Today, my mother, her fiancé, and I were having dinner together. My mother was joking that she wasn't sure she could hold him down, as he used to "get around." She turned to talk to the waiter and my future step-father looked me up and down and winked. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was having breakfast when my mom's boyfriend came and sat right across from me. He didn't try and hide the fact that he was staring at my chest and told me, "Wow, you're getting bigger." I glared at him. He winked at me. FML
Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really like. He brought up that there was a person staring at us from a nearby table. That person was my mom. FML
Today, my fiancé and I visited his family for dinner. The entire time I was there, his mother and sister had an in depth conversation about how attractive his ex girlfriends were and how they got along with them so well. FML
Today, my boyfriend was taking me to dinner to meet his parents. As we pulled into the restaurant valet, I saw a woman in a slutty dress and hooker heels get out of the car ahead of us. I jokingly asked if we had accidentally pulled into a strip club, pointing at the woman. It was his mother. FML
Today, I nervously introduced my mother to my new boyfriend. I had to sit and watch her flirt with him for an hour. When I took her in the other room and confronted her about it, she said, "Don't you dare ruin this for me!" FML
Today, my mother invited me to a nice restaurant to meet her boyfriend whom she's been seriously dating for a month. Imagine my surprise when she led me to a table and my boyfriend's father stood up, shocked, to greet me. Rather than being horrified, she is now planning double dates every week. FML
Today, my fiancé and I met his mother for lunch to discuss wedding plans. When we got there, I went to the bathroom to wash my hands. I heard a woman talking on her cell phone in the stall about her son's "disgusting, slutty girlfriend." The toilet flushed and my future mother-in-law walked out. FML
Today, I brought my boyfriend of a year and a half to meet my parents. Turns out he dated my mom. This should be a fun dinner. FML
Today, my mother arranged for me to meet the man she is planning to marry. Turns out, my future stepfather is also my creepy old boss, who spent 4 months hitting on me before I quit a year ago. FML
Today, I went to my fiancé's mother's funeral. His step-sister proudly announced that she's pregnant with his baby and they are engaged. FML
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Top comments
Monkeysmommy1 0
Dirty... Step daddy likes to keep it in the family.
m1k30d 6
You should make some kind of epic objection at the wedding.
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Comments (144)
kimono_fml 17
sounds more to me like he was joking. if not, fyl indeed
littlelookakitty 0
Ha kick him in the balls and say that's as close u gunna get
sylphy 0
he was obviously joking. y'all need to chill out.
HaloZombie298 5
Get a kitchen knife and tell him if he ever looks at you like that again, you'll cut his dick off and gut him like a fish. In fact, if I knew who you were, I would send you a bowie knife. I have a huge knife collection.
spuzak 0
Tell ur mom
cali4eva 12
Why are people saying this is scary? It's obviously just some pervy guy.
HunterAlpha1 8
a threesome with your mom can't be that bad, can it? ;-)
RokNRoll11 9
That is the opposite of "bow chicka bow wow" Oh god why
AshleighNason 24
i wouldnt tolerate that
mesyoup3zY 0
Knee ftw!