Today, I had a nice, open chat with my mother. I accidentally let slip that I'm a nymphomaniac. She accidentally let slip that my dad is bad in bed. I don't think either of us will be chatting so openly for awhile. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
Today, I have accidentally encountered my parents having "sexy time" four times in the past week. I'm an adult. My parents are in their fifties. Their bedroom door doesn't fully shut, so I always get an unpleasant glimpse when I walk past, occasionally punctuated by my mom's pleasured moaning. Kill me now. FML
Today, I was having the "sex talk" with my mom because I really want to have sex with my boyfriend. My dad overheard us and is sulking. The only reason he hasn’t said anything like, “I’ll kill the boy” or, “Not until you’re married” is because he’s scared of my mom. Now everything is awkward at home FML
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he was fingering me. After he left, my mum says to me "I wish my sex life was as interesting as yours." She had walked in and we hadn't even noticed. FML
Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML
Today, my mother woke me up by saying "Good morning my sexually aggressive daughter. We're going to have an extremely uncomfortable conversation today." Our awkward talk consisted of her telling me that I'm a tease and am going to get raped. Why? She caught me making out with my boyfriend. FML
Today, I accidentally sent a screenshot of my Tinder conversation to my mom, instead of my friend. Yes, it was dirty. FML
Today, my long-distance boyfriend and I decided to be a bit naughty on Skype. It was 3am so we assumed that my dad was asleep and did some dirty talk. When we were done, I heard my dad laughing outside my room; he'd heard it all. FML
Today, I finally told my parents I would be changing bedrooms because I could no longer stand hearing them having sex, which is awkward and disturbing. Later, my dad came and asked me quietly if I thought my mom sounded "satisfied." FML
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Top comments
MetallicaRules19 4
"ILL KILL YOU AND EAT YOUR FIRST BORN CHILD, if you dont tell me
weemcgreeger 1
no one tell him
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Comments (138)
serenity40 6
my ears would probably bleed. that's horrible.
philpip 7
I know. TMI.
SD021 2
How the hell does that 'accidentally' slip out? xD
NameTitleHere 0
So your mum suggested that daddy wasn't recommended? That's disgusting.. I'm happy to fulfill your sexual desires ;D
InDenial 6
Wow #20. Trying to hit on someone over the internet that'll probably never read your comment anyway. Get a life. 2G.
coolsteve 0
LMAO 41
joooeee 3
23. I'm pretty sure 20 was kidding but whatever.
KingDingALing 9
Tell your mom to take a shit in your dad's shoes.
PanteraRules 0
Does it count if she just has a masturbation adiction? Something like at least 3 times a day
RavenXRampage 1
41 is full of win.
madd_coww_diseas 0
41 ftw!!! ;]
Shivverr 0
Get a sense of humor. You're an idiot for not realizing that was a joke.
singer4life666 0
Well, atleast you can ignore her for a little.
MetallicaRules19 4
what is a nymphomaniac?
weemcgreeger 1
no one tell him
MetallicaRules19 4
"ILL KILL YOU AND EAT YOUR FIRST BORN CHILD, if you dont tell me
hairt 4
HAHAHA Hypersexuality in women has historically been known as nymphomania or furor uterinus, while in men, the disorder has been known as satyriasis.
MetallicaRules19 4
so they have wierd sexual desires?
Shitz_N_Gigglez 0
it means she'll **** whatever she can. She doesn't have a need for anything weird, she just has more lust than the average person.
Mr_26 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
As in they need to be constantly ******* something. Use Google next time, *******.
MrsxBillxKaulitz 5
I didn't know either, don't feel bad. I didn't feel like using google, so back off.
MrsxBillxKaulitz 5
and the 'back off' was for 13.
j5p332 6
dictionary.com <— Use it.
123e3 0
sex addaict
anythingidontnee 0
ahaha 63 explained it in 2 words
idkwhatusername 0
*******... that's a new one
bugmenotmofo 34
lol ******* I'll use that tomorow
matamo71421 3
Parkway drive are awesome!
