Today, my mother confused the terms 'necromancy' and 'necrophilia'. We had a great talk about why you shouldn't have sex with dead people. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had a nice, open chat with my mother. I accidentally let slip that I'm a nymphomaniac. She accidentally let slip that my dad is bad in bed. I don't think either of us will be chatting so openly for awhile. FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML
Today, since my alarm didn’t go off at 7 a.m., I awoke to my mother attempting to perform Necromancy on me “as a joke.” She wore a black robe and everything. FML
Today, I was getting frisky with my fiancée when she started talking about her dead great-grandma. FML
Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
Today, my 79-year-old mom who has Alzheimer's fondly remembered all the wild sex she had with me back in the 1960s. I wasn't born then. She thinks I'm my dad, who died 15 years ago. In all of our conversations now, she talks to me as if she is talking to her husband and some of the talks turn racy. FML
Today, I walked in on my mother rubbing one out. For the third time. I then had to explain to her, also for the third time, why pleasuring herself in the living room is inappropriate. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
benikora 8
Well if you learnt necromancy you wouldn't have to commit necrophillia
Voij 16
And what makes "necromancy" all that much more appropriate to discuss than "necrophilia"? If anything, only one of them can actually occur outside of fiction. Sooo...
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (74)
joshi42 16
So, you think raising dead is more appropriate then ******* them?
DieSowjet 4
well obviously.
False_Stupidity 42
Either way, you get a raise.
LeBandit 20
for both to happen one must "raise" something
sousaphonist 14
...why did she wasn't too talk about necromancy in the first place?
abbylouise_x3 7
When playing Skyrim I hope we're practicing necromancy & not being necrophiliacs. That wouldn't be too pretty.
SystemofaBlink41 27
I'm 100% sure they have mods for that.
ProfessorMctitie 20
The Loving Dead
Izabushel 65
My husband was telling people his mother was having a corneal transplant when she was actually having a cataract removed. I explained the difference.
glasshouse 4
so does that you are practicing one or the other lol
feven 32
OP's Mom: But Jesus did it all the time in the bible! OP: Mom what the ****?!
Gauzy21 12
Some people conversations go to the weirdest places.
Vestin 18
There's a difference? I guess that book I've picked up might not be a fantasy novel after all o_o'....