahh that's what I thought.
isabella3 0
it's connected to my myspace dumbass. wow, that's sad that you are out there trying to search for me. how cute.
isabella3 0
btw, I think if you type in "monkey" in google, your pic comes up. js
FFML_314 12
LOL! She doesn't know what to say now that she's been caught. She comes on here as "the new girl" and claims to be a Grammar Nazi, when she can't even spell "you're." If she's 23, I fear for her life. Given the nature of her PM to me.
Tasanasanta 0
Holy hell who cares?? If she wants to put up a pic a herself or some one else, so what?! So long as she doesn't insult some one elses pic. Which she just did.
Tasanasanta 0
Awwww, FFML beat me to the grammar nazi call out :(
isabella3 0
who the f*ck cares if I spelled your or you're. seriously, get a freaking life. and even it was a fake pic, who cares? you people are pathetic. and I never said I was 21, I'm 23. and I don't play the "looks" card, but obviously you all are jealous. grow up. it's FML
Tasanasanta 0
You look good Krystal :)
isabella3 0
aww look. Krystal change her pic cuz she looks like a monkey.
FFML_314 12
Jealous of what? I corrected myself. I meant 23. The point is, when you pretend to be something that you're not, you will get called out on it. Instead of messaging me "stfu ur fat" like an immature little girl, why don't you say what you have to say and walk away. I warned you about the site. You just didn't listen. You my friend deserve it.
isabella3 0
what MSG? I never sent you a MSG. ohh I'm so scared because you "warned" me. I'm going to cry now. the only reason I'm on here is because I broke my leg and have nothing to do. so get a life. ffml you are lame. and btw, I'm not ur friend.
FFML_314 12
Who said you have to be scared? You get crazier by the minute. Especially since you can't remember a message you sent 10 minutes ago. Go to your inbox and scroll down to your sent messages. OK, NOW I'M GOING TO CRY.
LoganBballin16 0
ok wow it's so funny that FFML and the other guy were all talking cool with the girl with the fake pic then this other girl gets on here and calls her out now y'all are all bagging on her now! i agree that she should put up a real pic but I just thought it was funny that y'all turned so fast haha
JillianlikesVogu 0
6 is full of shit.
FFML_314 12
"Talking all cool" All of my respect for a person goes out the window when they message me some creepy shit. I'm glad you found it so interesting though!
LoganBballin16 0
Krystal ur freaken Beast you made me lol so many times reading this like real talk! hahaha great job :)
isabella3 0
LOL. wow. this is my real pic. you can't prove it's fake so suck it:) you're just mad cuz u know ur lying:)
isabella3 0
LOL. you r just mad cuz I called YOU out for being a liar. like I said, if my pic is fake, then prove it. I genuinely feel sorry for you
LoganBballin16 0
91 are you stupid she just said that it's on google images the 3d page and I looked it up and it's sitting right there.. start reading the comments!!
isabella3 0
yeah, that's me. u r so retarded
alexxss_fml 10
lmfaoo Krystal. all these little girls trying to be something their not. shame. I gotchu u girl haha
seanders 10
Haha Isabella you dumb **** that picture is in google and definitely not you!
GrEaT_BaMbInO 0
eharmony is a way hit flirt online. I'm more about the real world socializing
FFML_314 12
Bite your tongue, Anna. You're trying to be nice! Remember!
mvs198 0
everyone just shut up, krystal why do you care if her picture is fake and why is everyone being mean to isabella, SHE BROKE HER LEG!!!!! just calm sown everyone and i domt know why people are bagging on iaabella, krysta is the one that is creepy for searching isabella!!
grace9856 0
I really doubt she actually broke her leg..
chili10 18
she searched for the picture because she had a hunch that it was fake... I can't say I disagree, it looks fake to me too... but then again I'm too lazy to check so I'll just be on the neutral side and say, "can't we all just get along?"
chili10 18
112.... your comment made me think "LEAVE BRITTNEY ALOOONE!!!!"
icecreamlol 0
lmao @117
iamchuck 0
Would you rather her tell them about your horrible squirting herpes outbreak?
PhoenixFiend 0
herpes squirt? o:
FFML_314 12
She's right. It is acceptable.
WhyTheFace4 0
Yea, why wouldn't it be? Nobody wants you in school doing that shit...
JillianlikesVogu 0
Well, did you have the *****?
green_eyes124 0
haha hilarious but fyl : )