Today, I was on the phone with a prospective blind date. He asked me to describe myself, so I said that I was fun, attractive, and a little chubby but not fat. My 7 year-old sister walked up to me and screamed, "Jesus doesn't like it when we lie!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went on a blind date, even though the whole concept freaks me out a bit. My date showed up with his sister, who sat at our table and critiqued everything we did, from how I chewed my food, to the way we nervously laughed. He hardly said a word the whole time. FML
Today, I went on a blind double date with my friend. My date was actually blind. Not so bad, he seemed nice, until he told me I sound ugly and annoying. My friend laughed and agreed. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. When I arrived, the guy looked nothing like his profile picture. We started chatting, and things were going fine until he asked, “So, what do you think about my date?” I replied, “Uh, I think it’s going well!” He responded, “I was talking about the waitress. I’m married.” FML
Today, I was on the phone with my little sister as she explained that all these guys like her now that she's so skinny and beautiful. My mom must have overheard me tell my sister that at least I was a cuter child, because my mom laughed and said, "Yeah right, we had to buy you fat kid diapers." FML
Today, I went on a blind date that my friends set up. Not only did my date visibly recoil at the sight of me, she ended up trying to convince me that we're actually cousins. When I told her how absurd that was, she muttered, "Fuck it" and left. FML
Today, I went on a blind date at a restaurant. My date took one look at me and said pityingly, "Stuffed your bra, didn't ya? Seriously, why even bother?" The douche then started trying to lecture me on "false advertising". FML
Today, my brother's new girlfriend, who is blind, asked to feel my face so she could tell what I look like. She said I was "unique". A blind chick just told me I was ugly. FML
Today, I met a blind date from a dating app. He looked nothing like his pictures, but I tried to be polite. I said, “Wow, you look different in person!” He smiled and said, “That’s not me. He’s probably just running late, and I’m just sitting here.” FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents. Right when I arrived, his little sister said, "She's a lot fatter than you said!" FML
Today, I went on a blind date. The guy greeted me with a "What's up, bitch?", which I wrote off as him just being really laid-back. By dessert, he'd asked me if my boobs are real, then when we finished, asked how many more dates it'd take before I put out. So much for that. FML
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Top comments
shanemomo 0
Well, if you were lying then good job by your sister. She saved that guy some time.
leagan66 0
Burn by a 7 year old! i hope you werent lying. she was just being bitchy.
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Comments (134)
shanemomo 0
Well, if you were lying then good job by your sister. She saved that guy some time.
jnemi 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
take a jog and stop eating fatty, even a 7 year old knows when you look like a whale, no one will ever touch you
colourmealy 0
this is an easy fml to coverup. Just say she was talking to someone else
Gabby125 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
chubby, big boned, there are lots of ways to say it but in the end you're still a fat ass
leagan66 0
Burn by a 7 year old! i hope you werent lying. she was just being bitchy.
Hydra_fml 0
Out of the mouths of babes... Bummer. Did he hang up?
mccaff135 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
haaaahahahahahaha you sister FTW your fat ass FTL lose some weight shammu
desertkitt 0
LMFAO!!! This one actually really made me laugh for once! Kudos, on your FML, I hope you told the guy your sister was yelling at her imaginary friend that likes to eat worms.
WhiteDelight 4
if a relationship doesnt work out you could always get a job as someone's matress
Gabby125 0
chubby, big boned, there are lots of ways to say it but in the end you're still a fat ass