Today, my mother confused the terms 'necromancy' and 'necrophilia'. We had a great talk about why you shouldn't have sex with dead people. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had a nice, open chat with my mother. I accidentally let slip that I'm a nymphomaniac. She accidentally let slip that my dad is bad in bed. I don't think either of us will be chatting so openly for awhile. FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML
Today, since my alarm didn’t go off at 7 a.m., I awoke to my mother attempting to perform Necromancy on me “as a joke.” She wore a black robe and everything. FML
Today, I was getting frisky with my fiancée when she started talking about her dead great-grandma. FML
Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
Today, my 79-year-old mom who has Alzheimer's fondly remembered all the wild sex she had with me back in the 1960s. I wasn't born then. She thinks I'm my dad, who died 15 years ago. In all of our conversations now, she talks to me as if she is talking to her husband and some of the talks turn racy. FML
Today, I walked in on my mother rubbing one out. For the third time. I then had to explain to her, also for the third time, why pleasuring herself in the living room is inappropriate. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
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Top comments
benikora 8
Well if you learnt necromancy you wouldn't have to commit necrophillia
Voij 16
And what makes "necromancy" all that much more appropriate to discuss than "necrophilia"? If anything, only one of them can actually occur outside of fiction. Sooo...
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Comments (74)
PSYqualiac 17
Necromancy: Raising the dead. Necrophilia: Getting a raise from the dead.
0h_Boy 26
I don't think she confused the two. Unless...
GreyRavenWolf 17
This just happened to me! My boyfriend died in a car accident that I was in and I asked my mom if she knew the art of necromancy and she gave me a disgusted look and said no.
iLikesOJ 13
Lol! Sorry to laugh, though. I hope you are ok if you got hurt. If you are, best of luck. I'm sorry for your loss!
AllSeeingOctopi 2
My teacher once was naming some groups for class jeopardy or something and named one of the groups the Necromancers. Apparently he actually meant Necrophiles but forgot the word for it.
hegchog12 18
Necromancy means raising the dead. Necrophilia means getting a raise from the dead.