Epickitty58 29
Don't worry-I used google for those that are too lazy to (and I understand that you're too lazy. I often have the same problem). Anyway, a nymphomaniac is a woman with an abnormally high sex drive-not somebody with weird and/or kinky desires for the bedroom, just wants a lot of sex.
DaRito 25
So in other words, it would be amazing to have a nymphomanic girlfriend unless she does other guys.
hloudon7 4
a woman who can never have enough sex
That1One1Chick 24
Tokyo Hotel? ??
ActionManly 11
Just swap places for a few weeks. Both of your problems solved!
marmlr339 14
LOL!!! tbh that is actually a great idea :-)
WTFreversed 5
what's a nymphomaniac?
Strebor 0
hyperactively sexual
WTFreversed 5
that's me then haha jokes
rico20002 0
are you nymphomaniac? lets **** then.
WTFreversed 5
Hhahaaah my place or yours
Elizabeth123654 0
ew both of you :S
georgei 0
j
unsuccesfulmastu 4
I'm down.
GalaxyShots 21
I think you mean you're up.
chungy92 5
an uncontrollable sexual desire for women ahaha
WTFreversed 5
oh thanks
bennyboy111 7
wat so guys can't get it?
WTFreversed 5
guys do cos the girl that's nymphomaniac would do them for sure
Jizwold 0
it's not called nymphomania for men
bmexoxo98 0
then what's it called for men??
Comatose27 0
read the replies under 5's comment. Its some word starting with S that i just read and forgot. xD
Comatose27 0
Satyriasis***
ZleveL 0
77 it's called, "normal"
klimpomppp 9
102-win!
groovis 2
I love the new feature that buries replies unless you want to see a chain. it stops the chain-makers who aren't making a conversation thread and only care about appearing on the first page. I'll be honest the first read of this I thought the op said she was a necrophiliac. it completely grossed me out to imagine telling her Mom that. Actually next time you confide in someone op you should lead with necrophilia and after they've started down that gross path then say "oh God sorry I meant nymphomania" and then for sure the other person will take it well. Let's see how long it takes for guys to start jumping in and offering to help with your problem. Hey and since apparently your Dad is letting down the team maybe they can help your Mom at the same time.
kayladance101 13
whats a necrophiliac??
kayladance101 13
never mind ifigured it out! and uhh yuuck :P
spenceroone3 0
***** sake!!! It's someone who loves dead bodies in bed
kayladance101 13
34 shut up if you read my second comment i said that i figured it out. calm the hell down.
KelceyLoves 0
I read the same thing xD.
Fluffeh 5
No it isn't, that's necrophilia, what you're thinking of.
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Fluff, did you read the previous comments?
TheNewGuy03 29
just gettin' your zombie groove on. |the kid|
EMTchic 14
A Necrophiliac: A zombies worst nightmare XD
Dragons_corner 6
find some help before it gets bad well if there's help but in the mean time how old are you and were do you live?
KarinaLizeth18 5
haha desperate much?
paprikacha 9
...creepy, man. Pretty effin' creepy.
Comatose27 0
LOL XD nymphomania is a disorder, im not sure its really treatable.. It's all neurological (from the brain) so.. If we actually have technology to mess with the brain to fix it, then it would cost alot anyway.
xxjoseph1543xx 0
WTF is a nymphomaniac??
at1325 0
WTF google goddamnit. u r all obviously connected to the Internet via either computer or smart phone.
valentine9 0
it's what you want your girlfriend to be
Jizwold 0
no u wouldn't they'd cheat on u all the time
niccole_x3 0
PREVIOUS COMMENTS
VivianTheAspie 0
@18# It's something you can type into google.
spanelli 16
Apparently it's something that can be typed into a comment, too. :o Amazing isn't it? It's okay OP. I once had to listen to my boyfriend's mom talk about giving birth to four kids. Then, about her husband's size. o.O