Today, my husband jokingly told my daughter when she passes gas in public, she needed to blame it on the fattest and ugliest person there. We went shopping after and she let a HUGE fart out. She gasped, "Mommy!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at the local grocery store. I've had really bad gas lately, and I accidentally let one go while standing in line. The woman behind me thought it was her kid, and smacked him for farting in public. FML
Today, I was at the grocery store with my dad. He let out a very silent but foul abomination of a fart. The people behind us started gagging, so he turned, pointed at me and said, "That was my daughter." FML
Today, I accidentally farted while shopping. There was an awkward silence followed by a god-awful stink and a lady's little girl bursting into tears. FML
Today, I was working at a children's play centre, and my stomach was twisting and turning. Thinking no one was around, I let out a small fart, only to turn and see a little girl running to her mom, yelling, "Mommy! Mommy! That lady just farted and it sounded like daddy!" FML
Today, my husband and I were at the mall, and decided to have a snack at the food court. As we ate, an obese woman squeezed past our table, butt facing us. Just when her ass-cheeks slid past our heads, she let out a horrific fart that my father would be proud of. FML
Today, I was at Walmart with my mom when a guy next to me let out a series of vicious farts. Assuming it was me, my mom chewed me out in front of the guy and made me apologize. The man looked at my mom and said, "Children, they're so immature." FML
Today, while at the grocery store an elderly woman farted very loudly next to me. Everyone in the aisle looked our way. The woman pointed at me, and left the aisle. I received many disgusted looks from children and their parents. FML
Today, I accidentally let out a silent but obscenely deadly fart in the doctor's waiting room. It was so foul that a woman got insanely pissed at her kid because she thought he'd shat his pants again. FML
Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML
Today, while standing in line at the store, I thought I could let a small fart slip and blame it on the guy behind me. I did it, then turned to glare at him in disgust, only for him to turn and yell at the crowd, “This bitch farted, not me!” FML
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Top comments
BntyHntrSeattle 30
There are so many things wrong with this. Sorry.
nix1993 41
Say nothing, stay completely calm, lull her into a false sense of security. Then go home and dutch oven the little brat.
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Comments (102)
koztm 12
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Another reason why I do not want children...
FracturedMinds 21
Because they blame their farts on you? Not really a deal breaker.
Sports_guy3 28
You don't want to bring a new life in the world? You don't want to create a possible world-saver?
hammerTime90 5
and it's comments like that people like you should never have children because they do worse than that everyday. yes my daughter makes me feel a little red faced sometimes but more often then not she makes me so proud to be called her mummy.
squideth 18
Oh shut up you pretentious lot. Some people don't want kids. Get the **** over it. They're not worse people because of it.
_Awakened_ 4
Sorry, but a wizards staff going into a wizards sleeve to create a magical being? Sounds majestic
tellyc 27
They do say little kids are honest...
TheImaginarySong 16
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
This is one of the reasons I dislike children. Sorry OP.
junkman6 22
Because they're brutally honest? Or because they believe just about anything someone tells them?
TheImaginarySong 16
Both
dachayke 16
People who dislike children are generally assholes.
TallMist 32
*SARCASM WARNING!* Yes! Hate the child for not understanding that her dad was joking! Hate on the child for doing what she thought she was told to do! Perfect sense, I do say. *END SARCASM!*
olpally 33
That's just awful. She needs to be taught the difference between right and wrong. Your husband is a jerk as well.
kenji212 8
:3 daddy's little girl! Hahhaha sorry op.
it__happens 17
At least you know she listens to her father!
JMichael 26
Even jokingly that's pretty rude from your husband
ziya1999 12
Uh oh. This is just sad xD
perdix 31
Let's hope you were in the store that sells supermodels. Well, you can lose weight, but ugly goes to the bone.
FracturedMinds 21
How does one sell a supermodel?
worldclassrager 41
Don't take it personally...who else could she blame!