Today, my mom instructed me to never scream when being attacked by a rapist. Apparently it would only anger him, causing him to chop my boobs off and superglue my eyes shut. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom complained that I was being too loud, and she smacked my head really hard. All while screaming at me. FML
Today, I received a serious concussion and several stitches to the back of my head. The attacker? My mom. FML
Today, my mother is such a helicopter parent, she wouldn’t let me go to my first appointment with my new gynaecologist without being in the room, to “keep an eye on him”. When I told her to stay out, she started screaming in the waiting room that I was going to be raped without her there. FML
Today, my mother woke me up by saying "Good morning my sexually aggressive daughter. We're going to have an extremely uncomfortable conversation today." Our awkward talk consisted of her telling me that I'm a tease and am going to get raped. Why? She caught me making out with my boyfriend. FML
Today, for the fifth time in a row, I woke up screaming from a nightmare. My mother burst into my room, leaned in real close and said, "So help me God, if you do not stop fucking screaming, I will rip your arms off and beat you with them." I’m never sleeping again. FML
Today, my mom had me arrested in the most humiliating way ever, in my nightgown, with no bra. She pushed me out her vagina, and now her life. FML
Today, at a family dinner, my mother-in-law talked me into showing off some moves that I've learned in martial arts. I gently did a restraining hold on her. She screamed that I was trying to break her wrists, and kept the wounded act up all night, smirking as everyone gave me death glares. FML
Today, I asked my mom if I could join my friends in getting lessons in self defense. My mom told me that I didn't need them because my face was a better weapon to repel anyone. FML
Today, I went into the house, only to hear my mother shouting "DON'T PINCH MY NIPPLE" at the top of her lungs in the shower. FML
Today, my mother straight up admitted that she would murder me if God told her to. FML
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Top comments
Nudi_fml 13
Sounds reasonable
mnblkjpoi 0
That seems legit.
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Comments (212)
chloeeXD 0
And don't say Don't and Stop within 45 seconds of eachother because he could use that against you!
mrssuarez2011 12
Oh wow, this is the complete opposite of a laughable topic but I have to admit I did laugh only because.....what?! Where did that come from?! and the way it was worded...oh dear
darryaz 9
Mom has been reading Silence of the Lambs.
juggalette224 0
O.o Holy shit....
yenidewi 11
how did she know that? weird
TrolliloliPoP 1
Well for gods sake, i hope u dont listen to ur mom´s. What is true, they say that if u dont defend yourself, they can get bored or whatever so to leave you alone. But i guess just thinking about it and not going to places where this might happen, is a better defence than not screaming and let him glue your eyes...
la13_fml 0
How would she know???
peachesSOS101 0
Lol nice that made me laugh so hard!! :D
EmilyXPatricia 4
someone's been watching criminal minds...
roseriddle 4
Actually, what you should never do is yell, "Rape!" Yell fire instead. People are more likely to get involved when they think they're in immediate danger, and not just some random stranger.